LET ME GO, SO I CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE!

Song was her name. It was like a sad song she often hummed on windy roads. Song liked to stir her coffee slowly, then lift the cup to her eye, gazing into the cold darkness. She always believed that one day she could see through that coffee and find him.

Yết was his name. Cold as an iced tea, except when he smiled. Yết always believed that Song would never see him through a cup of coffee. Both the present and the future proved him right.

Yết had a girlfriend. Song still sat at the sidewalk cafe every day, waiting for an afternoon rain. But really, she was waiting for him. So she wouldn't have to look into his eyes anymore. Yet, she tried to remember every word he said, as if forgetting even a moment meant losing a piece of the puzzle that was his life, in her own thoughts.

Yết said he didn't understand why he always felt comfortable and at ease with Song. Sometimes, he forgot that Song was a girl, needing her own space. Not to mention, Yết was well aware of Song's feelings for him. At times like that, Song would think: "Why can't I control these emotions that well up when I'm next to him?"

Once, Song asked Yết:

"What am I to you?"

She received a coffee date filled with more silence than ever. Song caught a glimpse of disappointment in Yết's eyes when she turned and met his gaze by accident. She couldn't contain her trembling the day she first sat across from him.

That night, she was convinced that Yết was the man of her destiny. She laughed like a madwoman on the balcony in the flickering light.
For a long time, Song was like a living corpse waiting for her heart to beat again; like a rusty gate no longer opened.

Song believed that somewhere within her was a forgotten energy source, only a new love could illuminate and unlock. Song worked tirelessly just to prove it.

But Yết's prolonged silence made Song realize she was wrong. She easily reverted to the familiar feeling of drifting through life. Hungry, she'd eat alone. Sad, she'd sit idly and book movie tickets online late at night. Song felt lost like someone who accidentally shattered a beloved vase.

Then Yết returned to his usual self. The same comfort and carefreeness as if nothing had happened. Song was surprised at herself for not feeling joy or hope for the energy she once misunderstood. Yết met her every day, still ordering two iced black coffees.

The only difference was that Yết no longer sipped his coffee slowly. He drank it in one go, then filled the cup, now only ice, with the pale tea served on the side. Yết was always the one asking Song about everything in her life. So much so that Song forgot that sometimes she should ask about his.

"What am I to you?" Song repeated the question, knowing she would still get his silence.

"A friend."
"With all that care?"
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"I thought it only belonged to love."
"Then you should relearn how to love and how to care for friends."
"So I was mistaken?"
"You're not mistaken about your feelings. You're mistaken about my feelings for you."
"There's more?"
"Girls are always foolish!"
"You're too much!"
"Yeah, so what?"

Then Song laughed like a madwoman, no longer keeping any decorum in front of Yết. Contrary to her thoughts, Yết sat quietly and picked up the glass of iced tea. But he didn't drink; he handed it to her.

"Look through this glass of tea at me."
"Why?"
"Just do it."
"Okay."
"What do you see?"
"I see you, pale and blurry."
"Then why do you still try to look at me through that black coffee cup?"
"I like it!"
"Isn't your life dark enough already?"
"Who said you're the darkness?"
"Because you never live in the present. You're always holding onto your past, painting an absurd future."
"Is that how you see me?"
"One minute and thirty seconds is all it takes to understand."
"Wrong!"
"Girls are always foolish!"

Yết always had a way of ending a conversation with shocking remarks. So fast that Song didn't have time to feel hurt before she burst out laughing at his blunt words.

Song vaguely realized that she was the one tying herself to those chaotic emotions. Emotions that smelled like incense. Song loved his image from behind. It painted a man she had searched for her whole life.

But as soon as Yết turned around, she felt suffocated because he brought the exhausting and burdensome life she always wanted to escape.

"What are you staring at? My handsome looks will wear out."
"You're too confident! I'm looking through you to see my life now."
"Like how you look through that black coffee to see me?"
"Why do you always enjoy infuriating others?"
"That's just who I am. So what?"
"I mean, you're as realistic as numbers. When I first met you, I thought I'd have a different life..."
"Should I buy you a lottery ticket?"
"You're already the jackpot!"
"But from a different lottery, right? Haha!"
"You're so fated!"
"Just kidding. If you keep drifting like this, what will happen to you, Song?"
"Then you'll pull me back down to earth!"
"Don't get your hopes up! Haha!"
"You're such a..."
"A rare find that comes once in a thousand years? A lucky charm that makes you feel comfortable and energized when kept close or in your room?"
"Shameless!"
"If you dare, block me on Facebook, unfriend me!"
"If that makes you happy!"
"Song, you'll never grow up if you keep floating like this."
"Who can change a person's nature?"
"You're wrong to call it nature. It's just a precious part of you, but only a little. Yet you overuse it, leaving you drenched like a cat in the rain, making others feel pity..."
"Pity?"
"Don't use your old life experiences and perceptions to look at problems. It's pessimistic and far from reality."
"Maybe I shouldn't meet you anymore!"
"If that makes you happy!"
"You know I'll never be happy!"
"Then stop whining and complaining!"
"Why don't you understand me?"
"Because I understand you too well, that's why I say it! Only you don't understand yourself."
"Can you let me go?"
"Why?"
"So I can get a boyfriend!"
"See? Delusional, right? I've never held or taken anything from you!"
"What do you call what you're doing then?"
"Drinking iced tea!"
"You're really terrible!"
"It's a trademark! Haha"

In that moment, Song believed the present she was experiencing was precious when sitting with that man. The man she had grown to love when looking at him from behind would never belong to her life as she had dreamed on that night sitting on the balcony.

But Yết wouldn't go anywhere. Because he came to keep her in the vision through the iced tea glass, though pale and blurry, Song still saw a shape. Not the icy blackness she tried to see through the coffee cup each windy afternoon....