Cat and Mouse (Steve Rogers Fanfic)

I Already Have

Warnings: aftereffect of trauma with hydra, facing up to zemo, angst

Summary: Your therapist suggests writing letters to help you cope with your trauma, and you'll try anything at this point. The last letter is to Zemo, and you're not even sure where to start. That is until Bucky says he found him. Why write it when you can tell him how you feel?

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Per the instructions from your therapist, you're writing every little apology and feeling you have for hundreds of people. You have one hundred years of things you need to apologize for. For some, it helped get some of the weight off your shoulders because you've addressed them to living people. It's gonna take a lot more than writing letters to the dead to make you feel better, but you're trying.

You finish with the letter you're writing and seal it in an envelope for no one to open and read. There is one more letter you need to write, the most important one of all: Zemo. You grab a new piece of paper and start to write but pause. What are you going to say that will measure up to how you're feeling? He took so much from you and turned you into someone that you hated. How can you ever find the words to say?

If you can get this letter done, then you would have written down everything you needed to say. However, you can't seem to put the pen to the paper.

Bucky and Steve walk in and see you at your desk staring at the paper. There are about fifty envelopes on the desk behind you just haphazardly thrown about.

"She's been writing non-stop this entire week," Steve whispers to Bucky. "We've burned about two hundred letters already."

"She needs to get it all out no matter how many letters that take."

"I can hear you. I have ears," you sigh and put your pen down.

"How many more letters do you have left?"

"One more. It's for Zemo but I don't know what I want to say. I feel like putting words on paper isn't enough to express how I feel about him. I want nothing more than to punch him in his face." Both men are silent so you turn to them with an eyebrow raised. "What?"

"You might get that chance," Bucky says.

"What do you mean?"

"We found Zemo. His hiding spot is in Siberia in the old base where we were kept."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go."

You grab your coat and are about to leave the room when Steve stops you. He grabs your upper arm gently and keeps you from leaving the room.

"Are you sure you want to go?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"We want him but we don't want him dead."

"I'm not gonna kill him," you roll your eyes.

"If he says your trigger words you might."

"I didn't spend two and a half years at Wakanda for fucking nothing." You yank your arm out of Steve's grasp. "The words are free from my mind. It worked. Shuri tested it and double-tested it. You guys have nothing to worry about. I'm fine. Let's go get this son of a bitch."

You, Steve, and Bucky are going to be the only ones on this mission. There is no need for anyone else to come, but Tony and Wanda are on stand-by if you need them. There is a place not far from the Siberian base where Wanda and Tony can hang out just in case, but you don't feel like you will need them. You three step inside the base and memories flood your mind like a tidal wave.