My Sister's Boyfriend

Chapter thirty-three

February
Depression. It is one of the worst things that a person can experience in a lifetime. I can't complain though, I know many people around the world have it worse and for deeper reasons. I didn't know if I was actually depressed but...this is what I assumed it felt like. Danny left exactly a month and 8 days ago. He's texted me a total of 6 times throughout the weeks, but he stopped after I hadn't answered any of them. I really wanted to answer them. I wanted to answer every last one. But I knew, I knew it would've made things worse for me. I barely leave my room, mostly because I'm embarrassed. I only leave to go to school which has sucked. Everyone thinks I've died because I don't speak anymore. Lee is mad at me too, only because I didn't tell her that Danny and I were together. Lee and I made a pact in 5th grade that as soon as I kissed Danny I had to run all the way to her house and explain every detail. I wish I could've done that in that moment, but it wasn't right. Every single time I'd pass her in the hallway or try to say something to her she'd act like she couldn't see me. It hurt bad but I understand why she was mad, but the truth was, I really needed my best friend. I wouldn't talk to anyone anymore, not like I ever did. Softball was really the only thing I could do to take my mind off things. But even that couldn't keep the thoughts of Danny away. I mostly thought of him when It snowed which it hadn't a lot in the past couple of days. I would think about that time where we kissed in the snow, I couldn't even listen to music anymore. Everywhere I went, he was, I couldn't escape him or my feelings. I felt like I was drowning and no one could help me out of the water because no one was there. I never realized how strong love actually was, how amazing it can make you feel, but then it can also ruin your life, make you so depressed that you can't even eat anymore.
    "Eat, I made your favorite!," mom says. I just push the plate away,
    "I'm not hungry," I say.
    "That's what you said yesterday," she answers with a worried look. I look at her and shake my head. I knew my mom was worried about me but I didn't care, there was nothing that could make me feel better. Kaley and I never even look at each other anymore, we only saw each other when we had to eat or car rides, but we never spoke. The only thing that really did comfort me was softball and my bed. I have slept more than I ever had in my whole entire life. After school I would sleep, Weekends I wouldn't even get out of bed. It was bad everything was bad, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. March
"Can you please eat something?" My mom asks me again,
    "I'm not hungry," I say again.
"If you don't take a bite of this food I will come over there and make you," she threatens me. I rub my forehead with frustration,
    "I'm almost 18 I don't need you to feed me, I had an apple earlier I'm fine," I say quietly. I take a glance at Kaley and she looks just as worried as mom but as soon as we make eye contact she just looks away like usual.
    "Kara Anne," My mom says giving me her look. I look at her and she points to the food. The fact was, I physically couldn't eat. I've tried and I just didn't have an appetite. I didn't even really want to do anything other than sleep.
    "I'm going to bed," I say getting up from the table.
    "Kara it's 7:00..." my mom says. I shrug,
    "I'm tired, it's been a long day," I say while going upstairs. The truth was I just didn't want to be by anyone, I wanted my bed. I knew my mom was going to start doing something soon because I have been going to bed early for the past month. The next few days were the same, wake up school, softball practice, then home. My mom came to the door of my room and knocked. I was just lying there with my blankets covering me shoulders down. My mom walks in and she comes over to my bed with a pen and notepad.
    "Hey so your 18th birthday is this weekend and I'm having a party for you, I need your help planning it," she says sitting at the food of my bed. I pull my knees up to my chest and I sigh,
    "Can we not do a party I don't want one," I say. She looks at me like I had just cussed at church.
    "Kara you are having a birthday party, you're turning 18!" she says smacking my legs with the notepad. I roll my eyes,
    "I don't really care, I'm not in the mood for a big party," I say. She rolls her eyes too,
    "Well you better get ready because we're having one. My baby is turning 18, an adult!" she says while petting my hair. I put a fake smile on my face and I sigh,
    "Okay mom, sure," I say with a sigh. She smiles and then nods,
    "Okay so what are we doing? Hot dogs, Hamburgers, Pizza?" she says all bubbly. I smile and shake my head,
    "Whatever you want mom," I say. She starts to write down everything,
    "Okay what colors pink? Purple?" she get's even more excited.
    "Mom!" I say out loud. She puts her hands up with a laugh,
    "Okay Okay I'm done, I'm just excited that my baby is going to be an adult!" she says.
    "Why so I don't have to live here anymore?" I ask. She looks at me with a saddened look. I knew she was doing this because I've been so depressed.
    "Baby what's wrong?" she asks finally giving in.
    "There it is..." I say. She sighs.
    "You have been so non-exsistant these past few months I'm getting worried about you," she says. I shrug nonchalantly,
    "Well mom what did you expect, this hasn't been the greatest few months," I say. My mom sighs
    "It had to happen Kara, you two shouldn't be together, and frankly you shouldn't have gone behind your sisters back," my mom explains. I nod,
    "I got the memo, mom can you wrap this up because frankly I'm tired," I say. She blinks slowly and her lips are tight.
    "I can't keep doing this with you, you need to figure whatever is going on with yourself, out," she says then she leaves out of my door. My mother has never fully understood me. She never wanted to, it was like it was too hard to try. I knew from the start with Danny and I, that she wasn't going to understand. I decided to go take a shower because I had noticed that it's been awhile since the last time I did. I get up out of my bed with my twisted sheets all wadded up. I grab a towel from the linen closet and I knock on the bathroom door. Kaley opens the door and she walks past me. I quickly say,
    "Hey is the water warm finally?" I ask. She looks at me and nods with unrequired eyes. I nod and then walk into the bathroom wondering if she'd ever want to talk to me again. During my shower all I could think about was Danny, I really wished I lived in a world where I was the oldest and I could be with him and everyone would be happy. I wondered if Lee would want to talk to me again. She hasn't ever gone this long without giving in and talking to me. I texted her after my shower and told her how much I missed her and how much I needed my best friend. She didn't answer for awhile but then she texted me an hour later saying.
Lee: Can I come over?
Me: Yes please come over!
I quickly combed my wet hair and waited for her to walk in my room. It was about 25 minutes when she opened my door. She stopped in the doorframe and stared at me. I looked at her too mostly with happiness that she was here. I was about to burst into tears, I truly needed my best friend.
    "You look terrible," she says finally. I shrug and wipe away a tear that falls on my cheek. She looks me up and down and starts to walk closer to me.
    "Gosh, have you been eating anything?" she asks finally clasping onto my shoulders. She really looked worried now.
    "Lee I'm so glad you're here," I say attaching myself to her, I really needed her hug. I feel her hand rub my back and then she pulls me back,
    "Kara what on earth is going on with you?" she asks with her eye brows furrowed. I shake my head,
    "I haven't been the greatest, I don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I've ruined everything," I say starting to break down. She shushes me and hugs me again,
    "Kara it's already done, you can't help you you fall in love with and she can't blame you, yes maybe some of it was wrong but you can't please everyone forever. And I'm sorry for acting the way I did, it was immature and it added ever more chaos to your life, I'm sorry," she says. I shake my head,
    "I'm just glad you're here now, don't leave me," I say. She nods,
    "I'm here Kara, I'll always be here."
Aleah stayed the night and comforted me, I actually smiled for the first time in a while, we talked for hours, she mostly talked, and I mostly listened, that's how it usually was. The week went on and my mom was still on about planning my big 18th birthday party. I still wasn't too keene on it, especially how my life has been these past couple of months. But I caved, maybe this party would help me get back to my old self. I got a word out of Kaley today before school, it was a Friday, she always had the best mood on a Friday. I passed her on the way out of the house and she said,
    "Good morning." It doesn't seem like a lot but it still was something. In school I felt like I wanted to talk. I saw Liam in the hallway and I had an urge to talk to him, I still felt bad on what happened at the camping trip. He was talking to his baseball friends but they scattered when I came up to him. He turned to me surprised,
    "You talking again?" he asks with a smile. I smile awkwardly and then sigh,
    "I guess so, your nose looks better, less broken?" I say squinting my eyes to get a better look at it. He laughs and nods,
    "Yeah it's definitely better," he says. I smile bigger this time and nod.
    "I still feel bad on how it all went down, it was supposed to be a fun trip..." I say. He shrugs,
    "You know what I laugh about it till this day," he says leaning against a locker. I nod and chuckle,
    "You don't hate me right? Like even though I kinda just left you?" I say. He laughs and shakes his head,
    "Trust me, it's all good, I think we'd be better as friends anyway," he says. I nod,
    "I'm glad you said that because I think so too," I smile.
    "But if Lorene breaks your heart, he won't hear the end of it," he jokes. My heart thumped, his name, his last name lingered in my brain, Lorene...Lorene. I gulped and looked down, I wanted to cry but I wasn't going to let that happen.
    "Are you okay?-" he asks but I cut him off,
    "My birthday is tomorrow and I'm having a party...you wanna come?" I ask quickly. He smiles,
    "I wouldn't miss it," he says while I hand him an invitation. I smile and then nod,
    "Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow, and again thanks for the talk," I say. He winks and then I walk away. I eventually gave 20 other invitations out, mostly to my softball team. As much as I hated the bus, I've gotten used to it. It was kind of calming putting my earbuds in and listening to music, the cool spring breeze felt so nice on my skin from teh windows. It was 69 degrees outside today, the bus was loud and energetic and I was relaxed feeling the breeze on my skin. My hair was blowing all over the place but I didn't care. I missed the rides with Kaley though, we would've soaked in this weather. Windows down music blasted, coffee in our hands, we would've had a blast. The first feelinng of spring, Kaley's 16th birthday, she got her license. She had promised me a first drive, and as soon as she got that license in her hand we dipped out of the parking lot. She turned on her music and I rolled down my window. The air was chilly but the sun beat down on us. It was an amazing feeling, I missed that day, and this bus reminded me of that. The rest of the night I had decided to watch the Titanic, it was one of my comfort movies. I had my computer on my bed and I was balled up with a bowl of popcorn sitting right beside me. Taking handfulls of popcorn at a time I would watch Jack and Rose, the way they'd look at each other, the longing to be with each other, it reminded me of him. Middle of the movie I checked my phone. The ladt message he sent me it was February 3rd. He stopped after that only because he knew I wasn't going to answer. I read them over and over again until I feel asleep.
January 4th, 1:27 a.m
It's going to be okay, I hope you know that, it'll all fall into place, you probably don't want to hear from me right now, but I had to message you, how are you doing?

January 11th, 12:36 a.m
You probably won't answer me and that's fine but you need to hear this. I don't regret it, any of it, we shouldn't be forced away from each other, it's not the 18th century. Please just text me back, none of this is your fault.

January 29th, 2:18 a.m
Hey, It snowed again today, it made me think of you, I miss your touch, and your laugh, your laugh is what keeps me up at night. Thinking about you makes me feel homesick, I miss you so much Kara, text me.

February 8th, 4:10 a.m
Sorry I'm texting you again, you probably have blocked me, but if you are reading this know I'm not giving up. I never have.

February 14th, 10:45 p.m
Today was Valentines day, it was hard seeing all of the couples in school, I wish I could've taken you out to your favorite greasy restaurant, and I wish I could've gotten you a fresh bouquet of daisies, I would've gotten you whatever you want. If you get this text me back.

February 16th, 1:07 a.m
This is the last text I'm sending you, I probably am hurting you more than anything else, Since I love you, I'm going to let you be, I'm sorry for all of this, it's all too hard for me, I hope you're well, goodbye Kara.
Little did he know that I read every single one, I actually typed out a large paragraph but never sent it, I was tempted to but again...I knew it would make things worse. It was hard to see him struggle the same way I have been struggling.