We're Not Related Anymore...

Think About Things Clearly

Jacob: Three Years Ago

"I'm guessing she's the real reason you gave up Princeton," my mom says coldly as we leave Maddie's room. I thought we'd put that specific chapter behind us, but I was wrong. It's obviously a wound that's been reopened in the light of the new revelations. 

I go straight into my room, following Maddie's movements and putting my things into bags. I'm not thinking about what I'm doing. All I know is that everyone's mad. Madder than I ever thought they would be. And now there's that video. Please let it get taken down, I pray, remembering Maddie's face when she saw it. Humiliation, shame, regret. One of our most intimate and precious moments put out for all the world to see. I should've made sure we left the library sooner. I should've been more careful. 

"She's your stepsister," my mom continues, taking the duffel bag I've just pulled out from under my bed. "How could you have ever done this? And so publicly? What is wrong with you?"

I grab the bag from her with force. She stumbles back, her face an indecipherable mask. 

"I'm talking to you," she says and when I open my closet, she closes it with such strength that I almost lose my fingers. "Tell me, something, Jacob? What are you two going to do now? Are you going to run away with her? Life doesn't work like that. You can't do bad things and think you'll get away with it. Look at what happened with your father."

"This is not the same thing," I say, finally losing patience with her. "He committed a crime and all I've done is fall in love."

"Oh so it's love, is it?" She says and starts laughing hysterically. "Because that just makes it all a breeze, right? Well, I'll tell you something, honey. It's love right now because your lives are easy. But out in the real world, you won't be feeling all rainbows and hearts for each other. Tell me, do you think you'll still love her when you're working two part-time jobs to put a roof over your head? And forget about school, you won't have the time, the money or the energy for it. There go all of your dreams and, suddenly, you're not the person she fell in love with, and you no longer love her because guess what, you chose her over everything and she wasn't worth it."

"Don't fucking presume to know what we think or feel. Maybe you and Keegan are selfish enough to be like that but Maddie and I are different," I say just about spitting in her face. 

"So now you're bringing my marriage into this? Very mature, Jacob. I can see you're fighting your battles like a real man."

"Why can't I bring your marriage into this? I mean, as your child I'm supposed to follow from your lead, right? You fuck a married man but I can't be with his daughter? That seems fair."

"Don't." She's so angry. She clenches her fists together and I wonder if she's going to throw something at me again like she did when I told her I wasn't going to Princeton. I still have the bruise on my shoulder. But she doesn't. She closes her eyes and audibly counts to ten. I roll my eyes at her and continue to pack my things. 

When she's done counting, she speaks again, her tone level. "You're right. I haven't led a good example. Neither has your father. But you need to understand something here, Jacob, you're going to make your life unreasonably hard if you just up and leave. Maddie's too. No one knows it was you in that video which means we can lessen the impact of what happened-"

"Except she's still very much in the video," I interrupt. "It's a fuck-up either way. Just let us leave."

"Or you can stay here and allow this to pass over. We're already working on taking it down. All you guys have to do is end your relationship and then-"

"And then what? Spend the rest of our lives awkwardly sitting next to each other every holiday, pretending like we weren't once together. Do you just expect us to live like that? Playing pretend and lying and-"

"What about her Jacob? What about how people perceive her? It's bad enough that there's a video of her going around the internet but we can spin that. We lie and say it wasn't you. We'll say the video was taken out of context and was a means of harassment. But if people dig deeper and find out it was you in that video? It looks a whole lot worse Jacob. It becomes a whole different can of worms and these things don't just go away because love conquers all. This will follow her everywhere she goes for the rest of her life and the only thing you can do right now is at least try and make the situation better."

"What do you mean?" I ask, my voice rough. I stop packing and once she sees she finally has my attention, she strides toward me, like she's pacing in a courtroom. 

"You two stay here and we do damage control. That video set out to make Maddie look bad. But we can spin it." She repeats her earlier words as her plan starts taking form in her mind. I can almost see it like she's speaking it into existence. "We'll say she drank some spiked punch and wasn't in her right mind then some kids decided to pull a prank and film her. We'll make her look like the victim and hope everyone forgets about it in a month or two." 

"And what if we leave?" I ask, wondering who took and posted the video in the first place. None of this would've been an issue if weren't for them. When I find who did it, I swear to God...

"Then you'll confirm the rumors about you being the one she's hooking up with in the video. These things don't just go away. We might be able to get it taken down. It might already be, considering it violates Instagram's regulations, but there are probably a number of people who have saved that video. And every time someone looks her up because she's applying for a job or maybe even for a school, it'll pop up and people won't bother to let her explain herself. They'll form their own opinion and it will ruin any chance she has of having a normal life."

She has to stop talking and take a breath. She's spoken so many words so quickly that she looks winded. I work my jaw as I think about what she's saying but she doesn't leave me to my own thoughts for long. 

"If you two just run away from this, you'll solve nothing. In fact, you'll just make things worse and harder. And then you'll find yourselves with nothing. No family, no home, and no college education that you've worked so hard for. And I mean it, Jacob, if you walk out those doors then that's it. You'll never be welcome in this house again. I'll disown you and you'll get no help from me concerning that video."

"So that's it, then? We either end things and stay here or you leave her to the wolves?" 

I don't even bother mentioning the disowning part. If anything, that part sounds like an incentive. If I'm not her son anymore, I'm free to be with Maddie.

"Don't twist this on me like I'm the one to blame. You're the one who got into this mess. This is how you get out of it: by ending what you started." 

The ultimatum hangs in the air between us. I just need time. Just a little more time to think things through.