The Swords We Yield - ◈ ARMIN ARLERT X OC ◈

Chapter 25 - Separation

I navigate through the halls trying to locate Gen and Jacob since they disappeared with Adam. Aimless wandering around the Scout base, I finally give up before deciding to go to the dining hall, hopefully I can find someone there. I think to myself before slipping through the open door. Several Scouts are scattered across the room sitting in groups at different tables, I glance across all of them in search of a familiar face. Finally I spot Rosette sitting with Monique, Connie, Sasha and Jean, I smile to myself before making my way over to them.

"Hey guys!" I chime sliding onto the seat next to Connie.

"Oh hey Whitlock. How's the recovery going?" He asks, turning to look at me. I nod looking at the others before responding, "Yeah good!" Rosette watches me with a smile before looking over her shoulder at Jean beside her. "So, what have you guys been up to? I haven't seen you lot since the mission." I ask resting my elbows on the table, looking past Connie to Sasha.

"Not much, just a lot of sleeping and some training I guess." She laughs staring back at me. Right of course they have been training, my stupid injuries have put me behind once again and if I plan on doing well in Hange's squad I better get my act together quick smart.

"Zariya?" Rosette voice echos making my head shoot up.

"Hm?" I hum looking at her.

"Are you okay, you seem a bit distracted?" She asks from the otherside of the table.

"Oh no I'm fine, just had a thought that's all." I smile, glancing back at each of them.

"Right~" Connie trails off looking across the table at Monique.

"So what else is new with you guys!" I quickly blurt, eager to change the subject.

"Well..." Rosette trails off looking at Jean, "We all just got asked to join the Levi Squad." She finishes staring down at the plant in front of here.

"Oh!" I breathe, they all got asked? "Well that's great guys! I'm really happy for you all!" I smile looking around at all of them.

"Thanks." Rosette whispers quickly glancing up at me. I smile again, not sure of what to say next, Jean clears his throat before picking up his plate and glass.

"Well we should probably get back to our quarters, Levi said we will be leaving before sunrise tomorrow." He explains, the others following his lead.

"Right of course." I mutter, standing up as well before abruptly stopping. "Wait. Leaving? Where are you all going?" I question, confused. The group of them exchanged worried glances before Jean continues, "I don't think I was supposed to say that last part..." He trails off before quickly fleeing the table. Rosette calls after him, but he just pretends he doesn't hear her and dumps his plate on the bench before stumbling out of the room.

"Well..." Sasha begins putting her plate back down, "Levi has decided that it is best if Eren trains in a remote location so he is able to better his titan abilities, and well~ since we are all in his squad now... we are going with them." She mutters in a guarded tone. My mind straight away goes to Armin as I take in a sharp breath, "All of you?" I repeat, questioning her. They all nod slowly before Rosette speaks, "Armin too." She mutters above a whisper.

"Oh, of course!" I scoff trying to laugh it off, "I would expect him too, Mikasa as well. I mean it makes sense you are all going your all in the squad so it wouldn't make sense to separate you." I blurt, "I'm sure Gen, Jacob and I will be busy here too, we got asked to join Hange's squad..." I trail off as the lump in my throat continues to rise, "I- I probably should've mentioned that." I laugh looking back at them as I continue to talk their ears off feeling like an idiot. I clear my throat before continuing "Excuse me." I whisper, backing away from them.

"Zariya!" Rosette calls after but I have already turned away, navigating my way back out of the dining hall.

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My uneven breaths are the only sound that echoes through the halls as I hurry back to my room, I feel the tears pricking the corners of my eyes as I pick up my pace, don't cry you idiot, why do you have to be so weak and sensitive all the time, I think to myself as I burst into my room. I quickly sit down on the side of my bed gripping the sides of the mattress as I try to calm my breathing.

They are all leaving me, all of them. Now it's just a temporary relocation for training, but tomorrow I won't see any of them ever again. I'll probably get killed before we see eachother again, my unsteady breathing continues as I look up at the ceiling trying to fight my tears. Why does everyone always leave me? Armin and the others will be gone, Gen and Jacob will have each other and once again I will be left all alone. I hate feeling like this, like people should pity me, the girl who is always abandoned, even if it isn't by choice. First my parents, then Nick, now my new family? When did I become so attached? What happened to keeping my head down and getting through life alone?

I have always seen the worst in the things around me, but that's the only thing I have. Staying pissed all the time and looking at the world through my swamp coloured glasses. I keep viewing myself as a lost cause and as not enough, I use everything I've been through as one big guilt trip, but the reality is half the people here have been through the exact same thing. I look back down at my shoes, letting out a long breath before sighing and sitting on the ground. I stare at my trunk under my bed before hesitantly pulling it out. I grip the cold handle, dragging it out from under my bed. It has accumulated a layer of dust, I haven't touched it since I kicked it under my bed the day we got here. I gently wipe away the dust, coughing as the particles fly into the air and into my nose.

With another sigh I bring my fingers to open the buckles, pushing open the lid. Even looking at it is hard, I blankly stare at Nick's notebook for what feels like an eternity before daring to reach out and grab it. My shaking hand hovers about it as I analyse the worn leather in the poor lighting. "Come on Zariya just do it." I whisper to myself before finally dropping my hand to the cool material. Gently picking it up, I close my trunk with my other hand and slide it back under my bed before standing up.

I stand in the middle of the empty room staring down at the small book unsure of what to do next, I swiftly sit down on my bed again, reaching to unravel the rope tightly secured around the book. I look up when I hear a noise outside my door realising that if I'm going to do this now I need to go somewhere I know I won't be interrupted by other people, and considering I share this room with not only Gen but Rosette and Monique, I know this is definitely not the place. With that, I rush to the door and set off to search for a place to go.

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I swiftly walk through the quiet halls scanning each one as I do, looking for an empty room. When I have no luck I settle on going outside, I reach the end of a hall that leads outside. Quietly opening the door, I'm confronted but the cold evening air that licks my back makes the hairs on my neck shoot up. I quickly slip through the door, gliding down the stairs. Planting my feet at the bottom of the staircase I look around the empty courtyard before my eyes settle on the sky above me. I stare at the stars mesmerised as I locate all the constellations I know, smiling to myself as I do. I think about Armin and how part of me wishes he was out here with me stargazing, I feel stupid thinking about it but it doesn't stop my stomach from doing a backflip. I shake the thought away looking back down, I notice a beautiful oak tree in the middle of the court making me relax. This is the place, this is where I will finally find out what hides in the pages of Nicolas' notebook.