Living In The Shadows by Alayna Marie Ayres

Chapter 2 living through the pain

Chapter 2: Living through the Pain
You know when you feel so numb? You don't wanna get out of bed?
That's how I felt during this time. I never wanted to leave my house or even leave my room. I was very depressed. I didn't want to deal with the things I was dealing with.
Everything was spinning around me.
I didn't know how to deal with anything more because again, who would believe me at this point in my life? No one had so I thought, why try anymore?  I didn't go to Jr High for 3 days! My family eventually had to help me up to get to school.
I faked my happiness, and even though I didn't feel like smiling, I did.
Facing people every day was hard. I just wanted to just crawl into the darkness and stay there and never leave.
I tried to deal with the bullying but I was losing control of myself and shaking terribly. I remember my hands trembling. I could barely speak.
I hated my life at this point in time. I was not myself and I didn't feel pretty. I was really messed up. I couldn't think straight. I felt worthless and numb. Too much personal stuff was going on at home and school.
I just kept faking my happiness; my smile. That's all I knew to do.
Deep inside I was pissed off.
Why wouldn't anyone believe me about anything? Why wouldn't my teachers believe me??? Why wouldn't they try hard enough to help me stop this from happening? I just didn't know what do.
My family tried their honest best to help though. My dad even called the school several times but that didn't work.
I recall telling my teachers about what happened but they ignored me and didn't do a damn thing. I was like, are you serious?
This is such a joke! I wasn't laughing though.
I was pained. I couldn't and I didn't want to face the world anymore.
What was the point? In living in  the shadows of the pain felt nothing or did I wanna feel anything anymore because I was going through so much pain and suffering as it was I never thought I wouldn't be able to heal though this time of my life during this time of my life no one would believe me at all so I just gave up on everything my family tried help me my parents did everything they could to make this stop there was so much going on In this time of my life so much stuff at home as well I wished so much for people do believe me of what happened to me during this period of time of my life so I thought I questioned so much of my self during this time of my life my teachers wouldn't believe me at all they said oh kids will be kids I'm like are you seriously saying that to me right now I was so mad upset about this I didn't know how to feel at all. I shut the world out and so many people out so what's the point I thought   Why even try anymore I was deep dark place I felt nothing at all nothing mattered to me at all I just went to my room and just cried for hours straight I didn't want to face the world anymore. So I thought