They Could Never Know (Editing)

Part 1

The table was oak, I could still feel the groove in the shape of a ring on my fingertips. Someone had left a glass on the table allowing the condensation to seep into the wood. My face down, eye level with a dirty ash tray, chest digging into the table. Oak wood, groove on the table, focus on that. A hand slid into my hair, tugging at my already sore scalp. I etch my nail into the ringed groove on the table, the smell of old cigarettes burning my nose. Just stay still it'll be over soon. My underwear burn my legs as they scrape down my thighs to my ankles. "Don't move sweety and it will all be ok." A gruffy voice bellows behind me. Oak table, focus on the oak table Tess. Hyper aware of everything around me, I hear creaking boards. Not from behind me where he still as his hands grabbing my waist. My eyes dart towards a tall figure, tears form in my eyes. Please help me, please get him off me, I scream on the inside but no words come out. I knew what would happen if I made noise again. "What the hell is going on." The tall figure steps a little closer. "Get the hell out of here if you know what's good for you boy." Hands tighten around my waist. The creaking, the figure is retreating, no please come back. It was no use, I let my body fully go limp, excepting what's next to come.

......

"File a report Tess." Stacey, my best friend, seethes over the phone. What good would that do I'd be homeless, the state wouldn't be too keen on a mother giving her own daughter up for drugs. " Listen Stace, I really can't deal with this right now. I just moved here and I can't, I can't do it." Tear well up in my eyes. "One of these days your mom is going to get what's coming to her." Stacey shoots back. I don't respond, she knows just as well as I do that if I tried reaching out and no one did anything to help me my mom would beat me within an inch of my life. I tell her goodbye and hang up the phone. I walk to my bathroom, feeling the warmth in my underwear, I was bleeding but not because it was my time of the month. I had never been with anyone, and now the pain was proving that. Bile shot to the back of my throat, my mom had done horrible things but had never stooped to this level. I guess it was only a matter of time before the meth got to her. The stairs creak and I can tell by the walk that it's her, I move from my bathroom to my bed. My door swings open, "Hey baby girl, I know you aren't wanting to talk right now but just know how sorry I am, I never wanted to hurt you. Please, please forgive me Tess." My mom's face is red, faker. I suck in a breath, she was right I was mad but I felt so helpless. "I, I just really don't want to talk about it, like ever again, ok." I'm picking at my nails, the ones I had dug into the oak table. She sighs, "well I just, I don't want them to take you from me, you know I love you and if I," she's rambling but I cut her off. " I love you too and I won't tell anyone now please just get out." My eyes never leaving my nails, just keep picking she will go away soon. My door swings open again and she stomps out. She was going to have to do a lot more than ask for forgiveness on this one. It's Sunday and we just moved here Friday, back to my mom's old stomping grounds from when she was a teenager. Of course she knew where to get the hook up, I just never thought that it would be at my expense. The stairs creak again but this time by body softens, the door knob turns and a small head peeks his way in. "Come in Jackson." I smile. He was why I took it, all of the beatings, mistreatment, and now selling of my body. It kept him safe if there was me to focus on. Jackson runs in hammering his body into mine. "Can you take me to play some ball?" Jackson jumps up and down. Though I wasn't in the mood I didn't want him to know I wasn't ok. Jackson had seen me taking so many beatings but I still pretended each time I saw him again that nothing happened. I had to be the chill big sister. Jackson is ten and is going through his football stage, wants to be just like dad was. Dad...I missed him so much. Before the accident us kids were with him for partial custody but somehow mom convinced the court during her "mourning" that us kids needed to be with their mom and not my grandparents. "I suppose I can handle a few throws, but we can't be out late. We have school tomorrow." I barely get my sentence out before he's running to the door, dragging me by my arm with him. We walk to the field that is settled right behind the school, the massive school. Dad had us kids in his small hometown, with a school small enough Jackson and I both went in the same building. Mom thought that since dad's life insurance paid out pretty well that we would sell his farm and take root in her words "where it all began." We lived on a posh street, probably one of the richest there were. The house was huge and elegant but it had no competition to dad's farmhouse. Mom was only allowed to touch dad's money to buy a house and then the rest wouldn't be released till we were eighteen, each of us getting half of what dad left behind. I swear mom slept with the judge, how could they just give her dad's money, dad's farm, us. Jackson and I were throwing the ball back and forth. I felt eyes on me and turn my head scanning the field. A group of three boys hanging to the side. They take notice to my glance and one begins walking towards me. I really wasn't ready for introductions today, I had a whole senior year starting tomorrow for that. " Hey!" The blonde one hollers now jogging to me seeing that I had turned on my heels and started towards Jackson. "Hey sweet cheeks, c'mon I just wanna meet ya." I whip my head around, was he serious. I stomp my way to him and meet him with my finger to his chest, " Let's lay off the nicknames." A smirk forms on his stupid face. " Well if you would tell me your name there will be no need for names such as that." His blue eyes were dancing and I knew his type. Back before when I went to school in my dad's town he would have been my type, but now in my state, I could never. "Tess Collins" Jackson smiles proudly next to me. So much for him having my back. "Ah, well Tess and..." Jackson cuts him off beaming as he tells him his name. "Jackson, we'll it's really nice to meet the both of you, I'm Liam Phillips. As for you Tess, why don't you meet up with me tomorrow and I'll give you a tour of the school." I can't help it, a laugh falls from my mouth, He sure did think he was cool. "Thanks for the offer but I'm good." I turn on my heels and head towards my house, pulling Jackson away from the conversation. I turn again to look back and Liam is standing, hands tucked in his jeans, same stupid smile on his face, watching me leave. Jackson bounces as we walk, " I really liked him Tess, he reminds me of Kaleb." I jerk Jackson to a halt and glare down at him, "I thought we agreed that when we left Ashbury we wouldn't talk about Kaleb." Jackson just shrugs his shoulders. Of course, how could I have thought a ten year old would understand what it was like to leave a serious relationship when the best was yet to come. I roll my eyes and continue walking up our sidewalk. Kaleb probably hates me by now, I broke things off the minute I found out I was moving from Ashbury, I couldn't deal with losing my dad and having a long distance relationship. I unlock the front door and set my keys down on the entry table. It was quiet, too quiet. I make my way to the living room and sure thing, she's passed out on the couch. I tell Jackson goodnight and head to my room to shower. I had been scrubbing my body raw since that night. I could still smell him on me and it made me sick. Once I decide that I'm clean enough for now I slip into my dad's old t-shirt and pull back the covers. I rest my head on the pillow and drift to sleep.

.......

Oak table, round groove, cigarette smoke.
A tall figure in the doorway.

......

My body comes to life with a gasp. How was I ever going to survive this school year.