HOW FAR CAN A PIÑATA RUN INTO THE DESERT?

1. I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PLACE. THAT CACTUS IS LOOKING AT ME WEIRDLY.

I.

You snap into consciousness.

Your body suddenly fills with fear and panic as you realise you are no longer driving on the road, but instead heading out into the darkness of the desert. A large boulder approaches. You clench the wheel tightly and go for the brake, but it's too late. The car smashes into the boulder whitened by the approaching headlights. The deafening smash and shattering sound of broken glass disturb the otherwise silent desert. Your head forcefully bounces off the airbag that magically appears in front of the steering wheel.

You open the door and get out. The car is a wreck; the windscreen has a million cracks in the shatterproof glass, the hood is destroyed, one headlight isn't functioning and the front bumper is hanging unattached from one end. You reach in through the open window and turn the key. The remaining headlight dims while the engine coughs and makes heavy, mechanical-sounding noises. This car isn't going anywhere, you realise.

You look out into the vast, dark, oblivious wasteland that seems to go on for as long as the eye can see. You can't believe you actually fell asleep behind the wheel. You didn't veer off the road too far, though; only a few dozen metres. The lightposts running along the road seem to be the only source of light — except your car's one functioning headlight, that is. You shiver as you feel the cold of the night-time desert, realising now how cold deserts really are at night. You hear a howl in the distance. You know that there are aardfoxes in the desert, along with other not-so-friendly creatures.

You walk along the quiet, mysterious road that is populated by a lightpost every ten metres or so. You're hoping to catch a ride by hitchhiking, but there isn't a car in sight. Another howl echoes in the distance. The desert is quiet, and you don't see anything out in the darkness other than tumbleweeds, boulders and the occasional oddly-shaped cactus. Your phone has absolutely no signal in this wasteland.

Up ahead on the side of the road, you see a white light. You get closer and as your vision clears, you realise it's a telephone booth. You feel a sense of relief. 

II.

You find a magazine in the booth sitting on top of the phone. It has a strange cover that is difficult to describe and is made up of mismatched pages that have loose bits of paper lodged in between them.

You tuck the magazine under your arm and pick up the phone. A small sign on the phone says DIAL 0 FOR SERVICE.

You press 0 and put the phone to your ear. You expect to be connected to some sort of emergency services and mentally begin preparing what you're going to say. At once, an automated voice comes on.

"Welcome to Express Rentals, your favourite conveniently-located car rental service! Would you like to hear about all our amazing promos and discounts today? Yeah? Alright! We've currently got an ongoing promo for you to get 4% off all products..."

You realise this isn't the emergency services and feel a little bit disappointed, but then realise that hiring a car might be your answer to get out of this terrifying desert.

"Would you like to join our membership club?" the voice suddenly says.

You say nothing and wait.

The annoying, over-the-top automated voice comes back. "No problem, valued customer!" it responds. "Now, in your own words, tell us how we can help you today?"

You tell the voice you need a car.

"What make and model would you like to rent out today?"

"Any," you say.

"Okay, valued customer! We have heard your preference and we are currently looking through our current stock to bring you the currently correct specification for your current rental needs! Please wait."