Blade

21 - Losing Control

Pain dominated my senses as my brother held me tighter.

"Xander!" I yelped.

He let go at my exclamation.

I caught my balance on the crutches, taking a deep breath to fight against the nausea that now plagued me. It only got worse.

I found my way back to the bed, barely aware of Xander half-carrying me along the way. I sat, wincing at the pain in my leg.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked.

I shot him a glare.

"Sorry. That was a stupid question," he said. "Is there...something I can do...?"

"Painkillers," I breathed. "They're on the table."

Xander dashed away, and I was in too much pain to realize we were actually talking to each other, like normal siblings!

He returned with the pills and my bottle of water. I swallowed two in one gulp, breathing rhythmically while waiting for the medicine to take effect.

"Why are you here?" I asked him, grinding my teeth against the pain.

Xander sighed.

"Is it so wrong to want to see my sister after so long?" he asked.

I scoffed, taking another drink from the water bottle, not from necessity but from nervousness.

"Oh. If I had known trying to kill myself would make you remember you have a sister, I would've done it earlier," I told him.

He was silent where he stood. I could feel him watching me, but I kept my head low, staring at the bandages wrapped around my leg.

The awkwardness was back. I shouldn't have expected us to be normal with each other for longer than that.

I heard Xander sigh deeply.

"I know you hate me. Go ahead and yell at me. I deserve it."

I looked up at him. Was he for real?

He looked serious enough...

I looked down again.

"I don't hate you," I told him truthfully. "Sincerely, I don't blame you. It's my fault for being so weird and problematic..."

" Don't say that," Xander interrupted.

"Why not?" I chuckled bitterly. "I am problematic. Just last week I threw our entire family into chaos. I'm insane. It's okay if you're ashamed of me."

My brother came to sit next to me.

"I'm not ashamed of you, Rachel. You're a genius, a straight A student, which is more than what I can say for myself. Why would I be ashamed of you? Being an albino, doesn't make you any less than others."

I winced.

To my surprise, Alexander took my chin and turned me to face him. I looked into his brown eyes.

"In my opinion, you are unique and beautiful."

I slapped his hand away.

"No, I'm not..."

" Says who?" he asked. I looked back at him, about to snap at him, but I couldn't come up with what to say. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Go ahead. Who says you're not beautiful?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. I didn't need anyone to confirm that. Besides, Sean had called me ugly once, even though that had been in kindergarten...

"Is there a reason you came here?" I snapped. I was not at all comfortable with this conversation.

"I wanted to apologize," he admitted. "Maybe if I had been a better brother, you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself..."