My Valentine

I love Kevin.

- Emily... are you sure about this?
- Yes, I am, Ken. I think I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life. And I can't believe it took me so long to realize this...
- At least you realized it.
- You're right.
- Then, what are you going to do now?
- I don't know... I just know that I love Kevin.

I did it. I said it out loud. I loved Kevin, and now we had broken up... God, why was I so stupid? That was literally the reason we broke up... If only I have had the guts to tell him how I truly felt... but I was too scared. I didn't know what to do anymore. I wanted to scream, wanted to meet Kevin and say sorry and kiss him harder than ever... but he didn't deserve my love. We had just broken up and he had already gotten a girl, and it was Isa?? That stupid Portuguese girl... I thought we were friends but then I just hated her. And I hated him. And I hated both. But then I loved Kevin so it was kinda of a love-hate thing. GOD THAT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
In my whole life I never thought about how complicated relationships could be. I knew they weren't easy, and that there were lots of ups and downs, but that was too much. Maybe that was the real reason why I hated love, maybe I was just afraid of falling in love, or maybe afraid of how my relationship could end, or even being afraid of rejection, or maybe all of them... Probably the last one. Mostly, I was scared of being loved...
When I was younger I was bullied at school. I had people telling me that no one could ever love me, and that my personality sucked, and I would end up all alone... and for a long time I believed them. No one ever told me that they liked me or anything for years, so that made me believe them even more. The first guy that ever asked me out was Jake, but I didn't actually believed he liked me. I always thought he only had asked me out for some kind of joke or something, even though I felt bad for rejecting him because I could be wrong. He could've actually liked me and I didn't want to break his heart, but going out with him not liking him would be just as cruel, and I was never a cruel person. At least, I never considered myself cruel... Was I?
Well, after everything that had happened between me and Kevin, maybe I was actually cruel. I broke his heart once when I rejected him, I know I did, and that feeling never left my heart and brain alone. I still couldn't believe how dumb I was, and how I never really changed.
Breaking up with him was one of my stupidest things I've ever done, I wondered what could have happened if we were still together...
Maybe it was all for the best, people say "When you love something, you gotta let it go", maybe I really had to let him go...
I didn't regret dating him, I never did, not even once, but I bet he did regret dating me...
He chose Isa, he could've tried asking me to come back, for us to be a couple again, but he didn't. He chose to immediately move on with Isa, and completely forgetting me... maybe all those bullies were right, maybe I didn't deserved to be loved. That's why I never had the guts to tell Kevin I loved him, I wasn't sure what love truly felt. I didn't know that what we had was true love or just a silly high school relationship that didn't even last a year. At that moment I was heartbroken, I couldn't stop crying, and the worst of all: I couldn't stop thinking about how much I loved and missed Kevin.

- Emily, you're crying again.
- I know, Ken, I know...
- Do you need a hug?
- Yes, Ken, I do...
Ken hugged me and made me feel way better, his hug was warm and it felt like home, it made me feel safe.
- Do you wanna come to my house and play videogames?
- Ok, let me just tell my mom first.
- Sure.
I called my mom and she let me stay at Ken's house for a while, she even let me stay over to sleep there if I wanted, because she knew I was going through a tough time, still, I was surprised she even thought about the idea of me sleeping at a guy's house. She knew nothing was going to happen, but that was still weird.
- She said I can go.
- Yes, let's go then!
- Yep, let's go...!
He grabbed my hand and we ran to his house. Don't ask me why we ran, but it was quite fun to be honest. That moment made me feel free and relax a little, something that I had almost forgotten about.
When we arrived he kissed my forehead and said
- This, my friend, is how we are going to forget the people we love!
- Are you sure this will work?
- I did it to get over Barbie, so yes, I'm very sure.
- Let's do it, then.
- Let's go!
Ken's house was very big and lovely. When we got in his mom went to the haul to talk to us.
- Kennedy, honey, you're home!
- Kennedy?- I asked while laughing.
- Mom! I've begged you a million times to not call me by my full name!
- Oh, I'm so sorry sweetheart! I didn't know you were bringing company today! Hello there, sweety! What's your name?
- Hi Ken's mom! My name is Emily.
- Such a lovely name! It matches you! You can call me by Mrs. Jones or Katherine. Just chose the one you're more comfortable with!
- Thank you so much, Mrs. Jones! It's a pleasure to meet you!
- Thank you, darling! You're very sweet! I didn't knew my son had such a beautiful and sweet girlfriend.
- MOM!
- Well... we're not actually dating...
- We're just friends mom...
- Oh! I'm so sorry sweetheart! It's just that my son never bring any girl here, so I assumed you were his girlfriend...
- Mom...
- Really? Not even Barbie?
- Who is Barbie?
- She's no one mom, she was my girlfriend but we broke up a while ago...
- Really? You never told me you had a girlfriend. I'm so sorry you guys broke up, but I'm sure you'll find someone who's right for you!
- Thank you, mom!
- I'm going to leave now. Have fun, sweeties!!
- We will, mom! Goodbye, I love you!
- Goodbye, Mrs. Jones!
- Goodbye! I love you, sweetheart! It was very nice to meet you, Emily!
Ken's mom then left to go shopping, she was such a lovely person, I could see where Ken got such a nice personality.
- Ok, but now I have a serious question.
- Spill it!
- Kennedy? Really? That's your real name? I always thought your real name was Ken!
- Hey! Don't make fun of it! Kennedy was my grandfather's name and he died on the war...
- Oh... I'm so sorry, Ken, I didn't know...
- My parents called me Kennedy to honor him, but I know it's an old people's name, I've always been made fun off because of it. That's why I started telling people to call me Ken, it's not much better, but at least it doesn't sound like a grandpa's name.
- I actually think it's cute, it fits you!- I said and then Ken blushed a little.
- Anyways, that's not the reason why we're here,- He pulls out two PS3 commands and gives me one of them.- we're here to play "Little Big Planet"!
- Really? That's the game we're playing?
- Why not?
- I thought we were going to play something like "Fortnite" or "Free Fire", you know, so we can kill our pain by killing other players, lol.
- Oh no, I don't play those. I hate shooting games. "Little big planet" is way better, trust me.
- We'll see...
We then sat on his couch and played "Little big planet", "Little big planet 2" and "Little big planet 3". I had to admit, somehow that really helped for part of my pain to go away, I just had no clue how.
- So? Did you like it?
- If I liked it... I LOVED THIS THING!!!
- See? I told you, I knew you were going to love it!
- Thank you so much, Ken, lately no one's really been here for me... Alice and Cami started dating, so I'm going to leave them on their own space for a while, Ash also got her boyfriend and she's been busy with her YouTube channel lately, so we haven't talked that much, Kevin is...
- Let's not talk about Kevin.
- Ok... anyways, let's not talk about him. Lately the only person that's been by my side is my dog, and, well, she's A DOG not a person. Still, I love Jewel more than anything, she means the world to me and always knows how to comfort me. Even though she's only a dog, she comforts me more than any other person could. I love my dog!
- She seems lovely!
- She is... still, what I really wanted to say with all this is... Thank you, Ken.
- For what?
- For everything. For being by my side at my worst, for not leaving when my life is all messed up, for comforting me instead of running away... Thank you, Ken...
Before I could say any other word he came and hugged me tight.
- I'm always going to be here for you, Emily. You're my friend and an amazing person. You are funny, smart, beautiful and maybe a little stupid sometimes, and you might not believe any of the things I'm saying right now... but it's all true. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.
- Ken... thank you.
- Don't say anything. I know you miss him, and you can cry as much as you want to here.
- You're too sweet... And, I also can see that you're trying your best to be strong for me, and to comfort me, but I can see how you really feel right now, and it's ok, you can also cry. You've been strong for too long, but you are heartbroken as well. You don't need to be strong for me, cry as much as you want to, I'm also not going to leave.
- I really loved Cami...
- I know you did, and I'm sure she knows how much you care for her, even if your love is not mutual, she'll be there for you.
- I feel like I don't have the right to cry over her when I'm just a burden in her life. She has her amazing girlfriend and they're both happy, and I'm happy for them, I really am... I should have stopped my heart from falling for her, she must think I'm such a fool... I just couldn't help it. I've never felt this before, not even for Barbie...
- You are an amazing person, Ken, and I'm sure you'll get the best girlfriend you can, and she will love you the way you deserve, and treat you right, and never leave you when things get tough... And you were never a burden in Cami's or anyone's lives!! Please never say such a thing ever again!!
- I think I should've played more videogames...
- What you need is not videogames, you need to cry so you can feel better later.
- Do I even deserve to cry over someone that I never even dated?
- Of course you do! You have the right to cry as much as you need over anything that bothers you!
- Really?
- Yes! I can't believe how amazing you are to other people while you treat yourself like this... you deserve so much more... Now I'm the one who wishes you saw yourself the way I see you.
- You know what, Emily?
- What?
- Thank you.
- For what?
- For that advice.
- Oh you're welco...
- And not just that.
- What more?
- Thank you for being here.
- It's my pleasure, Ken.
- You're the first person that I ever actually opened up to. I never thought I could be so honest with anyone, but it's just so easy to be honest with you. You make me feel so comfortable just by existing. I'm eternally thankful for you.
- I think we both needed someone to listen, and someone to stay...
- And I'll never leave, Emily, never.
After that we kept crying in silence over the people that we loved, but that sadly, broke our hearts. It was silent but honest, and our tears were full with pain. We could be on our own, but at least we knew we would stay.