2 hearts, 2 problems(F!reader x Raiden Ei)

Tired of being responsible

I am y/n, kitsune, survivor of the archon war.
older sister of Yae miko.

I am a strong person.

I will not cry.

I will not cry.

I will not cry.

Those were the exact words racing through my head as i stormed deeper and deeper into the forest. Why was it me who always had the short end of the stick? I regretted even trying to fix things. It was always me. Y/n will clean up the mess, y/n can pick up the pieces, y/n y/n y/n..

It never was my responsibility. When you hurt someone, it's not their responsibility to try and make amends. It's yours. So why was it always me at fault? I didn't understand. Maybe i was simply trying too hard. But I just wanted to fix things between me and ei, no matter whose fault it was.
I regretted ever thinking one person could do all the work. I had done my part. If nobody else did theirs, then i should no longer try to help. I should've given up long ago.

But now...

I felt free, waking through the forest. No problems to fix.
Nothing.

But at the same time, a heavy felling weighed me down. I just wanted to collapse on the earth and be rid of all problems..if only for a while. As if reflecting my train of thought, the leaves above rustled as they flew past my stoic face. I would not let myself get emotional over someone who had never once been worth my effort.

Y/n, i know you are broken but closing off from your problems will only make them worse.

Miko's voice rang in my head thousands of times as i continued to walk.

I had done everything i could.

Was it so bad to just escape for a while?

I was tired of being responsible.

Centuries I had so desperately hungered for freedom, pathetically reaching out and waiting for the day i could get rid of my troubles.
And now, amidst all the pain, that very same desperation began to creep back in.
I needed to get out of here. This wasn't my home.

That suffocating feeling returned as my sight began to betray my mind.
Finally, i could see clearly what I'd gotten myself into.

Inazuma had never been my true home. Traveling here, my sick mind had convinced itself that i missed this place. That it wasn't the reason i had sought refuge in the city of freedom. How many heartbreaks had it taken me to realize? Just how much pain had i gone through until now? I found myself unable to answer.

All alone in the forest, despair sinking in, i finally stopped walking and sat down cradling my head. The fear invading my mind, clouding my thoughts, was unbearable. Even more memories flooded my mind.

"Sis!!!" I turned around with a frustrated sigh and put on a kind smile as little miko ran up to me crying. "Yes, Miko? What's wrong?" Apparently she'd dropped one of her combs in the forest while playing. I gritted my teeth in frustration. Then ei walked up to me.

"Hey y/n! I'm going out for a bit. Could you tell Chiyo that she needs to buy some rice? Makoto is planning to make some nice food."

I gritted my teeth even harder as Miko growled at Ei."i asked big sis first! She's gonna go and get my comb from the forest." Ei glared back at the kitsune."well, Miko, I'm sure that's not as important it's just a comb. Come on, imagine the delicious onigiri!" "NOOO i want my comb!! Tell Chiyo yourself!"After enduring this back and forth for a few minutes, i finally spoke up."stop it!" I hissed.

i spread my arms in a peacemaking gesture."Ei, I'll tell Chiyo as soon as i see her. And don't worry, Miko, big sis will find your comb. So don't worry okay?" I really didn't want to help them, but i didn't want problems. Everyone called me the responsible one, so i had to live up to that name.

After a grueling hour of trying to find Miko's stupid comb, i found it. It was in a patch of grass, slightly broken. Of course being the responsible one, she immediately gave me the task of fixing it. After another grueling walk to tell Chiyo about Ei's request, i settled down and began using electro to re-attach the snapped parts.(don't question it this is Genshin we're reading bout)

"Here you go Miko..."my sister squealed in delight as i gave her the fixed comb."aren't you going to thank big sis for finding and fixing the comb?" Miko simply shrugged with elegance."you're my sister, of course you should be responsible for that!"Then she put the comb on and ran off as i mentally started cursing.

I will not cry. I will not cry.

The forest around me was mixed with dull, monotone shades. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but one of the leaves nearby started frosting and withering away as i set eyes on it. Then i realized the entire branch was beginning to frost, leaves breaking away. I cursed mentally, looking down to see my cryo vision glowing. Of course my day had to get even worse because of my vision.
As the branch fell to the ground with a hard crash, my expression slowly shifted into blankness. I had to stop myself. It wasn't worth spilling tears over someone who broke me over and over again.

It felt like hours had passed when i heard a rustling in the trees. But at that point, i didn't care. My ear twitched slightly but that was it. Maybe death was an easy way to escape. I just sat there with my face buried in my arms, my h/c hair untidily spread around them. Accepting my fate, any fight left inside me was quickly shut off.

Nothing happened.

Was i just hallucinating? Was that just my mind playing tricks?

Sighing, i staggered to my feet. That was when the bushes parted to reveal a familiar boy with indigo hair and a big hat. "Why are you upset?" K- uh, Scaramouche muttered as he tentatively approached me. I whipped my head toward him with a withering glare.

"Why am i upset? Why am i upset? What do you think?!"i growled, my vulpine ears raised in anger."you would never understand. Because all your life, i was there to clean up the messes. Why can't I have a single day off where i only need to worry about myself? That's all i want. To selfishly do what i want, to stop being responsible for everything."

Scaramouche took a slight step back at my words. Subconsciously, i looked away from him. My h/c ears started to fold back down, but immediately perked up at what he said next.

"So why don't you join us?"

—————-
Yes im alive my dear readers <3

IM SORRY I HAD WAY TOO MUCH FUN WRITING Y/N'S MENTAL BREAKDOWN SUE ME-

But let's goooo time for fatui y/n! I wanted to make this twist pretty long ago but didn't rlly know how lmao

Also sorry if the chapters are too short, i really don't know how to drag paragraphs out for longer. Spent like 5 minutes adding in a couple more words to make the sentences longer-😭

Don't rlly have much to say rn i need sleep. So byeeeee

-melon