Drugs & Dior

Chapter 12

Angela

Dear Diary,

Cooper is going through his rebellious phase, just like I did. I'm worried about him, he's so much like me. After my rebellious phase, I broke. I feel little to anything anymore, I'm scared that will be his fate too. Cooper has such a beautiful soul, he loves to sing and dance and laugh, I think watching all of that fade away would kill me. It's all my fault. I'm too strict some days, not strict enough others, nice some days, mean others. I'm tired of being his mother, I'm a kid. I'm only twelve, I can't keep cooking and cleaning and being there for him and Emmy everyday.

Dad hit me again today, it's getting worse everyday. He doesn't know what he's doing, though. I still love him. I just hate when he drinks. Him and mom are different when they drink. When he hurts me really bad, mom helps me clean the blood and today she put hello kitty bandaids on my cuts. She smiled at me and whispered in my ear: "don't tell your father about this.." as she snuck a singular gummy worm into my palm. I always eat it instantly in fear she might take it away if I do something wrong. I smiled, open my mouth, and said 'ahh' once it was gone. She smiled and boops my nose "that's my girl," she said before helping me off the bathroom counter and leading me out of the room.

Today mom found me crying in my bed after dad had hurt me. She laid beside me in the bed and hugged me from behind. "He had a rough life," she whispered in my ear. "He doesn't know what he's doing." "He's trying to be better for you." "He loves you." "He's really a good man, you know?" I believe her. I've known dad my whole life and I remember when he would throw me up in the air and catch me, when he would swing me so high I thought I was flying on the swings at the park he took me to everyday. I know he's a good man, but that doesn't stop me from being scared of him sometimes.

—An excerpt from Angela's lost diary.

I wake up before Cooper. The sun is shining on his face, lighting up his dirty blonde hair, making his pale skin glow. I roll onto my back and stare at
the ceiling for a long time, contemplating getting up. I don't have work today, it's a Saturday.

My back doesn't hurt a lot anymore, I took a lot of pills over the span of the night. I couldn't get a good night of sleep, even though Cooper wanted me to. Every few hours I would wake up in pain and get myself some ibuprofens to sooth the ache.

Panic sets into my bones when I remember the events of last night. Instantly, I sit up and turn to Cooper. I woke up before him. Is he passed out? Dead..? My heart skips a beat and I put my ear to Coopers chest.

Badump

Badump

Badump

My stomach untwists slowly but surely and I close my eyes as I listen to the steadying sound of my brothers heart. He's alive. He made it through the night.

The realization of how weird it is to have to worry about my brother making it through the night doesn't hit me until I remove my ear from his chest.

I hate my parents.

I hate them for what they've put Cooper through. Who knows where Emmy is, but I'm glad she's gone so they can't ruin her like they did Cooper and me.

"Angela!" I hear my mom scream. "Angela, where are my meds? Did you take them? Are you getting yourself high now?" She asks, making an appearance in the doorway of my room.