Living In The Shadows by Alayna Marie Ayres

Chapter 10 Rised from the shadows and falling down

I did rise the Phoenix from the ashes I don't even know how I did how I got through from
Losing my parents which was the hardest part of my life losing them and everything else that I had lost myself in so many ways had to find my back within myself had and realize that I had to heal through my pain which wasn't easy for all of these years I was shamed who I really was I couldn't even breathe or try to be normal and my own self hidden deep dark pain  that I couldn't even tell anyone that I was I supposed to live my truth I didn't even know how I could have kept this hurt my family and whom people I could trust with this for so many years I was lost and physically hurt from all the painful memories of my past I thought I couldn't heal from painful memories I did things that I was shamed of my past always hunted me down wanted to open that door but why would I want someone to open that door again for what? To hurt me even more so I thought my life wasn't always sunshine and roses at all I didn't even know how I could keep myself from telling my pain but I just kept telling myself I wasn't anything I just didn't want anyone else to hurt me like I said life wasn't always fair to me ever I lost my self over the years I felt like I wasn't worth anything people would hurt me imagine able ways that I could never forget ever it was stilled in my mind those awful words those people said about me that I wasn't worth anything that I failed at life that I wouldn't become anything at all I didn't deserve to find happiness so I thought I didn't belong in the world it was just so hard for me so express myself in so many ways no one understood me or wanted too I was so unstable I didn't want anyone to see me at all I wanted to become invisible and not exist in the world but if I did that I wouldn't have become anything but letting them win so I rosed from the ashes and became stronger I thought I could I and I had false hope about it I became more depressed and physically sick within myself i couldn't even look at myself in the mirror or didn't even want too honesty of how uncomfortable I felt or un beautiful I felt the pain I felt was unbelievable and I didn't know how to feel anything at all I just wanted this pain to
Stop from hurting when would it stop when did I feel anything ? Soon or no ?