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"This is ridiculous! He wants to teach you how to love?" Stellar said. "I don't think you should trust him, sweetie. Don't you think you'll regret it?"
"Why? I think he's trustworthy." I closed my locker we've been standing at. "And if not, I can just leave the... uh... lessons... whenever I want! See?"
Stellar looked away. "If you think so. But don't come crawling on the floor and crying when you realize it couldn't work."

Something about her was strange. "Why do you guarantee that it won't work? Have you heard strange rumors or something?"
"Apparently, yes." Stellar checked if there was someone around us, then moved closer to me. "Some girls are saying he's an actual playboy and his shy behavior and the look are just to get the 'special' kind of girls... if you know what I mean..." She looked at me nervously. "I dunno if this is true, but at least that's what-"

"Hi!" I heard Apollo's voice behind us. Stellar instantly moved away and smiled at him like nothing happened.
I didn't feel like smiling at all, so I just kept the expression on my face that I had before: a little bit of terror.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Are you alright?" Apollo asked.
I nodded and was about to answer, but Stellar did it for me.
"Can you please leave us alone? We're talking about girl things right now and do not want to be interrupted by you. Get lost!"

Apollo was shocked. "You don't have to be so rude. Are you sure everything is okay?"
"Oh, so now you think I'm crazy?" Stellar was furious and was probably about to kill him, but I took her arm and pulled her away.
"See you, Apollo, we gotta go!"

When I was sure Apollo couldn't hear us anymore, I looked at Stellar and confronted her: "What are you doing? Trying to destroy my friendship?"
"Obviously not, sweetie. But I just think I am the only friend you need, okay?" She smiled and said: "That boy is just not necessary."

"Well, that's your opinion, not mine. So please, stop making my decisions. I can handle it myself." I said angrily.
Stellar seemed surprised by my anger. "You don't have to be so rude, girl."
I imitated her. "Oh, so now you think I'm crazy?" And walked away.

We didn't talk for the rest of the day. I actually thought it was gonna be some sort of little joke fight — we had those often — but Stellar was actually... pissed. That was actually unusual for her, but I decided to not talk to her either. If she wanted to apologize, she could. But I wouldn't do it first.

Apollo noticed my weird behavior on our way home and asked if I was angry at Stellar or something.
I sighed. "No, we just had a little conversation that ended with a tiny misunderstanding... I'm pretty sure she'll get over it soon."
"Okay then." Apollo answered. "By the way, are you free tonight? I wanted to start with my first lesson."

———

Well, to be honest, 'tonight' was the keyword in that sentence. Because he actually called me at 5 PM and told me to wait for him.

"What do you mean? Where am I supposed to wait?" I asked confused.
He laughed. "At your home. The first lesson requires me to see the circumstances you live under."

He was serious. I waited in my room and heard the doorbell ring after a while. I stormed out of my room and waited on the stairs to see him chatting with my mother.
"Furina's room is upstairs. She's probably waiting for- oh, there she is!"

I waved at them both. "Hi. C'mon, I'll show you where my room is."
Apollo nodded and followed me.

When we were at my room, I sat down on my bed. "Why the heck do we have to be here?"
"That's all a part of the learning process." Apollo said. "Before you're able to love others, I want you to love yourself and build a solid confidence."
He looked at the mirror on my wall while I started thinking. "But I do love myself. I don't think I'm ugly, I don't have any confidence issues, I-"

Apollo chuckled. "I don't mean that part of the confidence. What I mean is... do you think someone would be able to fall in love with you?"
"Not... necessarily." I answered nervously. "But that's not because of a lack in my confidence."
"Why else would it be?" He asked.
I just looked at the ground. "I have no clue."

"Because you don't think you're worth being loved. At least that's what I think. If it's not true, I'd have to make a plan for some lessons." Apollo said and sighed. "This one alone took me almost two hours to make."

"Then let's continue and pretend like nothing happened, okay?" I said quickly. "I don't want you to waste your time for nothing."

I pointed at my chair. "You can sit there. Like a real teacher. And do anything you need to fulfill your lesson plan."

———

So began the process of learning how to love. Apollo started asking me casual questions about my normal life like my friendship with others — especially with Stellar and Tanner. He said that it was really important to know what my friendship with others was like to know how I'd handle a serious relationship.

He then started talking about my sexuality where I found some kind of difficulties. I was asexual and hadn't thought about things like that in months, if not years. But Apollo insisted on me trying to answer the questions he asked.

He looked at his phone and read the question. "When was the last time you felt attracted to a person that was not male?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Never."
"Okay, forget it." He sighed. "When was the last time you get attracted to a male person?"

"Uhm... I can't remember. Maybe eight months?" I said.
Apollo noted something on a paper. "Okay, good to know." He read the next sentence. "Do you think you'd be able to spent the rest of your life with a single person?"

I laughed. "Definitely not."
Apollo checked his phone. "Then we can skip the next one."
"At least read it, okay?" I asked.
He nodded. "Do you plan on marrying someone, having kids with them and living with this person until you die?"

"Okay, the answer's no. Obviously." I chuckled. "But nice try."

Apollo started typing something on his phone. "It's good to know. And it's helpful to create the next lesson."
"Indeed." I stood up. "How many questions do you have left?"
"One... which actually equals multiple ones." He said. "Describe what these feeling are to you."

I sat down again. "Okay. Start."
"Hatred."
I thought about it for a second. "Extremely negative feelings for someone in form of dislike. You don't want to see that person and don't want to talk to them because you really don't like them."
"Not bad." He said. "Now... Disappointment."
"The negative emotion you feel after someone did something wrong and you can't forgive them... which means that it can apply to yourself too. You can associate this with some kind of depression too."
Apollo nodded. "Interesting." He looked at his phone and then focused on me.
"Love."

I looked at the ground. Then, I tried finding a description that wouldn't sound weird or childish. I thought about what I felt for my parents or other relatives, but I just couldn't find something good. So I decided to say what came to my mind.
"Having some kind of positive emotion for another person. Your mind is full of thoughts about how beautiful or amazing this person is. You feel some kind of sadness when the person isn't there because you want to be with that person permanently. You feel like you could sacrifice eve-... a lot for them just to be with this person and... give them all the 'love' you have."

I felt the last words in my spine.
'Give them all the love you have.'

I started questioning my definition, but these words were trapped in my mind and couldn't get out. I realized I didn't own a single piece of love in my heart.

How was I supposed to give another person something I didn't even own?

[1407 words]