'identity'- poetry

maladaptive daydreamer

—

1.

in my mind i have a world 

so vibrant and engaging

i never have trouble navigating life in there

i never even have to be me.

i spend my days indulging in my characters, my creation

maybe even my best friends.

who needs a reality to let me down

who needs a reality to constantly screw me over

who needs a 'restart'

when i have all i could ever dream of 

right here in my head?

maybe sometimes it's scary

as i can never get out of my world

but when did a little imagination ever hurt?

i can control and pick at anything i don't like

i can even pretend i'm someone else

i can finally live as someone who's better

who didn't make all the same mistakes as me

who's not a cold and bitter person living off jealousy.

pacing in circles brings me above life

casts down reality and gives me something bright

something i can actually look up to in the night.

from time to time

i choose to switch from living life for me

to living my life for 'them'

i find myself becoming 'them'.

almost as if they've begun to control me

picking at the things they don't like

but it's not like i'm going to put up a fight.

except in the past, i did

i tried to brush them off like they shouldn't exist

i don't think i can carry on without their presence

i don't think i can face reality and all its cruelty

without their weight pushing me ahead

without their weight keeping me in my head.

2.

my ideas slowly become abnormal

something straying too far from me

but straying far too close to reality.

3.

i've recently adopted the fact that

dreaming all the time isn't normal

it isn't really sane

it's honestly quite horrible.

no one else i've met

has owned up to having similar worlds as me

they don't have a place filled with imaginary

characters and moments

to escape the times when they didn't really want to exist.

they don't live in another reality from this.