RIVER (An Eminem FanFiction)

Chapter 49

November 2nd 2023
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Sophia's POV

Two security gaurds walks into the room, it must be 6:40. I signal to them for 10 more minutes and as they leave, Marshall finally raises his head to reveal his bloodshot, blue eyes and tear stained face...

"I- I don't know what to sa-say anymore Soph." He quietly sobs, wiping tears from his eyes before they have chance to fully escape. He stays silent for a minute, I assume getting his emotions in check and planning his next words.

When he is finally visibly calmer, he begins to talk again.

"If I lose you, I lose it all Soph. There's nobody else for me, its you, its always been you and its always going to be you. You've given me everything, you gave me my daughter. You showed me love, friendship, respect and that's something I ain't ever had before, not like it was wit' you anyway. You never jumped to conclusions or blamed me, you never got mad at me or asked for anything and I fuckin' hate myself for fucking shit up wit' you."

"I can't explain it, its like I don't believe I deserve happiness and good things so I fuck it up for myself before anyone else gets the chance. I'll keep sayin' it Soph, I want to marry you and I know I have to change before you even consider it but I want nothin' more than us and Ava."

"I was scared when you told me you were pregnant, terrified even-"

"And you think I wasn't?" I interrupt him.

"Nah, course you were but I like to be in control. I like to know whats gonna happen, a kid's a huge ass thing and I was unprepared and overwhelmed. I knew I wasn't in a place where I could be there for you or her. I knew I was going on tour, releasing albums. I guess I kind of figured that if you kept the baby you'd end up being like a single mom 'cause I'd be so busy for the first year or two of her life."

"I missed so much of Hailie's childhood and its something I'll never forgive myself for, its time with her that I'll never get back. I didn't want that for Ave. If I had another kid, I wanted to do it the right way, be there to do and see all those things you listed and I knew that if you had that baby, I'd miss out on all of it again. I think thats what made me kick you out, what made me tell you to get the abortion. It was the anger I had with myself knowing that I couldn't just be a normal father."

"I ain't ever admitted this out loud but I wanted her, more than you could possibly imagine. You told me you were pregnant and in that moment I don't think I've ever loved or admired anyone as much as I did you. It was like I got this sense of completion, after so long, I'd never had a proper family. I'm 51 and I've never had a happy family, all just broken and full of fights."

"You gave me a sense of hope and fulfillment in that moment that you said you were pregnant and then it clicked in me that it'd just land me in the exact same place again, I'd miss everything, we'd drift apart and I'd lose it all again. I guess I pushed that self-destruct button in my head and ruined it all myself before my career and fame had a chance to."

"I was gonna ask you to marry me that day, I'd wanted to ask you for so long but I couldn't do it 'cause I was terrified you'd say no and I sometimes wonder if it would have been different if I had asked sooner. Like what would our wedding have been like? Would we have more kids than just Ava? I wanted to have a family wit' you but I just wanted to wait for it to be the right time."

"And yet somehow, I still wound up as a man in his 50's with nobody to come home to and share my day with. Nobody to pick me back up when I'm down. My childhood was an absolute shit show and I remember I used to always think that when I grew up it'd automatically get better or somthing. As if I'd reach 18 and meet the love of my life and the loneliness and the hurt would all go away."

"I didn't meet the love of my life until I was 44 and I still managed to lose you after a fucking year. I've spent basically 50 years of my life lonely and hurting, there's only one year that I can recall feeling truly happy and complete 95% of the time and that was the year I was with you."

"Oh, Marsh." I wipe away my tears thaat I didn't even know were falling and reach for his hand, holding it tightly.

"I don't think I was made to be loved. I don't think I was made for the happiness and love that everyone else seems to get. Fuck, my own dad didn't even love me. I think I was made to make music that made others feel better, feel loved, like they belonged."

"I don't think I was meant to be loved, not romantically anyway, sure my daughters love me but that ain't the same. I don't think I was made to belong and be with someone. Sure, I can love someone so fucking much because that's how I feel about you but I'm too hard to be loved. I'm too difficult. Nobody sticks with me, sometimes its my fault, sometimes its not but either way, its like I have some sort of curse. I can fall so hard for someone but it never works out, I'm starting to think it never will work out and I'm just destined to be alone-" I decide to cut him off again, the depth of his words clearly becoming too much for both of us as his eyes fill with fresh tears.

"Shut up, I'm meant to be mad at you and you're ruining it." I playfully slap his chest in an attempt to lighten the mood. He corner of his lips tug up in to a smile, barely noticeable but I'll class it as a win.

"You're worthy of so much love, more than you'll ever be able to comprehend. I mean, I love you more than life itself to start with. You're the father of my baby girl and despite all the shit you put me through, the man that I love and enjoy being with. You just need to believe you're worthy of love and then maybe you'll stop pushing that self-destruct button. Fuck everything that happened in your past because what's happening now is what matters. You have four beautiful children, a brother, sister-in-law, a niece and nephews, you have a friendly relationship with your ex-wife and you've got me. We all love you more than anything and sure, its a little messed up and blended but all of us are your family in one way or another and I can guarantee that each and every one us wouldn't hesitate to tell you that."

"Sure, you've made mistakes but seeing you with our little girl those few days before I ended up in here really made me realise how lucky I am to have you. I'm willing to forgive you for everything, you know I am, I won't ever forget but I'll forgive because I want nothing more than to marry you but you're right, I need to see you change before that happens."

He nods gently, reflecting on everything I've just said and with his hand still in mine, he stands up and places a tender kiss upon my lips. A kiss that feels as though he's pouring everything into it, making me feel everything that he can't say out loud.

He pulls away, my body longing for more contact.

"I'm gonna make this work. I swear I am, if its the last thing I do, I'll make this work with you."

"I know you will."

The door pushes open again and a security gaurd sticks his head around but I wave him off, letting him know that Marshall's good to be here.

"Look, I best be off anyway. Nate will probably be dropping Ava off soon." He says as he stands and makes his way towards the door.

"Soph?" He asks as he stops, turning to face me.

"Mhm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Just being you." He says and swiftly exits the room leaving me feeling loved and content for the first time in years...

A/N - I'm excited for the next chapter. It is going to be a good one, it'll be up tomorrow.

As always, any feedback or suggestions are welcome.

~ Im 💕