Alone again (Solarballs earth angst)

It's just a prank bro

(Over 4.5 billion years ago)

(Proto Earth's P.O.V.)

Fear: 

an emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear is sadly something I've become accustomed to, make no mistake about it just because I've become accustomed to it doesn't mean it doesn't that I don't still feel its effects on me, like the way my heart skips a beat whenever I see the occasional stray asteroid that I think might be coming for the goldilocks zone or how I go all stiff and can't breathe when I see Theia's hateful glare. 

I don't know when I started associating everything with fear, like waking up, talking to people, and even opening my eyes. Maybe it's something more than just fear then, it's not like knowing what it is will help me, 'cause if I can't save myself on my own who else will? Theia? Mercury and  Venus? Mars?

...

Mr. Jupiter?

Most of them could see me get hit by an asteroid, die, and then just continue floating along their orbit like it's another regular Tuesday for them. I really thought things would change once I got Mr. Jupiter to stop throwing asteroids at us, I guess it was just wishful thinking. 

One of my only real friends was someone who had been trying to kill me for years and whom I was scared to meet up with. I laugh, it's almost time for the most nerve-racking part of my day, floating away to the outer planet's turf. 

After about 2 weeks of meeting up with Mr. Jupiter every day the prospect of seeing him has become less daunting, most days Jupiter would just talk on and on about how stupid this planet was (Saturn), or how this planet ruins everything (Saturn again), or how the solar system would be a better place without this planet (Once again Saturn). At first, I thought he really, really hated Saturn because when I met him they were on bad terms, but now that they've made up I kind of think he's just obsessed with him, half our conversations are about him, and some terrible or awesome thing he'd done. It terrified me when Jupiter said that I should go with him to meet Saturn sometime. 

He'd also ask me about any new drama regarding the rocky planets, I've never been a gossiper, or really a talker at all so my side of the conversations has been pretty bland. I think that Mr. Jupiter knows that though, every time I try to tell him about the new wild thing that Venus, Mercury, and Theia tried to pull he'd always laugh. I don't know if it's because of my storytelling skills (or lack of, therefore) or the actual stories, but he's never really picked on me the way that the others do, so for that I'm grateful. 

Strangely enough, my fear of seeing him has changed to a feeling of anticipation, I still get nervous about it but now it's not the type that makes me feel like I'm going to die or like my heart might just stop if I breathe too fast, I'm still nervous I don't think that will ever change, but now I'm excited too.

For the first time today, I smile, it's not the type of nervous smile I give to people to show that I'm acknowledging them or that I'm 'alright', no this smile was for myself. Because I felt like smiling.

Maybe things are changing for the better.

I hope they do.

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"What's got you looking so happy? Did somebody's prank go wrong?" Jupiter says, looking down at an asteroid.

"N-no, nothing like that! I'm just excited to see you, Mr. Jupiter." Jupiter smiles but continues looking at the rock intensely

"If that's what you want to go with, fine by me."  He adds something to the rock, ignoring Proto completely.

 "Now, if you don't mind me asking," he stiffens and does a 180 with his tone, going from humorous to talking to him as if I were his little toy "why are you here so early? You're interrupting my painting." He finally looks up and meets my eyes with a cold stare, I freeze, maybe I was getting too close to him, he probably got bored of me, he's going to kill me, how could I be so stupid, why did I-

Is... is he laughing at me?

"Oh, my stars! You should see your face little Proto." He gives me an amused smile, "Aw, don't pout at me, it's simply a little joke, like the ones your friends do to you." 

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. This is what he considers a joke, maybe he and the others aren't so different after all. My fate is probably to just be surrounded by jerks for the rest of my life until I die, how fantastical. My tears start to flow down the sides of my face as I start hiccuping.

I guess this is my life,

PATHETIC, 

WHY DID I BELIVE HE WAS ANY DIFFERENT?

i̶ r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ a̶m̶ a̶n̶ i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶

(Jupiter P.O.V)

Maybe I should have waited a bit longer before trying to pull a prank on little Proto, I did not want to see him cry like that today, or any day really. I have to remind myself that he's not that prick Saturn, I guess we just don't have that type of connection yet, or perhaps he just isn't the type of planet that likes that sort of humor. 

Little Proto's crying pretty hard now...

"Little Proto, I'm sorry that joke was not appropriate. I did not mean to make you cry or hurt you." Little Proto looks back at him with hurt evident in his eyes.

"You're just like them." What's that supposed to mean, "Also, stop calling me 'little Proto', my name is just Proto!" He turns away and heads back to the Goldilocks zone.

If this were anyone else I would've just pulled them back in with my gravity yelled at them and then maybe crushed them to dust for their disrespectful treatment of me, he's different though I don't want him to hate me.

Is that why I let him get away so easily, on the off chance that he would want to come back to me willingly? 

It is plausible that Saturn is right, I think I have become too soft.

Then out of nowhere, a thought enters my mind that might've been the first thing ever to truly scare me.

I've changed.