RIVER (An Eminem FanFiction)

Chapter 25

October 24th 2023
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Marshall's POV

*Warning: this chapter depicts suicide and self-harm. Please feel free to skip.*

I'm lost.

I kicked my pregnant girlfriend out.
Abandoned my daughter.
Beat up the woman I love.
Tore my family apart.
Got kicked out of my daughters house and now I'm out of options of who to blame but myself.

Hailie kicked me out and I've never felt a pain like it.
"You're an evil, evil man." Her words keep echoing around my head, she's right, I can't deny that.

I fuck up everything good I ever get.
I'll always love Soph. I don't treat her good but what examples of love do I really have to learn from?

My daughters? My brother? That's just embarrasing. I should have been their example of love not them being mine.

Mine and Kim's relationship isn't much to go by. Fighting, cheating, court battles.

I know Soph doesn't deserve that but it's all I've ever known.

I feel like shit. I know I'll love her in my own fucked up way until my final breath but I've crushed any chance I had with her.

I can't help but worry about Ava too. I've only just been man enough to meet her and now I'm stripping everything she's ever known from under her. I'm ruining her life and I didn't even realise it.

What if Soph ends up being ok and takes full custody? How will Ava be when she finds out that it was really her dad who caused all of this?

My mind goes back to my first thought.
What if Soph ends up being ok?
What if she doesn't?
How do I live with the knowledge that I've taken everything from her?

I love her. I swear to God I do.

I find myself become aware of the razor blade I've been fidgeting with as I feel a sharp pain, accidentally causing a small cut to my fingertip as I sit on my bathroom floor.

The relief and feeling of escape that I felt after being cut with the mirror glass yesterday comes flooding back.

I think over how I made Kim slit her wrists over twenty years ago and how hard that had been on Hailie and Alaina.
I think over how I made Sophia go into a coma just days ago and how hard it must be on Ava right now.

I've caused the two women I claim I love and my own children indescribable amounts of pain. Pain that I now deserve to feel.

If Soph isn't waking up like Hailie seemed to suggest, maybe I shouldn't be here.

I pick up the notepad next to me and pen a note to anybody who may still care about me even in the slightest.

This is it. The end of the road. There's nothing left for me. Nobody left for me.

This will just make everybody happier. After all, who wants a total screw up as a father, ex, brother, uncle? I know I wouldn't.

I stare down at the razor and the small stream of blood flowing down my finger, seemingly running dry as it reaches my wrist.

I feel the sting of tears prick my eyes and lower the razor, sinking it into the delicate skin of my wrist, fulfilling exactly what my 'slit me' tattoo had been asking of me for years.

The razor glided through my skin as the wound opened, blood oozing out and my salty tears falling straight into it. The pain bringing a welcome feeling of solace.

I plunged the razor into my other wrist and repeated the slice, feeling myself drift into a land of darkness, exactly where I deserved to be.

Using the little energy I had left I planted a kiss onto my hand and placed it over my tattoo of Hailie.

My eyes got increasingly heavier and as they closed I could vaguely see the pool of blood that now surrounded me...

A/N - quite a graphic chapter, I know but I wanted to try and capture everything that was happening and Marshall's emotions the best I could.

Remember, help is always available.
I've said before that I've had/ have my fair share of mental health struggles and I'll always be available to talk to anyone who needs it, just send me a message.

As always, any feedback or suggestions are welcome.

~ Im 💕