𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐘, carrington

003. innocent

january 9, 2024
C A R R I N G T O N

NOW PLAYING:
DEAD TO ME
k. uchis

i let out a deep sigh after finishing her new album. i've been sitting in my room for the last hour listening and analyzing each song, and it was easy to tell they were all about me.

i wish i could tell her why i broke up with her, she would understand it. i knew i hurt her, i really know i did but these songs gave me a whole new understanding of her perspective.

but what hurt me the most was the fans, but not her fans i could handle that (plus i know i deserved the hate). my fans were coming at her, and i knew stacy was partly to blame but it seriously made me upset.

people calling her rude words, sending death threats to her, saying she's the one in the wrong, that i'm the victim. that i (me, carrington) am the victim.

i didn't know if i should say something, but what would i even say, oh hi yeah it's all my fault by the way. they would never believe me though thinking camila said something to me.

i miss my girl, my baby, my cami. however i can't say that word anymore, that stupid one syllable, two letter word. my she's not mine, not anymore.

it's my fault and i can't recognize this enough. i feel like saying something isn't my place. i can't involve myself with her, not anymore.

the whole album was upsetting for me, knowing she was going through such a thing because of me, and because i wasn't there to help her through it.

hearing what was i made for? made me cry, she was in such a weak and emotional state after i broke up with her, i can't believe i did that.

and the haters were relentless at that time, finding every and any way to hate on her. i'm not surprised she dropped a album about me but i am a little.

bringing me back into the conversation after all she went through, she's brave. i've always admired her for that.

my favorite song in the album had to be lacy. i know it's about stacy and i shouldn't be saying this but i'm not even sure why i keep up with her.

i know that camila knew releasing this song would be risky to release but she did. and i can only see this ending one way, with stacy blowing up.

i hope she comes to me first, but knowing her she most likely won't. i need to calm her down before she over reacts and does something drastic like usual.

speak of the devil, sad beautiful tragic pauses on my phone when stacy starts calling me. i knew she had her the album.

i sigh and think about letting it ring for a moment, but ultimately deciding to answer it. "hell-" i get cut off by stacy's screaming through the phone.

i can't really understand what she's saying but i can tell it's about camila and lacy. i roll my eyes and lay back into my bed, turning my phone to the lowest volume.