Feeling The Greys (revised version)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟔. 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐇𝐈𝐌

𝐬𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐲

She wasn't even looking at me. She was looking at everything but me.

With her cheeks flushed, fingers shaky and eyes avoiding me, she sat there, eating the cupcake that I bought for her and she wouldn't even look at me.

A mere thank you doesn't work for me. I want her eyes on mine, staring deep into my soul.

But she is not fucking looking at me.

I wonder why that is or what happened?

Everything was fine before I left with Nakul to get us snacks but when we came back, Alya as usual jumped on her favorite cookies and she...I had to hand her the cupcake that I bought for her after standing and holding the queue for fifteen minutes deciding what flavor cupcakes she likes.

When the uncle behind the counter started complaining, I had to settle with the strawberry ones.

"Did you get the pink ones because they were more feminine?" Nakul teased and I shoved him in return, the tray shaking in his hands.

We returned back and placed the trays on the table. Juice, sandwiches, cookies, cupcakes, and chips filled the tray. The hour-long study session had worn us out and this break felt nice.
We ate in silence which was eventually broken by Alya but this time, I was thankful for her chattering.

She kept indulging her best friend in talking and let me keep this in mind that the said best friend still hasn't looked at me. I kept interrupting,-which is not what I do- kept cutting off Alya in mid-sentence, so I could continue the conversation with her friend. We talked but without any eye contact.

While talking to me, she looked at Alya or Nakul, the off-white ceiling above us. Hell, even the tray and the empty chair got her eyes staring at them. But not me.

Did I do something wrong? Is it the strawberry cupcakes she didn't like?

Fuck it. Who cares?

I continue with my food, occasionally stealing glances at her and glaring when I catch her looking at me. We slid the tray and wrappers aside and brushed off the food crumbs from the table and resumed from where we stopped. Alya started with a new topic while her friend solved something else.

"This is pretty simple. All we have to do is apply the correct formula and we'll get the correct answer." Alya explained, browsing through the pages to pick a question.

"And what if there's a slight error in the formula?" Nakul asked, his eyes on the pages.

"Then the answer comes wrong. The equations are simple, not the formulas. Here, try this one." Shivani flipped through the pages and when she found the page she was looking for, she handed the book to Alya. "It's a bit different from what the professor taught but I think she might give this one."

I took this as my chance. "How are you so sure?" I asked, hoping she'll look at me this time. A mere glance maybe?

"Umm, m-my senses say she can put this one." She said, looking down at her book. My jaws clenched. What does she think she's doing? She thinks she can avoid me after luring me in?

I huffed. Fine then, she herself will come to me.

Alya started explaining a new topic. She first took us through the theme of the sum, explaining why and how this topic will come in handy in future. She cleared the basics, started with simple, easy sums, and then went to the tough ones.

I won't admit this to her, but she's the sole reason behind me passing all the mathematics subjects. If not for her, I won't be passing my examinations with decent grades in this particular subject. One day of sick leave in junior college and since then, I'm on the verge of failing mathematics classes. Till now, I couldn't understand the topics which correlate with all the other topics.