Pursuing from the Shore (Sun Rays #2)

Chapter 17

Trigger Warning: mention of suicidal thoughts & self-harm.

Entry: Redler's Archive

How dare you, siren-eyed guy. Really. How could you like me that way? And why do you have to be so loud about it? It's annoying... and yet, somehow, it makes my chest feel weird. Like, is this what falling for someone feels like?

You're more precious than I thought. Stop being so obvious with it, please. I can't handle how your hands draw me like I'm some masterpiece.

I think... I'm falling for you.

If I ever fell, I wanted to believe we'd catch each other, but knowing you, you'd probably tease me while doing it.

And if I suddenly stop writing, don't think I forgot you. It's just me, pausing, and trying to figure out if I can survive feeling this much for someone who makes me feel all over the place.

Gosh. You're impossible. I wanted to fall for you.

— aredgate

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Chapter 17

"Happy birthday, Red! Where's Renz?" Edorina greeted me as soon as she entered the gate. Nakipag-beso pa siya sa akin at mahigpit akong niyakap.

"Thank you, Edo. I'm glad you came," I said, hugging her, as we hop along like excited kids. "Nando'n si Renz, he's with his friends. Come in."

"Sorry late!" I heard Asther's voice from the outside. He was running while waving his hand.

"Bilis!" tawag ko bago siya tumawid sa kalsada at lumapit sa amin.

I guided both of them as we proceeded to go to the backyard where we are currently celebrating Renz's and my 19th birthday. Yup, we are now one year ahead before turning our twenties pero Grade 11 pa lang kami.

When Renz and I were kids in Russia, we had an uncommon start to grade school at the age of six since we were forced to repeat kindergarten twice. It took us two years to complete that phase because both of us were having trouble learning things. Kaya ngayon, dapat ay Grade 12 na kaming dalawa, na-late lang talaga.

Hindi pa kami nakakalapit ay naririnig ko na ang videoke na sobrang ingay. I insisted to Mama na huwag na kaming mag-videoke pero hindi lang naman ako ang laging masusunod. Renz was the one who abruptly suggested that we should celebrate since he's going to invite his friends too.

Magkahiwalay ang table ng circle ko sa circle ni Renz. My bandmates are already there, eating, while singing along. Si Conan ang kasalukuyang kumakanta sa videoke.

"Edorina, halika!" Ate Mioree called when we approached their table.

"Hi! It's been a while!" bati niya pabalik.

Asther was then greeted by the boys. They were really getting along. I glanced at Renz's circle, mas madami pa sila kumpara sa 'min na iisa lang ang table.

"Red, here's my gift for you. Sure akong magugustuhan mo 'yan." Edo clung her arm around mine as I reached for the small black paper bag she gave me. Ang taray, Prada.

My lips parted before hugging her. "Thank you, Edo. Ano 'to?"

"Mamaya mo na buksan! Let's sing!"

It was already past 8 PM pero masigla pa rin ang paligid. Kumakain lang kami sabay kwentuhan ng kung ano-ano. Palinga-linga ako sa table nina Renz dahil ang ingay nila roon. I was also observing my twin. Seeing how he get along with them genuinely with his laughter, I couldn't help but feel an extreme worry as I remembered how he fight his inner struggle.