Blade

20 - Battle of the Mind

There was no scream this time. Just the sound of my breathing gone haywire.

I was drenched in sweat, and even my blanket wasn't spared from the soaking. Fear made my heart thunder four times faster than its normal pace, but there was something else… An intense pain burning in my chest.

It could've just been the uneven breathing causing this uncomfortability, but I could tell this was different. It was so intense that my eyes watered and I groaned in pain, fisting the collar of my PJs.

Tears ran down my face. Hot, panicked tears. I was going to die!

Andrew's voice cackled with derisive laughter.

Oh, your death will not be this easy, little sister…

I squirmed in discomfort, unable to yell for help.

It was too much. I couldn't take it anymore. Every breath felt like I was scraping knives across my throat.

Please no! Make it stop. I desperately pleaded, but nothing happened.

What was I thinking? Of course nothing would happen. I had to make things happen myself…

With my hand still glued to my chest, I crawled out of bed, eventually crashing to the ground. I hit my night light as I came down, and it crashed along with me, the glass shattering into a dozen pieces.

I yelped as pain erupted all over me! I had fallen right on the shards, and I could feel blood gushing from my left leg, the same one Andrew had shattered in the dream.

All I could do was cry and whimper in pain. Why couldn't he just kill me if that was what he wanted. I couldn't take the torment anymore. I couldn't…

My eyes caught a particularly large shard of glass that was lying next to my face. At that moment, something happened in my head, like some hidden button had been pushed.

Do it.

Came Andrew's voice in reply to my dangerous thoughts.

Trust me. What I have in mind is so much worse. Wouldn't it be better if you just end it now?

Yes. It was better. At least I would have some semblance of control over how it ended. I wouldn't have to endure the torment from school, Mr. Frederick, Andrew…Dad wouldn't have to spend so much on ‘useless me’. Xander would be more than happy to have me out of the way. Mum would have less things to worry about… It would be better for everyone, and easier for me.

Tears poured non-stop across my face. I needed the pain to stop so bad. I was tired…

I rolled slowly, biting down on my lip against the pain in my leg. I could do this. All it would take was a cut in the right artery, and after some minutes, it would be over.

My right hand trembled as I gripped the glass shard.

It terrified me, what I was about to do…

It's the only way…

I sobbed harder. And no one cared enough to stop me…

Well, they wouldn't care if I died either.

I gripped the shard tighter, blood seeping from the cut that was forming in my palm.

Leaning on my left elbow, I bared my wrist, staring at the juicy vessels visible through my pale skin.

Be strong, Rachel. It won't take long…

I snatched up a handkerchief from my bedside cupboard, momentarily dropping the shard to tie the cloth between my teeth and knot it behind my head.

Good. Now no one would hear me scream… Not that they would come to my rescue anyway.