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T W E L V E

Our first real day at Bora Bora was incredible.
From the first moment where I entered the house, looked at where I'd be sleeping and fell onto my bed, I knew that these holidays would be great.

The ocean had a beautiful turquoise tone and the beaches were pure white — just like the clouds in the airplane.
There was a pool and a bar at the resort and our house was directly next to the ocean, so when I'd wake up, all that I'd hear were the sounds of the waves coming and welcoming another beautiful day at Bora Bora.

I had to share a small bedroom with Apollo, which was some kind of problem for me. I was trying to avoid him, after all.
Whenever you entered the room, you could see the big window that was on the right side next to the door, and on the right side, there were our two beds and the door to the bathroom.
But there was only one closet.

Apollo was really nice and said that I could use it while he'd keep his stuff in his suitcase.
But I didn't want to accept that at all, primarily because it felt unfair.
"Why don't you take the three upper shelves and I take the three lower ones?" I said. "I'm not one of these girls who'd bring tons of clothes, you know."

This didn't seem like a compromise, more like a good way to avoid any suffering for any of us. I knew the struggles of having to keep everything in one suitcase and didn't want Apollo to have to deal with it.

Just as he was about to say something, Apollo's mom opened the door and told us to go the beach with them.

———

I was sitting on the sand and looking at the sunset. I was all alone because Apollo was still in the water and his parents had returned to the house already.
They told us to be back before darkness, so I decided to stand up in a couple of minutes.

Apollo got out of the water and sat down next to me. I didn't want to look at him because I still had the trauma of when I saw him without a shirt, but I had to admit that he looked exceptionally good and handsome.
Before some weird thoughts could fill my mind, I started drawing some lines in the same and convincing myself that loving him was a bad idea. Nonsense. Pure danger. Nothing good.

The corrupted part of my brain grew bigger and I felt a sudden pain in my chest. Almost as if the corruption was squeezing my heart to death.
When the pain grew bigger, I bit in my tongue to not let out any sound because I didn't want Apollo to notice. He'd think that I was weak and couldn't handle the pain because he'd underestimate it.

But the pain was stronger than I was and I accidentally sighed before pressing my lips on top of each other.
Apollo looked at me in shock. "Are you alright, Furina?"
I nodded. "I'm fine."
"But you're so pale again..." He said and touched my chin to lift my head. "What's happening to you? Is it this weird corruption?"

The touch made me feel better and I could relax a little. "I don't want to tell you. What if you'll get in trouble for it or even corrupted yourself?"
"I don't care. Your health is more important." Apollo pulled me closer and held my shoulders. "Please tell me."
"How can you possibly be so selfless?" I asked. I felt strong again because he was touching me. The pain was completely gone. "I'm not more important to you than you are. That's impossible."

"It's not. And now tell me." Apollo was still holding my shoulders and now looked at me with those light blue eyes that I couldn't stop staring at.
I sighed. "But I can't tell you. I want you to enjoy these holidays without having to worry about what I told you."

He looked at me with a sad expression in his eyes. "I'm sorry for asking. It's okay."
Now, I felt guilty for not telling him. But what should've I said?

"Yeah, well, I actually have a big crush on you, which does absolutely not match the stuff I told you a couple of days ago. That's why I practically summoned the corruption, it was to avoid these positive feelings so I could hide my crush better. Any questions?"

But now, seeing the sadness in his eyes and looking at him again was so weird and strange that I just couldn't stop thinking about what he could've answered. Especially when I remembered the dream I had about him.

I wanted to do something to stop him from being sad. I wanted to make him happy again and forgive me for not telling him about my secret feelings for him.
So I took a deep breath to calm myself down, got up and hugged him.

It wasn't electric.
But neither was it strangely powering.
The touch felt just... warming. Almost as if I was touching a warm blanket or a pillow.
I noticed that there were still some water drops on his body. They were warm and small, but they still made a difference for me.

Apollo didn't do anything, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to show him my sorrow and guilt. So I even went further, I sat down on his lap astride and put my head on his shoulder. My arms were wrapped around his neck and I had my eyes closed.

He finally did something. He pulled me closer against his body and wrapped his arms around my waist while holding me tightly. This was actually so cute and romantic that my corrupted part almost disappeared. The little part that was still there just reminded me of its existence.

Now, at this moment, right here, I felt the sudden urge to tell him about my crush. But I didn't do it at all. I decided that this hug was a hug between two good friends. Because every hug that someone gives you could be the last one — especially when you don't know if the person likes you the same way you like them.

I tried moving backwards, but Apollo just put his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. He was still pulling me close.
Not so close that I got claustrophobic, but close enough to make me feel good and happy again. He clearly knew how to express his feelings properly — something I still couldn't do.
But what others wouldn't say when thinking of a hug between friends was the weird feeling about kissing him. I mean, our heads literally touched. There were probably not even two inches between our mouths.
It was so hard for me to not move my head and just do something that could either be the end of everything or the beginning of something new.

I now understood that loving someone and getting into a relationship meant to take risks and not be afraid of getting disappointed. That was actually what I was afraid of: the disappointment when he told me that he didn't love me at all.
And while some people can still be friends after this, I could never. I couldn't even look at him anymore.

That's why it was important to keep it a secret as long as possible.

I finally got out of the hug. I just looked at Apollo with some kind of sadness in the eyes while all he did was stare at me without any recognizable emotions in his face.
And since I was still sitting ON him instead of next to him, the urge to just kiss him and forget about everything what I promised myself was so big that I had big problems to resist.

"What are you thinking?" He asked quietly.
The broken silence between us made a difference and the urge of kissing him just grew even more.
I put one hand on his shoulder and looked down at his chest.
"I'm thinking that I feel really sorry for not telling you about it." I said. I wanted to be honest with him and not just find some weird excuses.

Apollo nodded. "Then why did you hug me and-..." He stopped.
I knew what he wanted to say... he was about to say that I sat down on his lap and that I still sitting there.

I just sighed. I sighed against his freaking chest that looked like a piece of art.
"I felt guilty..." I said. "Guilty for not telling you. But I honestly can't. It might cost us both a lot, and I don't want to loose that."

"I understand." Apollo answered.
He put his hand on my back and gently pulled me closer again. So close that our lips did almost touch.
So close that our noses did indeed touch earth other, so close that I could finally see his eyes from extremely near, so close that I could feel his heartbeat on my chest.
His heart was pounding fast, really fast.

So fast that I got distracted while staring at his eyes and feeling the beat at the same time.

After a while, we both stood up. Apollo was looking up and me and blushing a little.
"We should probably go back to the house. It's almost dark here."
I nodded and started walking towards the house, but he grabbed my hand.

"Furina..." He said. "C-can you please stay here for a moment?"

[1608 words]