A story about love

11.

!TW - Anxiety, Self Harm, Panic Attack!

Charlie's pov-
"It's okay Charlie, I'm here. She won't hurt you" says Nick and puts an arm around me. I'm not entirely sure what he's saying though, it's like I'm not with him. All my focus is on my mother.
"Mrs. Spring, if you can't accept that Charlie is here, unfortunately I have to call the police, you understand that?" Sarah says kindly but my mother just keeps screaming, not caring about anything or anyone.

Nick must notice something in me that I don't, because he grabs my head and turns it towards him - I'm forced to meet his gaze.
"Charlie, can you try to breathe with me?" he asks softly and I realize that my breathing is fast and short. I try to focus on his voice, on what he says to me. But my fear is too great to focus. I feel like a child again - helpless. But after all, I'm trying my best, and I know Nick won't let anything happen to me. I feel after a while how I start to become a little calmer - not completely calm, but calmer.

I look at Nick and then hear a voice, but it's not my mother's voice this time. It's a different voice.
"We are police officers Mrs. Spring. You must do as we say, otherwise there may be consequences" says the voice and I feel a rush of relief. The police is here.
Despite that my mother continuing to scream and not listening, one of the officers finally manages to get her out of the house. The other one remains in the hall talking to Sarah. I can't hear exactly what they're saying, but it doesn't matter - my mother is gone now.

Nick grabs my hand.
"Charlie, it's over now. The police will make sure she can't hurt you anymore."
I nod weakly, but little panic remains in me. Nick hugs me tightly and I try to keep take deep, slow breaths - just like Nick told me to do before. I'm in he's arms, still on the floor in his bedroom. My body feels heavy from the panic attack, but my mind is still spinning.

After a moment of silence, the dark thoughts begin to creep forward again. Everything gets stronger and stronger - the words she said, the smell she has, the sound she made. The feeling of being unwanted and worthless eventually becomes unbearable. I quickly get an impulse, an urge to do something that will ease my mind.
"Charlie, are you okay?" Nick asks worriedly and looks down at me where I'm lying in his arms. I don't know what to answer, if i should be honest or not. I feel myself starting to shake again and the anxiety comes slowly.
"I.. I have.. want.. urge..." is all I manage to say, but Nick still understands what I mean and hugs me tighter.
"Don't Charlie. You deserves more than that. Can I do something?" He asks calmly and I try to believe what he says, but the thoughts are far too strong. I must do it.

I quickly shake my head to answer his question, before I break out from Nick's arms. With determined steps I start walking towards the bedroom door, to get to the bathroom.