BEYOND THE CAMERA (Alien Stage)

Gnossienne Part II

Sua had always made Luka feel uneasy at times. Soft eyes looking at him, looking through his soul. Looking at the most vulnerable parts of himself that he would never like to show anyone. Yet she never spoke about it, never. Would always just give him a smile, a pat on the back, and encouraging words. Like a distant mother he used to have, a neglectful father he loathed because he would only speak to him on the stage underneath bright lights. 

Luka narrowed his eyes when he watched as the lights highlighted Sua’s ethereal features, he and her were like the same. The uncanny perfection that makes you scream that the beauty you’re looking at is inhuman. Except, unlike her, Luka found himself trapped in the dark. Trapped in rough calloused hands around his neck, trapped with the doctors dissecting him open. Letting him bleed out for them to clap at. To fascinate over. Over how he still looked pretty with tears in his eyes as he agonizes the pain. It dulls out overtime because Luka knew that it was partially his fault, he had let them use him even when he knew how damaged he would be afterwards.

Needless to say, Luka had envied Sua for the longest time for her beauty.

Then there was Ivan, oh…Ivan.

Luka had never felt so much disdain yet admiration for someone for the longest time, yet he never knew why he disliked Ivan for so long. Was it because of something that had happened when they were younger? Or was it simply just easier to hurt people who remind someone of themselves that to accept and help them grow like you haven't? Luka doesn't know. He never needed to, anyway. Why would he? It's too late to redeem himself now, not when he's stabbed Ivan with so much hatred in his words many times that a mere apology and slow recovery journey wouldn't be enough. He needed to repent. And that would need a permanent cease to exist.

Because how can Ivan ever forgive someone like Luka? When Luka himself cannot forgive himself for things that people might as well have long forgotten. Which was funny, he remembered everything about himself so clearly yet not for others. How selfish is that?

Luka laughed, alone, in the bathroom. Kneeling down to the toilet as he heaved a breath after flushing the contents of his breakfast. 

Then a knock.

“Luka?”

A rough, deep voice cut through deafening silence that was accompanied by the water as white noise. Luka held his breath once more as he heard another knock, louder this time.

“Luka.”

A call for his name, a demand rather than a question this time. Something Luka could not bear.

‘Why are you here, Ivan?’

He wanted to say aloud his thoughts, yet words cannot be said when flowers hoard the capacity of his lungs. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It. Hurts. 

His eyes were blurring, something wet rolled down from his face and he didn't know if it was because Ivan may have dropped water on him or something else as he felt hands on his shoulders, there was a numb swaying motion keeping him on the ground. Luka's eyes strayed further beyond the man that had a questionable expression on his face as he focused on the broken knob. 

Did Ivan do that?

Well, Idols were put to grueling hours each day. Ivan was just one of many, just that he has started to work on strength more just to endure Till's ungodly punches when he gets annoyed at him. His lips curled a bit at that thought, ah, they really are perfect together. Luka wondered if he'd make it to the day where they'd be like Mizi and Sua.

That was his final thought before everything slipped through his fingers, someone was keeping him from falling but he was certain his knees- No, his whole body gave out as everything went completely dark.