BSD oneshots!!

Why me? Sokokou

Dazai x Chuuya - angst (possible happy ending 🤷)

TWs
Suicide mention

Dazai

Why me. Why did he pick me of all people to love. Just to leave me like a child leaves their caregiver. He picked me. He made me trust him. He made me care for him. He made me love him. No. Love? He made me hate him. But I could never hate him.

I would walk into his arms with a smile, wrapping my hands around his heart. Holding him. Entrapping him in my love. Keeping him as mine and only, mine. I believed he would never leave me. He made me think that way. Nakahara Chuuya. The only man who ever loved me, not for my body, not for my ability, but for me.

Just as quickly as I fell into his trap, he walked away. Leaving me alone with the hell I now call home. He left me to think with the thoughts of mine he would call "deadly" and "dangerous" when he cared. Everytime I told him a new way I had found to kill myself he would look at me with those beautiful eyes, he would stare then come close and kiss my head, he would hug me and tell me he wanted me to stay.

Maybe that was why he left? Maybe he thought I would die and he didn't want me too.

He never seemed happy when we sat in the port mafia, he loved me inviting him to the ADA, Kunikida was never a fan, maybe now he would regret that. Atsushi was always happy to see him, inviting him for a coffee with open arms, even though Chuuya didn't drink coffee, he always accepted, but drinking a glass of that beautiful red he loved so much instead. I loved that about Chuuya. No matter what he was kind to them. Ranpo and Kenji he was closest with, other than me. The two both admired his ability, it made him feel cared for, his ability made him hate himself, so another loving it made him happy. Maybe that's why he chose me? I never hated it, not for a second..

When we were alone I would lay my head on his, he would sometimes push me off. But not the week before he left, he would hold me closer, sometimes he would even initiate it, he would take my hand at random times. Or give me a quick and small kiss on the cheek before leaving my apartment.

Then one day he sent me a message.
"Daz, I want to give you a challenge."
I was confused and obliged, replying quickly to his text.
"Yes? What is it love?" - Daz
"Love? That's new.." - Chuuya 🧡
I had smiled and chuckled at the message as he typed once more, my smile dropping at the second message
"I want us to not talk at all for 24 hours, no messages, no calls, nothing. I heard it's really good?" - Chuuya 🧡
"But chuuuu! You know I can't do that :(" - Daz
"Dear can we try it? I promise it will be okay!" - Chuuya 🧡
"Fine.... I love you.." - Daz
But Chuuya didn't reply for five minutes.. he kept typing and stopping.
"I know.." - Chuuya 🧡

When the 24 hours passed I immediately messaged him, the second it hit the hour

"Chibiiii, I did it!!" - Daz
No reply
"Chibi?" -Daz
No reply
"Chuuya? What's wrong?" - Daz
"Dazai? Uhm.. I'm sorry.." - Chuuya 🧡

The rest of that conversation is a blur. All I know is my Chibi is gone.. I found out what happened from Tachihara who had his phone. The week following was a blur of funeral preparation and crying, I didn't leave my room until the day, where during the service I broke down in a pile of tears.

Now the only way I can see him is by his grave planted next to Oda's.

Unless I take the step off of the bridge I am writing on. Then hopefully we will be reunited in wherever we go after death. I will take a final breath for him.

For now, goodbye.

And I'm sorry