BEYOND THE CAMERA (Alien Stage)

Ang Buhay Na Gusto Mo

Dahil conyo ako, yung title lang Tagalog. Sorry gar, my false, di ko kaya mag Tagalog HAHAHAHAHAAHA. May biglaan nag Tagalog kasi depende ito sa mood, syemperds di naman ito seryoso na fanfic. Sana matuto ako ng maayos na Tagalog para lang makasulat ako ng matino na kwento para sakaniya HAYS NAKU SINO YON AAHAHAHAHAHA nagpaparinig na si author sa notes pero dipa nag sulat peleng kilala naman na a.

Translation : Not direct, the tldr here is that I'm not taking this fic seriously so the Tagalog isn't that deep.

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Till walked by a 7-Eleven store that day. He bought his usual make-shift meal with the money he brought. It became a habit at this point, buying less even when he's a semi-hit star who's making enough money. Maybe he still thinks of himself as a nobody as he reminisces about the time he once worked at a convenience store when his music career wasn't working out.

Then of course, the miracle named Ivan came to his store and immediately recognized him. Scouting him for his agency while Till only declined, he didn't want to leave Mizi behind, he'd be a bad friend.

Right?

Tuloy, nagcucup noodles nalang si Till habang nag seselos siya dahil may putanginang co-actress na lapit nang lapit kay Ivan. Naku naman Lord, wala pa nga silang label napaka red flag naman ni Till haysus.

(So Till ended up having cup noodles while sulking in jealousy because of a damned co-actress that's getting a bit too close with Ivan. Are you kidding me...they don't even have a label! You're such a red flag Till hays.)

At least may inspiration para sa bagong song, no? Ano naman ito, “Yung crush ko noong highschool year ko bumalik at ngayon di ko na alam kapag kami ba o hindi" kanta? Kakahiya naman, malalaman ng lahat kung sino tinutukoy talaga! Kahit di pa sabihin yung pangalan ni Ivan, alam na ni panginoon kung sino pinaparinggan ni Till.

(At least that can be inspiration for a new song, no? What'll this be again.."My crush back from highschool that came back now I don't know if we're together or not" song? It's quite embarrassing knowing everyone would know who he's singing about! Even if he didn't say Ivan's name, God already knows who Till is singing about!)

That's right, Till was writing a song for Ivan but Ivan doesn't know that. He wrote one already, for his attempt at a comeback. By the heaven’s will he became popular because of that, damn, was the generation so desperate for love that even a love song that's just yearning for the impossible is relatable? How sad, even if Till isn't even that old.

He's been learning a language for this song, after listening to those delulu Filipino playlists for fucking IVAN FANFICTION ideas, he's finally been convinced to learn Tagalog just so he can have one of his songs on those playlists. Then in his delulu mind, he can dream of a life with Ivan just. With him.

“Pero, ang totoo…”

("But, the truth it...")

Till quietly sang a little song he randomly picked up from scrolling endlessly on his socials. His pronunciation was still a bit off, but he's learning,at least. He's thinking of coming clean to his well, fanbase, he guesses…so that he can somehow find a few fans who can point out his mispronunciation and things.

“Gusto ko ibigay ang buhay na gusto mo."

("I want to give you the life you want.")

Till played the chords while singing the lyrics, feeling a bit of everything as he thought of singing it to Ivan. In front of the majestic black haired man as he sang it with no fancy lights or on a stage, no choreography,no cameras just…two of them in his studio…with his guitar being the only support for his vocals as he sang it with the same energy he had when he wrote his comeback song years ago.

It was cringe, really. He didn't like the lyrics but it still holds a special place in his heart, why? Because it's a song for Ivan, damn it. He heard Ivan singing it one time and he felt his heart race as Ivan sang the rather cringe worthy lyrics with his angelic voice. That's why he wanted to write a new one and another in a new language.

One he wishes not to publish until he sings it to Ivan privately while the other is just him wanting to share that yes, he is extremely down bad and he will write a song about it.

“At balang-araw, maidadala kita sa Shibuya. O sa may cafe na may capybara..”

("And in the future, I can bring you to Shibuya. Or to a cafe with a capybara.")

Till started to move around a bit, feeling the beat as his voice started to get louder and louder. His guitar sounded more alive as he thought more about it. Even if he was being delusional, he just wanted to feel the feeling of being loved even if it's just in his head.

“At puwede tayong mag-retire. Sa Vancouver, sa may Canada.”

("And we can retire at Vancouver at Canada.")

He chuckled a bit as he thought of them retiring and growing old together. Till was really gone, huh?

“Pero ang totoo…”

("But the truth is...")

Kahit kapag wala siyang kasama, tinutok parin niya ang kanyanag mata sa upuan na isip niya meron si Ivan.

(Even if nobody else was in the room, he focused his eyes on a chair where he imagined Ivan would be sitting.)

Reaching out his hand, pointing and smiling but it still felt sad. Knowing he's not singing it to someone in reality.

"’Di bale na ako…"

("I don't really mind.")

Till really wanted to confess to Ivan.

“Ikaw lang naman..”

("It's just you.")

He was bad with expressing his words properly when he knew the other was still getting used to being himself after so long of masking. Ivan was recovering, Still thought. What if he gets too overwhelmed?

“Ikaw lang iniisip ko, kasi..”

("You're the only one I think about, because..")

He wants Ivan to be happy with him. He doesn't want to be selfish and make the other love him.

" Gusto ko ibigay ang buhay na gusto mo.”

("I want to give you the life that you want.")

He meant it, Till meant it when he sang that. He wanted to give so much to Ivan after the other gave so much for him. He felt touched when he found that Ivan’s character in the alien stage did so much for Till’s safety that he almost actually cried when round 6 was filmed, he had doubts. Dark thoughts, because he just looked so dead.

It felt too real.

“At gusto ko ibigay ang buhay na gusto mo..”

("And I want to give you the life that you  want.")

Till dreaded watching the MV as he kept watching over and over, Ivan’s dead body on the floor. And to think that he never looked at Ivan throughout the series, it hurt him. But it was all for show, so he felt a bit guilty for feeling that way, because Ivan likely saw more things than him, hasn't he?

"At gagawin ko’ng kahit ano, ohh…"

("And I'll do anything for that, ohh...")

Ivan was already used to this. Used to acting. Till isn't, so he thought he shouldn't think that way. Even still, he couldn't stop from fearing for the worst. He knew Ivan's life was on camera, on the stage. If Till confessed now, what about their careers?

“Gusto ko ibigay ang buhay na gusto mo.”

("I want to give you the life you've always wanted.")

With that, Till finally decided.

He'll confess through a song, up on stage, even if Ivan isn't watching him…just wanted to sing his heart out. To the crowd, to him, and to himself.

He just wants to give Ivan the life Ivan wants.