Weeping Angels

Part XX So, What Now?

The night wasn’t just a success for Kettu, but for everyone involved. Sanctus wowed the crowd with their originals and their cover songs, Dark Side Sun had blown the roof off the stadium, and Dark Side Sun‘s manager, Chris Tollins, had told Sanctus that he would be talking to a major record company about getting them a record deal. The night had been amazing.

But for Kettu and Nina, things were just getting started. The two sat in the parking lot, holding each other’s hands under the orange elctronic glow of the streetlamps above.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Nina asked.

“I was afraid.” Kettu said sheepishly, bowing his head.

“Afraid of what?”

“That maybe you wouldn’t feel the same way, or that maybe you’d think I was just another broken down soul who needed repairing and sent on my way.”

“So why did you sing that song tonight?” Nina asked, pulling Kettu closer to her.

“Because you taught me to see things differently, that although the world is a brutal, cold place, there is great warmth and beauty in it, and you were the main reason I found a reason to live, and I . . . I can’t explain why I had to do it, I just needed to let you know how I felt.”

“Well, whatever the reason, I’m happy that you did.” Nina said, holding Kettu close. He smiled, closed his eyes and held her tight. This was incredible, like one of those fairy tales that was read to him as a child, where the hero finally gets the girl, and the only dragon he needed to slay was his own anxieties. He almost feared being awoken from this wonderful dream.

“Me too.” Kettu whispered in her ear as a cold drop touched his cheek. He lifted his eyes skyward and smiled a little more, “It’s starting to snow.”

“Hollywood moment, huh?” Nina giggled. Kettu nodded in agreement.

“So, what now?” Kettu asked meekly.

“What do you mean?” Nina asked, her hands running up and down Kettu’s back as the snow began to drift down lazily around them.

“I mean, I’ve never actually been in a relationship before, all I know from them is what I’ve read in books or seen in movies, so what happens from here?”

“Well,” Nina said, taking his hands in her own, “We could start by getting it all out in the open. There have been things that we’ve both hidden from each other, Kettu. I don’t want there to be any secrets between the two of us.”

Kettu’s stomach tightened, he didn’t like the sound of that. What secrets had she been keeping from him? He swallowed hard and nodded,

“That’s probably a good idea.” Kettu said, “But can we go somewhere else? It’s getting too damn cold out here.”

Nina giggled, touching his face.

“Of course.”

This wasn’t what Kettu had had in mind.

This wasn’t what he’d had in mind at all. A coffee shop, a restaurant, a hotel lobby, but this? This was nerve wracking, Kettu’s heart was pounding almost out of control, he could feel himself sweating and trembling. Now, he wondered, is it fear? Anticipation? Or the fear of the unknown?

Either way, sitting on Nina’s bed with her was making him edgy. The countless abstract paintings that hung on the peach-coloured walls and their misshapen, peering eyes certainly didn’t help matters

“So who goes first?” Kettu said, clearing his throat and brushing his long hair from his face.

“I will.” Nina said. Kettu felt his stomach tightening again, but he found some courage, holding her hands as she took a breath. “I was a lot like the way you were once.”

“I remember.” Kettu said, holding up her arm, the scars on her wrists still present, “But you never said why.”

“Which is why I want to get it off my chest.” Nina said, sighing heavily, “When I was five, my parents were killed in a car crash, since I had no real family members that were fit to take me, I was shipped off to foster care, it was one home after another after another, some of them good, some of them really, really bad. Around that time I started to get violent with others, and especially myself. I alienated myself from the people around me. Sometimes I wonder if my species dysphoria has anything to do with that stage of my life, but I learned for a long time to never trust anyone, because there were too many people out there who are sick, demented people who only want to hurt.” Nina sniffed, a tear rolling down her face. Kettu instinctively reached out and brushed the tears away. She didn’t have to say the rest, it was a story that was repeated by many in the city’s foster care program. They were abused in all sorts of ways, neglected, beaten, tortured, and far, far worse things. Kettu didn’t have to be psychic to know what Nina had gone through.

“It wasn’t your fault, Nina.” Kettu said bravely.

“I know.” Nina sighed, looking down.

“But it still hurts, knowing there was, nothing you could do to stop it.” Kettu observed. Nina nodded, and looked to him with tearful eyes.

“I may not know much about the foster care system, other than the horror stories that go around,” Kettu said, “But I do know a thing or two about helplessness and victimization.” He clenched his jaw, and closed his eyes. It was time now, to let Nina in on his dark past. The two of them sat on that bed while Kettu spoke, telling her every detail of his life with his father, and the murder of his mother. By the time that it was all said, Kettu found himself emotionally drained.

And they sat in silence.

“I am so sorry, Kettu.” Nina said, a tear rolling it’s way down her cheek, “I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, see all of that-” Kettu cut her short by placing a finger to her lips.

“It’s alright.” Kettu said gently, “It’s all behind me now, in the past where the past belongs. It’s taken me a long time to overcome my demons, to put my skeletons back in their closets, but now,” He said, wrapping his arms aroung her neck, “Thanks to you, I can finally move on.”

“I think that with you,” Nina said, a smile appearing on her face, her blue eyes sparkling, “I can do that too.”