~<*>~ Pain in me ~<*>~

Chapter 39

When Scoups arrives home, he immediatly rushes to his room, leaving Dino alone in the kitchen. He has to start investigating Woojin, he was already too late to save Joshua. Something inside Scoups tells him that the one who shot Joshua was someone related to Woojin. It makes Scoups pissed, knowing that Woojin would betray everyone like this. But when Scoups opens his laptop, he stares at the black screen and sighs. Where should he even start? Scoups knows nothing about Woojin, so what could he possibly look for? He doesn't even know Woojin long enough to know what type of person he is, what he would do in situations like these. With Chan, Scoups always knew exactly what his childhood best friend was up to. Joshua would have known. Frustrated, Scoups pulls his hair. He can't bear the thought of being helpless, there has to be something he can do. Scoups wishes Woojin would be like Chan, then he could at least have a clue. The thought of Chan suddenly gives him an idea and Scoups taps his keyboard excited. He can try to start with something both related to Chan and to Woojin: Stray kids. The group has been making Scoups' life pretty difficult, but they weren't subtle enough to avoid the news. There has to be something written about them on the internet and if Scoups is lucky, he might even find something that leads to Woojin. But right when he's reading an article about Stray kids' first attack, Dino knocks on his door.
"Scoups, can you come out?" Dino asks and Scoups grunts annoyed. He's starting to get somewhere, now is not the time to get interupted.
"Can't it wait?" Scoups yells. "I'm busy!" Scoups hears a brief silence, but he knows Dino hasn't left yet.
"You really want to come out, believe me", Dino says and Scoups rolls his eyes.
"Can't I have some peace? I told you I'm busy!" Scoups spits out and now he hears Dino getting annoyed too.
"Just come out, goddamnit!" Dino yells and Scoups gets startled, causing him to obey. Dino must be serious, the research will have to wait. Scoups gets up and leaves his laptop open while he walks towards his door. When Scoups opens it, he is standing in front of Dino, who looks at him relieved. What is so important that Scoups has to come out of his room immediatly? But then, Dino looks towards the living room and Scoups follows his eyes, only to see the whole team stading in his apartment. Scoups widens his eyes surprised, he's truly speechless. They're all smiling, although there is certainly a sad tone involved. Scoups looks at Dino confused and then back at the team.
"What are you all doing here?" Scoups stutters while he shyly walks closer to them, followed by Dino.
"Dino gathered us all here", Vernon explains and Scoups looks at Dino surprised. Why would he do that? 
"I think we need to talk about how we will go on in the future, you know, with a new leader and such", Seungkwan adds and Scoups wants to open his mouth, but Dino cuts him off.
"I know you don't want to think about it just yet, but we all decided it is better if we get everything fixed now, it will help in your mourning", Dino says and Scoups notices how he said 'your' and not 'our', but he decides not to mention it.
"Fine, what do you want to discuss?" Scoups gives in, he knows there's no point in trying to avoid it.
"We all think you should be our new leader", Mingyu blurts out and Scoups stares at him startled.
"You already have experience, you did great back then and we all love and trust you. It's what Joshua would have wanted", Wonwoo adds and Scoups is left speechless. He quit being a leader for a reason. He knows everybody trusts him, but how can he be a good leader if he doesn't trust himself? The only thing Scoups can think of is all the deaths he caused. How would this time be any different? 
"I don't think I'll be a good leader", Scoups mumbles and Dino immediatly grabs his arm.
"Oh, come on! You are the best leader we have ever seen and we all want you to be our guide! What could possibly stop you from doing this?" he exclaims frustrated and Scoups pulls his arm away.
"Not everything can go your way, Dino! Sometimes, people have feelings! It's not that I don't want to, I just can't!" Scoups yells in return and he feels the tension rising in the room. The whole team is staring at the two in silence, waiting until one of them gives in.
"I know you think you can't keep us safe. But there's no better way to keep us safe than to be our leader! And that's what you want, right? Keeping us safe?" Dino keeps looking into Scoups' eyes trying to convince him, but the barrier is still too thick.
"I'm done being responsible for everything. For every..." Scoups' words die down as he lets his head hang low. Dino gently rubs his arm trying to comfort him.
"For every death?" Dino finishes his sentence. "They aren't you fault. No one blames you. And besides, it wasn't really different under Joshua's lead, was it?" Dino adds, referring to Jun. The team gasps shocked, they don't know how Scoups would take this. But this is weirdly exactly what Scoups needed to hear. It doesn't matter who the leader is, as long as Scoups is in this team and still alive, there will be people who die. Scoups can only make sure to keep those deaths as far away as possible.
"Fine," Scoups gives in, "I'll do it." Dino's eyes light up as the team cheers excited. They're all glad it's back how it used to be, before Scoups went to jail. Although Scoups isn't completely comfortable with this yet, he knows there is no other way. Scoups was and always will be the leader. In all the excitement, Scoups feels two arms around his waist. He looks up and watches as Dino hugs him.
"I'm so glad you're our leader again", Dino whispers and Scoups can't hold back a smile. Dino's happiness never fails to warm his heart. 
"Why don't we all eat together? I'll order some pizza's", Vernon suggests and the whole team cheers in agreement. It doesn't take long before the table is set and everyone is sitting down, waiting for the delivery man to come. While Scoups looks around, he thinks back to the time he organised a team diner after Woozi's death. It feels like yesterday, but also like an eternity ago. So much has happened in the meantime and Scoups can't deny that he's a different person now. Everybody changed, it's clear now that Scoups looks at them. It hurts Scoups to realize that no one changed in a better way. Vernon just silently sits and listens, which he always does, but his vibe is so different now. When Scoups looks at Seungkwan, he notices that he's missing the spark in his eyes. And although Wonwoo and Mingyu are smiling, Scoups can see the tiredness underneath. It's only Dino who seems to be okay. He's gotten stronger, as if he doesn't care anymore. Scoups wishes he didn't care. He wishes that he wouldn't be so worried when someone takes a little longer than they normally would, he wishes that he wouldn't be awake at night because his worries and thoughts keep him from sleeping. He wishes that he could just live life like Dino. The brunette went through a lot, and still he's sitting here, with a genuine smile. Scoups can only admire that. Suddenly, Scoups' thoughts get interrupted by the sound of glass falling down. Wonwoo accidentaly knocked over his glass of water and the liquid spilled all over the table and on Scoups' T-shirt, which gives him a cold shock. Wonwoo gasps and immediatly apologizes, but Scoups waves it off. 
"It's okay," he says, "I'll change quickly." With those words, Scoups gets up and leaves to his room. When he arrives there, he takes his T-shirt off and grabs a white one from his closet. But while he's putting it on, his eyes land on his laptop on his bed. Scoups suddenly feels the urge to keep researching, he was on a right path when Dino interupted him. And when he finally finds Woojin, maybe he can live freely again? Maybe the whole team can be happy again, including him? Scoups' eyes glance at the door, he knows they're waiting for him to come back. But the pizza's still aren't here, so maybe he can continue a little longer? Scoups exhales deeply and walks to his laptop, which he puts on again. Immediatly, the article flashes in front of him and Scoups tries not to look away from the pictures. Looking at the crime scene again makes him wonder, would they have found clues leading to Woojin if they had investigated better? Scoups shakes his head, he doesn't know and he won't know, the crime scene is already long gone. Trying to find something, Scoups starts reading the article. It makes him sick how much this article tries to get fame by telling horrible details. But just as Scoups is getting near the end, someone clears his troath behind him. Startled, Scoups looks behind him and looks in the eyes of Wonwoo, who stares at him confused and surprised.
"I wanted to tell you that the pizza's are here", he mumbles. Apparently Scoups was too focused to hear the bell ringing. 
"But it seems like you're busy", Wonwoo adds and Scoups throws him a guilty look. 
"Why are you reading articles about Stray kids?" Wonwoo asks when Scoups keeps silent.
"I just find them interesting", Scoups lies and Wonwoo raises his eyebrow in disbelief.
"Oh really?" he asks. "I knew you were still in the past, but I didn't know you liked it this much." Everything in Wonwoo's voice shows Scoups that he doesn't believe his leader. So Scoups sighs and lets his head hang low.
"I'm trying to find something about Woojin," Scoups admits, "I am worried that he's not really gone." Wonwoo slowly nods his head understanding.
"To be honest, I think the same way. It would be weird if he just left like that", he says and Scoups feels relief washing over him. He's not the only one.
"Can I help?" Wonwoo suddenly asks and Scoups blinks surprised.
"I mean, I'm handy with computers and stuff", Wonwoo adds stuttering and Scoups smiles.
"Of course you can", he says and Wonwoo's eyes light up in joy. 
"I don't want Mingyu to know, though", Wonwoo says and Scoups tilts his head confused.
"Why?" he asks and Wonwoo lifts his shoulders.
"He'll be worried and he isn't going to want it", he explains and Scoups nods. He wants to ask when they will meet up, but Wonwoo suddenly takes something from his pocket and places it in Scoups' hand. The older stares at it in disbelief.
"Take it, I don't use it anyway", Wonwoo says and Scoups shakes his head.
"Thats your key!" he objects, but Wonwoo is certain.
"You can come and sneak into my house every night and then we can work in silence. This way, Mingyu won't find out", Wonwoo says, but Scoups isn't sure.
"I don't think that's a good idea...", he admits and Wonwoo looks at him.
"Please, Scoups, do this for me. I can finally do something for the team, don't take this away from me", he begs and Scoups sighs. 
"All right," he gives in, "but you tell me when it's too much." Wonwoo nods his head excited and the smile on his face grows bigger. Scoups glances at his laptop and at Wonwoo and he hopes that with Wonwoo's help, he will find Woojin. Then, Scoups closes the device and gets up from his bed. 
"Let's go eat pizza", he says and Wonwoo smiles again before turning around with Scoups following him. The leader prays that this is a good idea.