"So full of artless jealousy is guilt, It spills itself in fearing to be spilt."
~William Shakespeare
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The winter morning in Tulsa dawns bleak and unforgiving, a deep grey sky that seems to swallow the city whole. Frost coats the streets and sidewalks, glinting like tiny diamonds in the faint light of dawn. The air is crisp and biting, with a hint of wood smoke and damp earth that seeps into the bones. Bare and skeletal trees stand like sentinels, their branches engraved against the sky in delicate silhouette. The only sound is the distant hum of cars on the highway, a mournful melody that echoes through the stillness. Tulsa is quiet, holding its breath in anticipation of the day to come.
"Thanks for comin with us." Ponyboy says dragging the sled behind him. When him and Johnny showed up at Ryders this morning and asked if I wanted to go sledding with them, the child in me wouldn't let me pass it up. I smile and wrap my scarf tighter around my neck, "of course, I haven't gone sledding in ages."
Ryder and Sodapop are working at the Dx today, so I wouldn't of had much to do any how. It's nice getting out of the house and doing something other than drinking, and watching tv. Johnny trailed a few feet behind us.
"What's the matter Johnny?" I ask, waiting for him to catch up. He shrugs and stuffs his hands in his coat pocket, looking at his boots.
"I don't know..." he mumbles, "I guess I just feel awfully guilty about how everythin' turned up you know...Can't help but to feel like you and Dal are in a hardship because of what happened..." he refers to the night he had to protect me from my dad. That's something that we never talked about again, I know that night spooked him like no other. I shake my head, "oh Johnny..." he looks at me with sadness in his eyes, "none of this is your fault. I moved away because..." I think about my word choices, not wanting to bring up the baby, "I just had to get away from the chaos. What happened that night was what needed to happen...I left because of Dally."
Johnny nodded still unsure, "you think you two will ever get back together?"
I stare ahead and think. "I don't know..." I answer truthfully.
"I hope you guys do...I'm scared if you don't he might not make it." His words stump me. I'm about to ask what he means but Ponyboy interrupts us, "man, the socs got here first." He points to the hill. A few people I recognize from school stand around their cars. I shrug, "who cares? They're not gonna stop us." I grab Ponys hand but he doesn't budge, I follow his eyes over to Cherry Valance. I remember him mentioning having a crush on her a while back, I'm surprised to see he's still interested. She pulls some guy I've never seen before in for a kiss, Ponys face drops.
"Let's get outta here." He mumbles and drops his sled.
"Come on Ponyboy" Johnny calls out but Pony keeps walking.
"He's been gettin' like this lately, all moody and not wantin' to do anythin'. I think he might be having his period." I snicker at his comment and pick up ponys sled. We follow him back home and into the house. He locks himself in his room.
"So much for that." Johnny groans plopping down on the couch. I look around the empty living room that's usually filled with the gang. Johnny closes his eyes. I take a seat on the recliner and stare at the ceiling. "What'd you mean earlier when you said Dal might not make it?"
Johnny yawns and props his head up with his hands, "He ain't well." I stare at the side of his face waiting for him to continue. "Went to bucks last night, said he said got nothing to live for. Drank himself into oblivion, thought I was gonna have to take em to the hospital or somethin'" I shake my head and sigh. "I can't help that...you've known him longer than I have...and from what I've seen of Dal, all he does is drink and..." I trail off, but Johnny finishes my sentence with a blunt honesty: "Kill." I was going to say "follow trouble," but I guess that goes hand in hand with his reckless behavior. "He's going to get himself hurt," he say, shaking his head in concern. I nod in agreement, surprised he hasn't already gotten himself into more serious trouble.
