A Matter of Time - Bbangsaz

Chapter 41

Hanni's POV

Like every Wednesday I went to the psychologist's office. Since all that happened, my parents told me that it would be good for me, and although at first, I was very scared, now I am handling everything a little better.

I was in the waiting room when a man with white hair, glasses and honey eyes came out of the office and said my name, he was my psychologist, Ahn Hyo-seop.

— Hanni, your turn.

I sat on the green sofa in the office.

—And how has this week been? — He always started his sessions with that phrase.

—Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

— Tell me.

— I tried to go to class again.

After all that, I became afraid of everything, I could not leave my house, sometimes I was even afraid to go down to the living room and I had to ask Eunchae to go with me. My sister knew part of the story, she knew I was sick, but we never told her what really happened in my house that afternoon. When she came home from camp, she saw me with a bandaged leg and we told her that I had fallen; the little girl was not stupid and knew that something was wrong, during the trial period she realized that something happened to me when she was not there, but she preferred not to ask.

The fear of meeting with those who hurt me was always around that's why I haven't gone to school for almost two months. I know that's bad, but I can't help it, in the mornings I get up with the intention of going but when I go out the door of my house I panic and I can't get out.

Hyo-seop told me that it was normal, that I had experienced very bad things in that place, but I had to try. It is impossible to forget that, but I can replace those memories with better ones.

—Did you manage to go?

—I got up, I got dressed but no, I didn't go—I hung my head in shame.

— Hanni, we said last week that little by little, right? A few weeks ago, you didn't get out of bed, look at you, you managed to get up and get dressed, at least you tried, you didn't stay asleep — He encouraged me.

— Yes, but I don't want to waste the year.

— Your well—being comes first, then the rest, if you don't make it through the year you'll make it next year, you still have a lot of time — He paused—Okay, you'll try it again this week. Alright? If you don't get it, we'll see next week, I trust you — I smiled shyly.

— How can I do it? — I asked in a whisper.

— Hanni, you don't have to be ashamed; you can ask me whatever you want, that's what I'm here for. Remember, I'm not going to judge anything you ask, no matter how stupid the question may seem, ask it, I'm here to listen to you and get you move forward — He said when she heard my whisper— How to do it? — He repeated my question and I nodded — Although it sounds very cliché and that it is a typical psychology phrase... You have to lean on the people who love you, go out there, clear your head, not lock yourself in, do you understand? If you go out, your mind will be distracted.

— I don't have anyone to go out with.

— No? Hmmm... That's not true Hanni, your parents, your sister, the friend you told me about.

Yunjin.

— I don't want to bother her with my problems.

— I'm going to be very honest with you; Your way of thinking can harm you, not wanting to appear weak and that everything is fine will not help you. They will surely be happy to spend a longer or shorter time with you and if they help you on top of that, they will do so with even more reasons.