A Message Behind a Portrait (2022)
Happy 5th Birthday, Ella! I paint this portrait of you to wish you a speedy recovery!
By the time you reach 15, and I'm 17, I'll become a masterful painter.
Many will come to see my paintings, and you'll be the sister of the greatest painter..
..
I burst into laughter when I look back at the message from that day.
Most people in this world are vulgar and noisy. I don't need them to understand me, and all they do is bore me.
Only those who understand me can add a stroke of brilliance to my art.
When I was 6, mother left green behind in the carriage. When I was 8, my younger sister left white behind in the painting room. I can never forget their coughs that filled the night and their sickly countenances. But as time passed, the inspiration they gave me started to fade into obscurity.
Later on, Mr. Sarai was the only person who understood me, but sadly, he started revealing his true colors—he was a filthy liar.
The inspiration Mr. Sarai gave me dwindled. Will he leave? Will he leave with his lies?
Lately, I've heard the cries of the canvas and paintbrushes:
If you need his color, why don't you take it yourself?
/////
A Page from Edgar Valden's Experiment File (2023)
Serial No. 5-?-1
Name: Edgar Valden
[Test Indicators]
1. Artist
2. Centrist
3. Arrogant Spectator
[Inclination]
The twisted ""devotee""
[Test Results]
1. Overall Evaluation
Subject 5-?-1 was the most rational test subject in the group. But his rationality stemmed from his twisted and almost inhumane goal. In the end, he devoted his life to his goal, and for him, it could be considered a ""perfect"" ending.
2. Methodology
In the group experiment, the test subjects were forced to face their pasts and engage in self-reflection by exposing their own scars. Their cultural background, values, and difference in class led to a string of conflicts, causing them to be clearly divided into factions even before the game began. But Subject 5-?-4 failed to enter the game.
Subject 5-?-1 remained neutral throughout the experiment and watched the others fight from the perspective of a bystander. He used vague and incomprehensible paintings to bring out the fear in others and playfully observed their reactions. He disdains mind games and sees through the trap set by Subject 5-?-5.
Someone as rational as Subject 5-?-1 should have had the chance to win the game, but it was his paintings that gave Subject 5-?-5 an opportunity to use his blood against him. At the final moment, Subject 5-?-1 did not fight back and realized that the ""swan song"" was his ultimate goal.
3. Analysis Summary
Subject 5-?-1's rationality comes from his obsession with art, but in the end, it was art that led to his fall by making him give up all resistance and willingly sacrifice himself.
From the perspective of personal goals, Subject 5-?-1 got what he wanted and found the answer he sought — The way to sublimate a piece of art further is to devote a painter's life to transform it into a swan song. But both the answer and his insistence were pathological, paranoid, and twisted. Perhaps this is the result of the impact brought about by experiencing the death of loved ones and betrayal of mentors; or perhaps, it's a common illness suffered by the ""gifted?""
A single group experiment is insufficient to draw a solid conclusion. Test subjects similar to Subject 5-?-1 can be introduced in the subsequent experiments for further verification.
/////
A Farewell Letter (2024)
Dear Father,
Forgive my abrupt departure—this is my farewell.
There's no need to search for me or harbor any fears on my behalf, for at this moment, I feel an unprecedented lightness—a sense of ease and joy I have not known in over a decade.
For you and those self-proclaimed "gentlemen," my heart is filled with nothing but loathing. I grew up amidst words of flattery, only to find them dull, grating, and deceitful. Those words were the weapons that murdered all that was once beautiful in my life. Of course, you were among the assailants.
I still remember Mother's death in that carriage after the ball, opening the door to her cold, pale face. And young Ella, only six, forgotten by you on a sweltering afternoon. You were preoccupied with my "birthday celebration," neglecting the game you had promised her. Her tiny body curled in the painting room, her face pale as an asphyxiated fish, waiting for you to open the door until her last breath.
The few confidants I had in my life have departed one by one, and the so-called "mentor" you found for me was merely another shadow of you—a charlatan just the same. In the end, I allowed him to serve a pitiful purpose. I regret to say that your hypocrisy has sullied every color in my life worth preserving.
I have come to realize that both I and the art you speak of are mere decorations under your facade of deceit. I hold no hatred toward you anymore, nor do I cling to anything here, including this hollow mansion.
This may well be my final goodbye. An old acquaintance of yours has shown me a new direction, and I shall venture far to seek fresh colors for the canvas of my life.
With this, I wish us an eternal parting. May this letter meet the dignity and propriety of the "nobility" you so desire.Edgar Valden
