The Door Number 28

Chapter IX

I already made it out and now what? I said to myself once again without knowing for sure, that I, to tell the truth I lacked such an answer, I began a light walk I don't know what else to do, I am on the verge of madness, I have absolutely no mood for anything else, walking aimlessly I do in the form of a fold or maybe zipzap I am looking for what I don't know, all at some point in our life we wander aimlessly, without knowing for sure where we are going, strangely and in a parallel case this seemed to be a circumstance of equal sensation. 

I thought, I could swear that that door was the same one through which I entered at the beginning, everything absolutely everything had something quite peculiar, it was as if it was repeating the same scene, that did not make sense, nothing here does, an advantage is that there are no doors now or at least that I could notice, I do not know if it is good for a door to go out, or bad a door and horrors to see, I began to question if I would really get out of here, it is like a labyrinth, but worse, with unknowns and with more than one bitter drink, how valuable life can be in moments where it is already scarce to possess, the ruins of those vague thoughts, will corrupt the mind to the point of irreparable damage. 

I can't believe it, I began to philosophize with myself, it's funny, that before I didn't even pay attention to my own existence, to tell the truth it was totally vain without any foundation and now I try to justify it by the mere fact of wanting to fight for my survival, how ironic is life, what irony I'm going through I said to myself, for the moment, I took short steps with my eyes still lost, without any hope, maybe with the blinded crying, I ran into a fountain, one of those that disperse the water inside the places, that are usually in the schools and even in the universities, how strange, I looked at it surprised, it was totally dry without water, but next to it there was still a puddle, with water that did not look cloudy on the contrary it was quite clear...

I was speechless, the monologue with myself had been extinguished, I do not know how much time passed but I was on my knees, it can not be, I lay down instantly, I did not think it would happen again, I left this place, I laughed, I thought it was a simple moment of fear, of anguish and it came to an end, I am technically close to the puddle, I lower my face once again to get closer and closer, to top it off the water is quite calm, it's funny, the water is calm and I'm in a chaos on the verge of losing my mind, if not I don't have it anymore and for several minutes and to say several if they were enough, it can't be that I don't feel my face there. 

I was cold, I am stunned, it was as if I did not have my own identity, I touched the puddle the water moved, I thought I found a solution to one of my doubts however it was not like that, although I wanted to but now I did not feel my hands wet, it can not be I said in trance mode, I do not know if it was a product of the same fear or uncertainty, quickly and without thinking much I went back lying on the ground away from the puddle, this can not be it can not be really happening.

I didn't want to get closer once more, it was as if I didn't want to face what was really happening then, I just want to, I don't know what I want, I don't know what is happening, I started to laugh, I'm on the verge of dementia that's for sure, my laughter intensified. My hands were shaking, I was hyperventilating, I put my hands between my face and quickly I could notice how a tear or two escaped from my eyes, I had never given it so much importance, I could not even see my life in a significant way, my mind again as if I needed it or if it was a vile plan I quickly passed multiple images of what had happened behind the doors of the previous rooms, the horrors I felt inside the walls and what I cried in the corridors.

I sobbed, I threw myself on the ground, I saw the sky, I saw nothingness, I dissociated my reality, now I am condemned, like those who also usually lie to themselves, like everything that surrounds us, it cannot be true, I started humming, then smiling, to finally let the tears take away what I thought I had, what once stayed with me, my so called sanity or normality, it is as if I am resigned, this is not and cannot be a place, not even my happy ending, something that I am sure that what is decreed in my last state of normality, is how our life will be defined later, there is no turning back, it is the state, it is the moment of today, of yesterday and of what perhaps was and can never be done again, the longing for what was not had, the sadness of what was not achieved, the regret of what was lost that was not valuable, everything that was presumed to be valuable and invaluable in the blink of an eye and to its fate left.

I lost something more than my sanity, the notion of time, my discomfort of lying down, the ants stung me, I don't know, it's like a strange itch all over my body, my face and all that place that could be mine, I stood up with regret, dragging my feet staggering and humming, I took light steps, at this moment nothing should matter to me, until from far away, I visualize a corridor, with a dim light, I close my eyes, I pretend disinterest, there is nothing new, I have already seen everything and what I wanted to see has not been possible, to advance in the same way there is no other way, there is no hurry and looking at the light becomes stronger and stronger.

My steps shorten, I stand still, upright, staring at a room without a door but inside there is a radiant light, it is a completely different state, I can feel it, but also inside me I know that there will not be or what I want, cruelly but ultimately if it is so.

I am standing in front of the blinding light, it is powerful, it is bright, it is more than a room, I walk and I integrate myself to its vast interior, it is a room, very illuminated, it has nothing extraordinary, it is not something uncommon, until now everything was normal, in tranquility and calm, going deeper, more and more, I can notice that more than a room it became like a corridor, the more I walked the narrower it became and the light in my opinion diminishes with the advance of my steps.

I continue in that straight line path without deviating from the road, without thinking too much, without distracting myself, it is only the road that becomes narrower and my existence with nothing, no one else around me, the loneliness, darkness in its path, that unrecognizable thing looming, it will be nothing else, nothing new that I will see, I said so to myself, shortening the path, at this moment, and to see what else is expected, I am in front of a door, at this moment it is one different from all the others, in width and size, in color and shape, even in number sure if I can tell, in this door is the number twenty-eight.