the wall between us, james beaufort

chapter eight.

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by the time i had gotten down the staircase, a few more strands had fallen in front of james' eyes, but he seemed to stare right through them. right through me.

his smile had reached his eyes now, too, and they lowered my rapid heart rate. a natural one came to my own, and i reached out to grasp his hand.

"shall we?" he tilted his head toward a mirror across the room, where the kind lady now stood with a camera.

i smiled over at him, and let him walk me slowly over to the mirror. but before i gave the camera attention, i looked for myself.

i almost didnt recognize the girl who stared back at me. the elegant hair style and bright clothing made me think we had looked into a painting, not a mirror.

but she blinked when i did, and her chest took a big inhale, like she had tried to not gasp wildly, too.

it was, indeed, me.

i turned slowly, spinning my head to see me from as many angles as possible. the back of this dress was all lace, and it swooped down to show most of my back.

as i spun around to look at my left side, james quickly spun towards me too, making us face each other, and laughed when he caught my eyes.

for a second, i thought i had leaned forward, he had stepped so close to me, so i leaned back some. but these heels were not for the weak, and i felt wobbly.

james mustve saw it in my face, and his hands grabbed my elbows, pulling me closer to him. my breath caught, and he smiled down at me.

"first time wearing heels, bodart?"

i huffed out a "yeah", trying to keep my breath steady.

he smirked, "not a heel girl, two."

i laughed, but it was very much so in his face. he didnt even flinch away.

"shall we?" the lady clicked the camera, catching us in a candid moment. i blushed, and nodded.

james spun me away from him, but only until my back was towards him, and he pulled me in close again. his arm wrapped around my shoulder and chest, and i could feel his breathe on my neck.

dont move, i told myself, dont breath. dont blush.

i went over the top things i could do to completely embarrass myself right now, and it seemed never ending.

but, last second, i reminded myself to smile, and the camera started to click away.

james and i went through many poses. us side by side, me in front of him on either side, and soon, i started to loosen up.

we swayed to no music, and spun each other around. he even bowed to me, and i did my best curtsey.

"i think someones ready for king charles." he teased, and i giggled, and the camera clicked some more.

slowly, he took my waist in one hand, and my hand in the other, and he began to sway slightly. i found myself following his lead immediately, and i sighed into it.

i had been tense all day, but suddenly that all went away.

while looking into james' eyes, i thought, who knew?

i then realized just how long i had been staring at them, and how kind and gentle they had seemed. how reassuring and calming they were to all the anxiety built up from today. the drive, the walk through the estate, the trying to act classy and sophisticated when i swore off such things in my day to day life.

"thank you," i was saying it before i could think about it, "for taking me here, and," i looked around, noticing everyone had left us, "wanting to help, and everything."

he smiled kindly down at me again, "of course."

i giggled, "i feel weird being here," he furrowed his brows at me, "hearing people talk, it doesnt sound like anyones ever been here before."

he chuckled lowly, "yeah, i guess weve both experienced things no ones seen before today, huh?" he didnt say it as a question, flicking his hair back with a quick movement of his head, and looking around at the room like what he was talking about was around us.

i showed my confusion, "what do you mean?" he looked back down at me, "what did you see that was new?" i scanned the room too, maybe i just needed a break from his eyes on mine.

"you."

but that quickly ended.

i blinked hard, and brought my face further away from his, now really confused.

before i could ask another question, a cough at the door sent james' arms flying away from me.

he spun to reveal an older couple standing by the doorway. the woman was smiling, gently, in a way that looked familiar. and the man was tense, clenched, even found within the details of his face; which also made something in my brain itch.

"mum, dad." james stuttered, and i realized why i had recognized characteristics in the older couple.
these were his parents.

and james may have had the kindest of his mothers face, but his tense nature was uncanny to his fathers.

even right now, as they stared at each other.

"may i ask who this is?" the father looked at me, and for a moment, his stare intimidated me. but then again, looking like james, i found myself naturally bypassing the look he was giving me. the way people like the beauforts wanting other people to feel.

"oh, im cassie. cassie bodart." i walked a few steps, offering a hand, but by the fact that he didnt move as i did, i slowed down.

he looked me up and down, and i wanted to scoff, but i held it in with a deep breath.

"its a pleasure to meet you dear," the moms face warmed with another smile, and she walked around her husband to greet me, "you look absolutely stunning."

i forced a tight lipped smile, and a thank you. i didnt want her kindness, even if it was genuine, if it was just trying to mask her husbands judgement. i looked at james for support, but he just stared over at us, seeming to be in a daze. his jaw had tightened, and his eyes were hard.

and suddenly, i recognized someone else too. this was james beaufort. the one i went to school with, the one i avoided, the one i dreaded any encounter with. i hadnt seen him yet today, actually, and i wondered where this james had went. what had made him leave. or why he even left in the first place.

but that just made me more angry. even if he did leave, why had i accepted it so easily? why had i believed that james couldve been anything other than the entitled jerk he was within school walls?

"im not sure you two here playing dress up is an appropriate weekend activity, is it son?" thankfully, the father directed the question at james, so all heads turned towards him, i didn't have to move mine much.

but just like before, james stood like a stone. like he was frozen in time.

"my apologies," i forced out, starting to take off the sleeves that were beginning to make my sweaty palms itch, "i'm beginning to agree with you, sir." i sent a smile to her parents that i hoped seemed sincere, but im not quite sure how well i could act the part anymore.

so i gave up completely when i looked at james.

his eyes changed slightly when they met mine, but i didnt want to see any more of his reaction to my words.

sorrow would just make me angrier, and if it were some cocky or demeaning stare that i usually got from him, it would just rub my own gullibleness in my face even more.

i tried to make my way back up the staircase smoothly, not wanting to ruin this day with falling on my face in front of the royal family. but these heels, again, made everything harder.

and i suddenly got why those movie scenes where the sound of a girls heels quickly running down an echoey hallway were always included. it makes whatever scene it follows much more heartbreaking. even to the girl herself, i had learned.