Lady Boss

Chapter 9

Sometimes I wonder why I was born. 

Sometimes I wonder why I had such a life.

 And I know I'm not the only one who experienced what happened to me. 

Rape is a very horrible thing. It's hard to get past that.

 When it first happened... I didn't know how to feel. I wanted to kill myself.

 I never liked it when I looked in the mirror. I would always see that pathetic girl who was taken advantage of and didn't know how to defend herself. 

Sometimes I wonder why he did that. At the time I thought he was my dad, but honestly it's a little easier for me now that they're not my parents.

 I never even called him dad, always father. He never got my respect. 

Every now and then I wonder if I'm the only one he's done this to. What if I wasn't the only target.

 I always wondered why my mother always told me how fat I was. How I don't have a perfect figure, how I shouldn't eat, how I eat too much and how nothing suits me. 

Otherwise, I wouldn't care if someone said such things to me, but I considered her the person who gave birth to me. Today, to me, she was nothing more than an ordinary woman who does not deserve my respect. 

I always wondered why they don't like me. 

Now I know because I was just a nuisance to them, anyway they only looked after me because they had money from me that they received from child protection.

 Of course, that money went to other purposes...

I lay on my bed and thought. 

It was already 3 in the morning. 

My thoughts, as usual, did not give me peace. I tossed and turned on the bed, but I couldn't sleep at all. I used up my sleeping pills and it's stupid of me to ask for a new one. 

They returned home around 10 in the evening and everyone immediately went to sleep. 

Briar and I spent some time at her place yesterday after school because I knew I would be home alone. Briar is very good, loves volleyball and trains it as well as leads the section on nature and animal conservation.

 Briar lives not so far from the school and is very close to Oscar's house. They even live in the same block. 

10 minutes from us.

 She and I played volleyball at her place and I taught her to play chess.

 Chess is a game that I just love. Where logic is used, while playing it I forget about everything and focus only on that.

 Briar didn't know how to play chess and she didn't even wanted learn, she said it was too complicated for her.

 When I saw that Oscar and his sisters had returned home, I went to mine.

 I arrived a little before my family. When they arrived, no one ate anything, they all went to their rooms, but what blew me away was that each of my brothers hugged me. 

 It means lot to me

And so I still can't sleep, and when I looked at the clock I saw that it was already 5 in the morning.

 I know how to trap myself in my thoughts. 

I got up because I know I won't be able to sleep. I got dressed for school and packed my backpack