Loop of lies {FAKE DATING!!}

#4 who cares about pretty if I fail my finals?

20 FEB, 1 day before final exams

No matter what, I always feel unprepared for a test, as if I haven't studied at all. The thought of making minor errors make me apprehensive. However, since the teachers I trust the most ensures that it is just an exam and there's not much of a difference, I try to pacify myself.

I make sure that I have all the things I need for tomorrow since I have no wish of embarrassing myself. the first exam was of my native language, so I was recklessly chill. I didn't have basic stationery and all my pens were out of ink so I had to go to the store very well knowing I will pick unnecessary things more than what is actually needed.

at the store as I expected, I was spellbound by the alluring stationery. There were a lot of cute stationery I just wanted to take home with me. focus Clara focus you are not here for this. all the stationeries are selling as hot cakes, I can tell by the annoying crowd

I despise the fact that I have to go and study again. I wish exams end soon and I am desperately waiting to reach the end of the exam tunnel. Although at times I am frustrated with studies i have also grown to like it because I have been consistently doing it and studying everyday till midnight has become one of my aesthetics and I adore it. By and large studying at night was more appealing to me when my windows are open, cold snaps adds to the serenity of my night studying session.

I am trying to study after getting home, not to mention that my mom is a hell lot more nervous than me. she keeps asking if I have backpacked everything and advising not to panic or rush in the exam hall and mess up. I wish I could travel to the future and know what it's going to feel like. all the pessimistic thoughts crawl into my mind, what if I reach late to school and miss the bus that will take us to the centre? what if the question on the exam comes from the chapter that I missed? what if I miss a question because of rushing or what if I would not be able to manage the time. A better one, what if I tear the question paper in frustration and curse at the teachers and leave the hall? Consequences be damned. I dismiss those thoughts because I can't afford to waste any more time and instead focus on what I can do which is study. I have messed up my native language exam many times but there's no point in crying over spilt milk.

throwing my thoughts away I focus on what I have skipped or unfinished and pick my pace up because my eyes were becoming heavy, and I have no wish of having coffee since that is going to invite one more damn pimple on my face. When I started feeling I have done enough and everything, I hit the sack.

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as decided, I get up at the crack of the dawn and as expected my mom is asking me the same questions again. I can't blame her. this is parent's nature. anyway, i was shook that my skirt still fits me since I haven't worked out in days. my heart almost race at the thought of meeting every single friend after weeks, there is gonna be people that claim to not study wholly and are actually being truthful and others who claim to not study but are actually lying through one's teeth. ugh

I catch up to my van as of the time knowing in a few hours either I will ace the exam or fuck it up. Relax Clara relax, I set foot in school after what felt like an eternity. watching everyone sitting on the bench and still revising makes me nervous but anyway. I search for my friends and i spot stella and Amelia, the bosom friends. I have never seen amelia being very comfortable with anyone but with stella the case was different. it is as if stella brings a different side of her and around stella she never shuts up. as soon as they both see me their arms wrap around me like vines on a tree. i hug them back, in a heartbeat forgetting about the stress i was carrying on my shoulders for so long

"Gurll did you study? " i ask them

"Yeah, we did, it's the final week" said amelia

"i got the motivation to seriously study two nights ago" stella told us. go girl!