Ice cream

C53. One step closer

PRIYA

As the warm ray of the sun hit my face,I opened my eyes as I stared at my ceiling in a daze. Living alone in this apartment for almost 8 months now drives me crazy. Everytime I am home alone,I'd try so hard to think about my past. I wanted so bad to remember who I was before I woke up in that hospital bed. Before I became the Priya who's now leaving alone in this lonesome apartment. I wanted to know if I had friends in the past,what kind of a person I was,am I nice? Or maybe I'm just too bad that's why I've been living here alone without a single shadow that comes looking for me.

I know I'm gay,and I probably have been with a girl in the past,a girl who clearly is not Zoe. I have dozens of nightmares and hundreds of questions. I just wished Zoe didn't die on me that early as I have so many questions for her,but I knew from the start that I kind of doubted her words.

There's this one specific girl in my dreams who keeps bugging me and driving me crazy. It haunts me every night. At first,I dreamed of her on a park,walking or eating and sometimes laughing,I couldn't see her face clearly but I knew she looked so happy in those dreams. For almost 6 months,the same girl visits me on my dreamland every night,the same scene but different settings. However, the scenarios have changed this past few weeks. I remember that specific dream the night I went home late and walked pass by a foreign girl who was standing under a tree across the streets. That night,I dreamed of the same girl in my dreams the girl who was once called 'nini' in my dreams.

Nini was again at the park,the most frequent place I would dream about,she was sitting on a bench,wearing a black dress. I remember hearing her sobs as if it was real,that dream was so vivid that my heart clenches as I walk near her place and her sobs grew louder until I woke up 3 in the morning with tears cascading my face. I haven't seen her face even a glimpse but just like how I clearly saw her happy face in my heart,I can feel how heart-broken she looks in that dreams as she keeps calling for 'lili' who had left her without notice. I was confused as every night nini would come alive in my dream but I never once saw that 'lili' she was calling for,I actually felt like she was smiling and talking to me.

My name is Priya.

Not lili

But who is Lili? Who's Nini?

Are they from my past?

*buzz**buzz**buzz*

The vibrating sound of my phone woke me up from my trance. I sat up and made a couple stretch before standing up. Before I could turn towards the bathroom,Zoe's picture that hangs across the room caught my attention.

Seeing her smiley face reminds me of her last words.

'I'm so sorry,Lisa.'

I frowned as another question came to my mind about that Lisa girl,I amm hella confused now. I could only sigh as I knew no one here can answer my questions. I stared at her picture for a couple of seconds before turning towards Zoe's closet beside my own. It still has her things,it was all kept untouched.

I rummaged through her closet as if I was looking for something that I didn't even know what U am searching here for. I saw that same dress she wore in the picture,it was a yellow floral dress,I remember telling her how cute it looks on her the moment we walked out of that hospital after I was discharged.

I reached for it and felt the smooth texture of the cloth it was made with. I picked it up as I thought about how it could possibly make me feel less lonely to see Zoe's favorite clothes around the room.

Before I could throw it to the bed,something fell on the floor,it must have been kept inside the dress.

I carefully picked it up and started examining it. It was somewhat a small box,I've never seen this before.

I frowned and slowly opened it hesitantly. I could feel my heart beating crazily as if it wants to jump oit of my chest.

A couple of papers filled the small box,it looks like a letter but it was written in korean. This caused me to frown even more,I don't think I know how to read korean letters yet,but there are soem words written in an english alphabet.

'Lisa'

'Sorry'

'Chou Tzuyu'

'I love you'

I pulled out all of the letters and put it in my bed as my heart beats even crazier if that's even possible. I examined every contents of the box and as I reached the bottom of it,I saw another paper with somethings that looks like a card on top. I felt how my hand shakes as I reached for the card.

I took it and started reading the words out loud.

An identification card.

I continued to read as my sight starts to blur and dizziness started to consume me.

I felt how fast some tears spilled after a single one. I cried my heart out as I read each words loudly as if an attempt to reach my throbbing head and aching heart.

'Lalisa Manoban'

Then a ringing sound fron my phone came and everything went black.

Lisa Manoban,I am one step closer.