Easier

0800 123 123

I find Lerumo and Lesedi sleeping on the rug. I take my shoes, then I text my sisters that I arrived safely. I take Lesedi to her bedroom then I wake Lerumo up, he joins me on his bed after giving me a hug.
"How are you feeling love?"
"I don't know, my heart hurts so much." He tries to hide his tears. I give him a jug and pretend not to see the back hand wipe. He cries silently on my shoulder; I hum while rocking side to side. My heart hurts on his behalf. We stay until his cries die down and only his sniffs are left. I gently place a kiss on his lips and squeeze his hand. I want to lie to him and say that everything will be okay, but I don't know how he feels.
He lies down and pulls me to his chest, his breathing picks and slows in intervals. His hand not leaving mine. I wish I could help him more than laying together but I saw a post on the blue bird from SADAG that says "Listen, to what your loved one wants, they know." I am slowly falling asleep, I peek at him and he is sleeping. I close my eyes as well.
We are woken up by Lesedi, getting on the bed pushing me off her "daddy." I am suffering because my father is a retired schoolteacher and not a pilot. Lerumo laughs at our squabble. His laugh doesn't reach his eyes though.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Nothing." Lerumo.
"Please have a rusk and tea or grapes."
"Only because you know who will also refuse to eat." Lerumo and I laugh. I dish up for Lesedi and I, Lerumo feeds her then they eat grapes and juice while I bath. I find them watching a movie when I get out. I change into my sleepwear and join them.
"Thank you." Lerumo randomly says about 30minutes later.
"For what?"
"Loving me, flaws and all." Lerumo.
"Anytime. Have you thought about the wedding?"
"Yes, we do the lobolo on the 13th, mahlabiso on the 20th then a celebration on the 28th." Lerumo.
"So you want everything done by the end of March?"
"Yes, unless you don't want that." Lerumo.
"Not at all, I was wondering if you know that we have less than 2 weeks for everything."
"I know, I told you that I want you as my wife for my birthday." Lerumo.
"Okay, so where do we stay after that weekend?"
"With your man, Zamo can use the outside room." Lerumo.
"I will speak to her and hear her thoughts. You look sleepy."
"I am, I took sleeping pills while you bathed. I just want to rest and wake up with a clearer mind." Lerumo.
"I will sleep in the other room then."
"No." Lerumo, gets up from the bed and takes Lesedi to her bedroom. I switch off the television and place the remotes on the dresser. Lerumo gives me a hug from behind.
"I think we should take a break." Lerumo.
"You are dumping me?" I ask confused, Lerumo just proposed marriage and now he wants a break. A break from what? He had a year to stop chasing me and now his giving me this, I fix my frown because I was told I would get wrinkles.
"I am not dumping you, Fifi I am going through a rough patch and I can feel the down, these meds are not going to be enough, usually people leave when I became this, I am simply giving you a chance before we hurt each other, I may not be able to have sex with you for week and I know you have needs." Lerumo.
"Good grief, wena you think I am with you for your penis? Lerumo what happens when we live together full time? Will you move out." I chuckle, his penis really.
"I promise you things get worse than now my love; it is embarrassing not to get an erection because my brain doesn't work." Lerumo. I can't read his face; he looks sad or disappointed. Heck, I don't know how I feel about all of this.
"I hate the person who first laughed at your vulnerability. Lerumo, I don't know what it feels like to have erection problems, I know that you love me and always make my end worth it, I will be patient with you. We've known each other for so long and I have not once demanded sex from you, I wouldn't start now. There's other ways for orgasms which we could do should the need arise but for now you have nothing to worry about."
"What if someone tempts you?" Lerumo.
"Someone Nkanyiso? does he have a pilot license? property and can afford to buy me a house in an estate in Harties, does have a Merc that he will borrow me?" I ask laughing, Lerumo laughs a bit shaking his head.
"My brother is everything I am not." Lerumo sadly says.
"You are right." Lerumo lifts his head up quickly before I can continue.
"He is married, doesn't have direction, doesn't respect anyone, is entitled, spoiled and he has a big head with a peanut brain." We laugh.
"I thought you would like him." Lerumo.
"No, have you not heard that lady say 'A man must buy you a house, fly you out?' We laugh as go through socials to look for the video.
"You should worry about Thapelo, he could be my 3rd husband, his gentle and loves his wife." I tease.
"Lungi is from Sgandafu, she is related to that guy who can steal your car wheels while you drive, I will just pay you funeral policy." Lerumo tickles me and I laugh. Sgandafu is a location in Soshanguve, it is infamous for its high crime rates.
"I thought she is a burbs girl. I am joking my love you have nothing to worry about, Lesedi would my daddy this and that the poor guy that I would get dumped. I love you for me and I love you for Lesedi, we will work through the emotions. When are you seeing the Psychiatrist?"
"I have an appointment with the Military one on Tuesday, I was told I could fly provided he gives the IAM a report and checks on me monthly." Lerumo.
"Oh, that's good news. If you want me to come with do let me know."
"I will go for this one alone and maybe the next we can go together." Lerumo.
"I will come with you and wait outside please allow me."
"Thank you, I will appreciate that." Lerumo.
I call Zamo to inform her that I will need her to pick Lesedi up from school on Tuesday and that we will be home on Wednesday. Lerumo is already sleeping when I get down with the phone, I make a note on my phone to call Mrs Mags to check up on her, having your children fight must be a lot for her.
Monday morning Lesedi and I get up for work and school. We had to be early because we slept over at Lerumo's. I am making breakfast for Lerumo, he is not going to work. He is not doing that well, he tries for Lesedi. He ate cake with her for breakfast yesterday. I kiss him on his head then we leave, he had a rough night, he kept having nightmares and woke up twice crying in his sleep.

Kganya.