We're Not Related Anymore...

A Promise

Jacob: Present Day

Maddie hands me the stack of letters and neither one of us can look at each other. She shuffles over to her bed and takes a seat on the edge. I go over and sit down next to her, fiddling with the letters as I do. I never expected to see these again and now that I'm holding them, I'm almost embarrassed by the vague memory of what I once wrote.

"Well, go on," Maddie says, her feet shuffling anxiously. I look up at her. Her brown hair is down and it covers her face. I reach out, tucking it behind her ear so that I can see her face. Her cheeks are pink and I'm glad she feels as nervous as I do.

My flowers are still around her room. When I walked in, I even saw one was laid out on her pillow. I lean back and reach for it, handing it to her. She takes it and I see a flash of her teeth as she fights a smile.

Looking down at the letters, I see the envelopes have been torn open. "Did you read them already?" I ask, sliding out the first one and unfolding the paper.

"No. My dad had. He was going to give them back to me. He wanted to apologize for what happened before he died. Did you know that?" I vaguely recall Keegan calling me up one day at college. I hadn't thought much about it and then the next day he was dead.

"I didn't know but I'm glad he was going to. How'd it make you feel when you found out?"

She blows out a breath, twirling the daisy in her fingers. "I was relieved. It made me feel like I had some closure. Now, stop stalling and start reading."

I laugh at her call-out and smooth the paper down over my thighs. I've always wanted her to know the things I'd written but reading them out loud... I clear my throat.

"Maddie," I begin. "You've been gone two days now. I've been trying to reach you in any way I can but both your mom and Tessa have told me to leave you alone. I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry I didn't take your threat seriously. I'm sorry I didn't leave with you like I said I would. But mostly I'm sorry I ever made you feel so alone that your only solution was leaving like that in the middle of the night."

Maddie hangs her head down, shifting just a little bit closer to me as I continue reading.

"With you gone, I've had time to think. I never treated you right. Not once. There were so many things I could've done for you that I didn't. I still think about the time you were roofied. I should've said something, done something more. I was sure Betty's cousin was the one who'd done it but because I had no proof, I let it go.

"Then there are other situations I think about and I realize how often I let you down. If I could go back in time, I'd change everything. I'd be a better man, one deserving of you. I would speak up and defend you. I wouldn't let people get away with talking down to you or making you feel less than you are. But I can't go back in time and change things. I wish I knew where you were. But even if I did, I don't know if I could say these words to you."

"Is that it?" She asks when I finish reading. I nod my head. "Read another one," she demands.

"You're so bossy," I tease but my whole body is shaking as I put that one aside and slide out the next piece of paper. "Maddie, today was my first day of college. It should've been a great day but you weren't there..."

I read another two letters without her once saying anything more. Before I start the next one, I look up at her and see her wiping at her cheek. "What's wrong?" I ask, wondering if I've upset her with something I've read.

"I never knew... I never knew you regretted what you did. If I had just waited like you'd asked..."

"You weren't wrong, Maddie," I say, taking the papers off my lap and kneeling down in front of her by the foot of the bed. "I would've chickened out and we would've gone back to pretending that nothing happened because that's what I thought would've been the best. I was a coward back then but things are different now." I reach up and wipe away a lonely tear.

"What's changed?"

"I have. If you give me another chance, Maddie, I promise you I'll be someone deserving of you. I won't walk away or keep the things I think to myself. I won't let anyone else treat you badly or hurt you. Please just give me another chance."

She slides her hands over my shoulders and then over my chest. "Read the next letter."

I nod, picking it up from where I left it on the bed. I read it on the floor, looking up at her every once in a while to see her reaction.

"Maddie, I thought time would lessen what I felt for you. Everyone says what we had wasn't real. But they're wrong. I still think about you all the time..."

We spend hours in her hotel room with the letters. I'm not really aware of the time passing but at some point, we end up tangled on top of her duvet, the letters between us as we stare into each other's eyes.

She looks at me sleepily before her eyes close and she falls asleep at last. I follow her shortly and then it's just us, my letters, and the one thousand yellow daisies surrounding us.