Calm Down ~ Jeong Jaehyun

~ 9 ~

(slight warning, underage smoking, but nothing super intense)

Life without Jaehyun seemed peaceful in theory.

But I had to live in reality, and in the real world, I couldn't help but feel a growing emptiness.

I missed Jaehyun.

It physically irked me to even think that I had grown attached to him, but it was becoming hard to deny.

The worst part? It didn't seem like Jaehyun even cared.
He had gone on with his life, doing whatever he pleased.

Jaehyun kept partying, continued playing soccer, and just did whatever he pleased as if I had never been there.

I'm not mad at him- but I can't help feeling somewhat betrayed.

He told me he cared. Jaehyun told me that he'd always stand by my side because I was different.

I never really trusted his words to begin with- but deep down inside, I wanted to.

I wanted to be wrong.
But, like always, I was right.

"Are you alright Nari?" Heesung said, snapping his finger in front of my face.
I blinked my eyes rapidly and looked at him with a blank expression.
"We've been talking to you for like- the past five minutes?" Soobin said, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh- sorry. I was just zoned out..." I whispered as I sat back up.
"It's fine. Anyways- back to you Yunjin. How was tutoring Jungwoo? Was it everything you've ever wanted and more?" Ryujin asked, wiggling her fingers at a bright red Yunjin.

"You guys suck," Yunjin sighed, trying to hide her smile.

...

I wanted to pay attention, but my mind kept floating away.
I felt like I was aimlessly wandering around my brain, trying to find any memory I could, just to feel like Jaehyun was with me.

I liked the way he made me feel.

Jaehyun made me feel like I was special.

He was so different from what everybody said as well.

Jaehyun's a dork beneath the layers of fake persona which he maintains to keep his reputation up.

But I peeled them away, one by one.
Just to push him away in the end.

It's hard to act like I'm doing the right thing.
It's almost as if I sent away someone who I truly cared for, just for my grades.

Did my future really matter that much?

Wouldn't it be better to be happy, than to be alone and wealthy?

I know Heesung told me that I should still occasionally talk to Jaehyun, but I couldn't do it.

Spending time with him only makes me want more, if I fully avoid him, I presumed that I'd eventually get over it.
I just hadn't predicted that I'd yearn for his conversations so much.

Jaehyun laughed at my jokes.
Jaehyun called me pretty.
Jaehyun played with my hair.
Jaehyun squeezed his eyes when he smiled at me.
Jaehyun would drop everything to spend time with me.
Jaehyun didn't care that I was a snob.
Jaehyun made me feel loved.

But Jaehyun didn't love me, nor did my transcript love him.

The only person in love was me.

Though I'd never openly admit it, by then it was clear to myself.
I wanted to spend every minute with him.