"Church girl, don't hurt nobody.."
Pastor's wife trapped in an arranged marriage with repressed feelings about her sexuality. She's always been able to keep a great poker face but what happens when she meets, Beyoncé..
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"—I know I was wrong but how could she do that?!" I ranted to my therapist as she allowed to pace back and forth inside her office.
"Obviously this has hurt you deeply so does it make you feel any less doubt that these feelings are real?" She questioned.
"Of course! I know that denying is no longer an option. I never doubted my love for her it had less to do with her and more to o with unlearning what I've been taught. I want to be able to live her and not revert to my old ways because of one comment.." I explained.
She nodded and flicked through her notebook.
"I remember having a similar realization with you during our last session. Why do you think you keep coming back to that realization but don't feel that you've progressed enough to make things right with her?"
"I-I'm scared. I don't want to mess up again because I'm not even sure I can get her forgiveness this time but I know I won't be able to get a second.."
"My best advice is to take it one day at a time. You're not perfect and I'm sure she recognizes that. You have to give yourself grace and forgive yourself because that's the only way you'll be able to receive any forgiveness from anyone else." She replied.
"So my question for you is, are you willing to forgive yourself for the things you've allowed to stop you from living your life?" She asked.
______ After the session...
"And why should I help you after you broke my best friend's heart?!" Kelly yelled harshly, into the phone after I explained my entire plan to her.
"Y-You're right. I didn't think of that. I'm so sorry—" I cut myself off as her laughter echoed through the speaker. I removed the phone from my ear and stared at it intently before placing it back on my ear.
"Chelle I'm just playing! I'll meet you at the airport and we can go there together to get your woman back!"
"Why would you play like that?!"
"It was funny! Besides I did have to mess with you a least a little considering you're breaking up with people on their birthday.." She teased again.
"You know what! I'll see you when you get to the airport.."
After a three hours flight from Houston to New York, Kelly and I stepped off on a mission. After speaking with my therapist I realized that I was never going to be as ready as I thought I would be.
I knew I wanted Beyoncé back but I also knew that it wouldn't be easy. Regardless of the grand gesture I had planned I needed to be prepared to move on her terms. I also needed to prepare for the inevitable drama that would stem from her situation with her co-headliner.
