~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 38

Dino gasps shocked when he feels Joshua's body jerking around him. Dino still tries to catch the leader, but he falls on the ground with a thud and stays still. Somewhere down the street, Dino hears screaming. His heart skips a beat when he recognizes Scoups' voice. Scoups is screaming his name, Scoups is scared that Dino might have been the one hit. And then, Dino realizes everything. Joshua wanted to kill Dino. These bullets were for him. Dino stares at Joshua shocked, he never knew the leader actually wanted to kill him. But why did he still save him?
"Why did you save me?" Dino asks and Joshua slowly looks up at Dino.
"Jeonghan would have done the same thing", he mumbles before the life dissapears from his eyes. Dino stares at Joshua speechless while the blood is slowly getting to his red hair. It gives different shades of red and weirdly it's kind of beautiful. But it scares Dino how deeply Joshua felt. Joshua loved Jeonghan so much and hated Dino so deeply that those two feelings caused his death. Dino never realized, but feelings could actually kill you. 
"Joshua!" Dino hears a voice right beside him, but the sadness which makes that voice tremble is heartbreaking. Dino looks at Scoups and watches as he falls down on his knees besides his dead friend. Scoups starts sobbing and he grabs Joshua's bloody clothes with his hands, shaking his body trying to wake him up. It makes Dino wonder, would Scoups' feelings for Dino be so deep that he would die for him? Would Dino die for Scoups? Dino knows that the answer to both questions is yes. But doesn't that make them dangerous for each other? Is their friendship really worth death? What would Dino do when Scoups would be dead? Would he become crazy just like Joshua? Will he spend the rest of his life taking revenge? Dino wishes he never has to find out. 
"Tell me this is some weird fucking dream", Scoups begs as he looks Dino in the eyes. Dino gasps surprised as he looks into Scoups' eyes. He's not looking at his friend, he's looking at a man in pain. A broken man, a fallen man, someone who has nothing left to live for. This isn't the real Scoups, right? But the longer Dino looks into Scoups' eyes, the more he understands. This is the real Scoups. Not the courageous leader, not the strong roommate or the criminal. Deep inside, Scoups always has been a broken man. Dino feels tears coming up in his eyes, not for Joshua, but for Scoups. He feels sorry for his friend, who has been through hell and back only to get hurt once again. But right there, Dino realizes that Scoups still has him. And Dino will make sure that Scoups has something to live for, otherwise Dino is scared that he might lose his other half. Dino could scream and yell and tell Scoups that Joshua tried to kill him, but would that help? It would only cause more pain, so Dino decides to keep this for himself. Although he really hates Joshua, he can't get himself to break the image Scoups has of his friend and leader. 
"We need a new leader", Dino suddenly blurts out and Scoups freezes in place.
"What?" he asks in disbelief. "How dare you think of that right now? Joshua is dead! I don't care about anything else and neither should you!" Scoups is scolding Dino but Dino doesn't listen. He knows Scoups is emotional right now so he lets him be, but what Dino said is true. Joshua was their leader, they need a new one if they want to keep the group. But it seems like Scoups doesn't want to think about such things right now, so Dino has to come up with something else. 
"I know you're in pain right now, but we have to inform the others", Dino says softly while he tries to lock eyes with Scoups, who keeps staring at Joshua's body. 
"And maybe we need to bury him", Dino adds when he also can't get his eyes off his enemy.
"I can't do it", Scoups whispers and he grabs Dino's shirt like a todler. Dino feels the warmth of his friend's head while Scoups buries his head into Dino's chest, still on his knees. Dino feels sorry for Scoups, he didn't know Joshua's death would make him this vulnerable.
"You can do it, Scoups. You know why?" Scoups shakes his head and Dino makes sure his friend looks him in the eye before he continues.
"Because you're Scoups Mayhow, our leader, our hero, our friend. My roommate, my other half. There's nothing you can't do", Dino says and Scoups blinks slowly, trying to process the words.
"You think too highly of me", Scoups whispers while he tries to look away, but Dino grabs his chin and forces Scoups to look at him.
"Look at me," Dino says firmly, "I need you. We all need you. Every piece of my body needs you." Dino watches tears flowing down Scoups' cheeks and he feels tears coming up too, but he has to stay strong for his friend.
"But I need him", Scoups mumbles as he looks at Joshua. Dino kneels down and hugs Scoups tight. The moment Dino's arms are fully wrapped around Scoups' body, the older starts to cry his heart out. Dino rubs Scoups' back trying to comfort him.
"It's okay, I'm here", Dino keeps whispering while he lets Scoups cry on his shoulder. He knows his friend just needs a moment, then he will be able to be his strong self again.
"I may not be Joshua, but I will try my best to give what he gave you", Dino adds when they break the hug. Scoups nods thankful while he wipes his tears and gets up.
"You said we had to tell the others?" he asks and Dino blinks surprised before nodding his head.
"Let's bury Joshua first then", Scoups says as he already walks away to get the stuff they need, leaving Dino alone with the man who tried to kill him. Dino looks at Joshua and tries not to break eye contact with those dull, lifeless eyes. 
"I won't be you," Dino spits out, "I will be a thousand times better."