if she talks

I'd be honest

two weeks ago I was sure
that it was the right choice
and yesterday I was fine
but that's not the truth

you told me multiple times
that you can't be more than what you were
and I told you multiple times
that I didn't want more of what you were

we agreed multiple times
that we should hold every feeling
even when your heart felt so excited
about telling me something that makes you happy
like how you got the awards last month
that somehow made you proud

and I'm still the one you wanted
to share how your days went everyday
and you were the one I wanted
to rant about how hard things were at work

we talked it down multiple times
about how we're supposed to act
even when we didn't want to
so it only led to a fight we both hate

baby, remind me why we agreed
to do things we didn't want to do
and why did we promise
to bury the sparks when it sprouted out

so we stood there
you never let go of my hand
and come close when you needed a hug
or when you needed to hear "i'm proud"
but you don't know if I was honest

I stood there smiling almost a flat line
convincing myself that I don't care anymore
but I hold you with open arms
patting your back on your bad days
still you don't know if I was sincere

I don't know what's real and what's not
well I bet you are too
but two weeks ago my heart stopped
by the fact that you can't be here
I took my hand off of yours

it's like I don't have to do anything anymore
I don't see no point
holding hands with you
and waiting for you to come home
only to be ready to never see you again

this is me being honest
I never wanted to leave
I'd be the home you come back to
I'd be yours for I don't care how long

but you won't
and my tears are running dry
and my heart is getting numb
and you're not trying to hug
I feel alone and cold

so I'm saving myself
from you.

Monday, 20 May 2024
18:30