A Matter of Time - Bbangsaz

Chapter 28

Hanni's POV

I need to hate her again.

That's the conclusion I came to after spending the day thinking; I'm not going to lie, I even considered accepting her proposal to be —bed partners— but no, better not. If I have something with her even if it's just sex, I know there will be pain and I will most likely be the one who feels it, so it's better for both of us if we hate each other again.

I was on the way to school in my father's car and I was mentally repeating the reasons why I should hate Minji, going over the list over and over again.

I went to my locker to pick up what I needed for my first class, Goeun, Lia, Wonyoung and Beomgyu met me there.

The atmosphere was strange, people looked at me, they always did, yes, but today for a strange reason I didn't want them to.

—And how are you, Hanni?

— Good.

I didn't pay much attention to what my friends said.

— It must have been hell for you, right? —I heard somebody ask me.

—Yes— I answered without enthusiasm.

The truth is, I wasn't interested in talking to anyone, I wanted to be alone, they looked at me with pity, as if I were an animal locked up in a circus, even the occasional teacher did it, they came up to me and asked me things; I got lost in New York, it's not like I killed someone; I was getting fed up with this situation and I had only been there for 30 minutes.

—Kim.

I heard Beomgyu name her.

Minji.

I want to see her.

No. Stop it, Hanni. You have to hate her.

You need to hate her.

I went over the list again.

1: She is egocentric.
2: she treats me badly.
3: she insults me.
4: she lives surrounded by problems that she herself creates.
5: Everyone here hates her.
6: she has nothing to do with me.
7: There she is.

No. Hanni. Reason 7, think. Fuck reason number 7, 8, 9 and all of them.

Minji look at me, Minji look at me, Minji look at me.

Notice I'm here and look at me.

She was leaning on the lockers in the distance talking to Haerin and Yunjin.

I looked at her surreptitiously so that my friends wouldn't notice.

The only person I want to look at me and she doesn't.

—Hanni, let's go?

— What? —I said without knowing what she had asked me.

— What are you thinking about? You're in another world... I mean, let's go to class.

I'm thinking about the idiot with brown eyes who doesn't look at me.

I think it was the first time since Minji and I met that I wanted her to notice I was there, to not ignore me.

But that's life, she won't notice I'm there and I'll try to forget her in silence.

I went to class telling myself over and over again "I need to hate Kim".

***