the wall between us, james beaufort

chapter four.

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"why does one of the hottest girls in school hide so deep in the shadows of it?"

unfortunately, for the rest of the day, james words echoed in my head. over and over.

i had so many questions. but, accordingly to james, so did everyone else. about me.

"maybe it'll answer all the questions everyone has about you?"

the thought of it made me sick. was i a known mystery? was i a topic at the games or parties they threw? was i the girl everyone wanted to know, or wondered about?

i had to stop bile from rising from my throat during sixth period.

somehow, someway, i had failed at my biggest goal here at maxton.

staying completely invisible.

limited eye contact. swearing off any friendships. keeping speaking up in class to a minimum. i thought i had done everything right. that i had the perfect recipe for staying on the downlow and the most uphigh school there was.

dont stand out. dont ask for attention. and dont conform.

somehow, that had made me stand out more. and i had to hear about it from james beaufort.

part of me wanted to let that last fact ease my mind. maybe he was just trying to get in my head, make me finally tell him a price to keep me silent, or scare me into giving into his little sex experience.

people with power want others to feel it. see it, and be afraid of it.

suddenly, i had realized i fell victim to just that.

i shook my head, as if shaking away all the thoughts of the last few minutes. last few hours, at that, my little conversation with james now just being over three hours ago.

dont let james get in your head, i scolded myself, he doesnt deserve that.

and it has been too much these past few days.

"im going to the lacrosse game to try and get lexington to do the recommendation for me," ruby jolted me out of more thoughts right after 8th period, the last class of the day, "and the group needs more pictures for the promotion video. and i think lin is coming too." she rattled off some reasons for her next point, "you in?"

i gave her a look that tried to express all of my thoughts from today; heck no.

but i spoke kinder, "i think i'll pass."

she smiled kindly at me, "i guess thats fair." she paused, "has there been more antagonizing?"

i huffed, opening my locker, "yes, but i refuse to dedicate anymore of my time to that kook."

"which one?"

i looked over to glare at her, but her smile back told me she was playing along with my vow.

"exactly." we smiled at each other for a second, "besides, i think ill go over everything for the welcome party tonight." with all this james drama going on, i had almost completely forgotten that it was tonight. one of the biggest events our club threw, and it was within the next few hours.

not that i had to do anything else, but i needed to at least be mentally prepared for what was planned. and i was so far from it.

the fact of james beaufort distracting me from even the small amount of things i dedicated my time to at this school lit a fire in my chest, i had to breath heavy a few times to dim it.