Alone again (Solarballs earth angst)

If I can't see it, it doesn't exist (Updated)

Earth was having a semi-normal day, floating around, playing cards with Venus and Mars, and talking with Luna, but something just felt wrong. 

Everything had changed for him and the other rocky planets after the moon revolution, they all got a better understanding of each other and they talked about their feelings. Maybe that's why Earth is isolating himself now, he didn't really want anyone to know the true him, because he knew deep down he would never change, he would always be that spoiled little brat that everyone hated.

No! This is exactly what Mercury said not to do. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up this self-hatred and self-blaming depression he was in for much longer. Everything was just so hard now. All he could ever think about was what other people thought about him. He had dealt with his fair share of insecurities before but it seemed like now they were multiplied by 100, it was even difficult for him to play cards with the others. He had become so self-conscious about how he acted that he started to dread and even skip out of their daily meetups. 

Recently it had become almost unbearable, he had this unnerving feeling in his gut that he had been carrying around the entire day. It was his usual dreadful and foreboding feeling that he would make another mistake, but this time he couldn't snap out of it. All he could think about was his last big mistake that left the solar system in shambles, with most of the rocky planets scarred, and him alone moonless and friendless. His persistent fear of returning to his terrible old self made him basically unconsolable, it got to the point where the others started to take note of his odd behaviors.

Earth was brought out of his spiraling thoughts by the loud voice of Luna.

"Earth! Oh my gosh!" he paused, taking a moment to breathe and calm down. "Are you okay? I've been calling your name for almost ten minutes now..." 

"Sorry," I say, embarrassed that he found me like this. "didn't mean to scare you just a little spaced out" Luna frowns "That's not what I a-" I cut him off by pushing him away with my gravity. With the new window open to change the subject I started asking him how his meetup with Titan went, which worked 100% of the time.

Ever since the Moon Revolution ended Luna and Titan started to hang out more and more often, they weren't on good terms for a while but they eventually made up and from that moment on they had become best friends. Titan still made me a little uncomfortable and it wasn't all because of the moon Revolution. He made me kind of bitter that they had such a good relationship, because of how mine and Mars are now. Just goes to show how much I really changed, I ponder with self-loathing. We're still friends, but Mars said we have to rebuild our friendship. 

I'm definitely not "jealous" if that's what you're thinking, I just really want what Luna has. Which is different enough, I just haven't about a difference yet.

I hate myself for thinking that way.

"Did you and Titan do anything cool?" I ask with a forced smile desperate to keep Luna off the original question. Luna gives me a real smile in return. "Yeah! Titan and I went around and pranked the Galilean moons, we also talked to Io and Callisto, and we..." I start to space out again despite all my efforts until I eventually fall asleep.

When I wake up I'm facing Sun.