Stevie felt weak in the knees as she stood in the doorway of the nursery, eyes following her mother around as she packed things into cardboard boxes.
She was only taking a few things- some toys, some clothes, a couple of blankets, but the rest, she was leaving to reside in the pink bedroom at Stevie's Venice Beach home.
She had decorated the bedroom when she was still very pregnant with Penny, but she did it all beautifully. She wanted it to be special and of course, it was. It felt like a sliver of peace in a world of chaos... Everything that she had hoped to give her children, but apparently didn't succeed at.
"This is for the best, TeeDee." Barbara repeated the same thing she had said for the last couple of weeks- ever since they'd gotten back to California and started piecing things back together.
It was hard- the hardest thing any of them had ever done. And to help Stevie and Lindsey grieve properly, Jess, Barbara and Ruth all stayed close so they didn't have to spend too much time alone... It was helpful but it didn't make it any easier, not when they knew that by the end of that trip, Penny would be taken too.
"Whatever you say." Stevie didn't think it was for the best... She thought the best thing for a baby was for her to be with her mother, but that wasn't an option for her. "When will I get to see her again?" She wondered, wrapping her shawl around herself a little bit more as a form of comfort.
Barbara let out a deep sigh, hands falling down to her sides as she turned to face her daughter. "Not once did I say that I was keep her from you." She was standing by the accent chair, having just been packing onesies into a suitcase.
She was only taking what they needed and then planned to buy everything new once they arrived back to Arizona... She wasn't taking Stevie's daughter- she was just keeping her safe for the time being.
"I would never dream of depriving you of the opportunity to raise your baby." Barbara's voice was so soft, trying not to be harsh, but instead just needing to get through to her.
Things had been pretty rocky since the funeral and arguing with her was the last thing Barbara wanted to do. There had been plenty of that.
Stevie just nodded her head, tears lingering in her brown eyes as her gaze fell down to the furry white rug, where Penny had been playing so peacefully... She had no idea what was happening in the world around her and her mother was so thankful for that.
"Your father and I love you more than you will ever realize." Barbara told her, almost totally certain of it. "And we would never do something that we didn't think was right, Stevie." She had thought about that for hours upon hours and it was the only thing that seemed right. "You are not in your right state of mind right now and you need to get your bearings on before you can take care of someone else." She really didn't think Stevie could do it, not until she got sober, that is.
Biting down on her lower lip, she brought her hands up to her face to hide how upset she'd gotten. "But I'm really going to miss her." Her voice cracked as she continued to stare down at Penelope.
She had never loved anything more than she loved being their mom.
Barbara sank down into the chair, feeling as small as ant for doing the only thing that made sense. "I know you are, but she deserves a safe place to call home." She told her, not nearly as blunt as it sounded.
"Hey," Lindsey's hand met Stevie's side, unintentionally cutting off their conversation as he came up behind her.
Pushing herself away from the doorframe, she crossed her arms over her chest as she moved to one side to let him step into the room. "Hi." She mumbled, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
"There's my Penny girl." He cracked a weak smile when his eyes met hers from across the room.
He wasn't taking any of it very lightly either, but unlike Stevie, he knew that there was a better life waiting for Penelope in Arizona.
There was no doubt in his mind that Jess and Barbara could take care of her and love her, giving her everything that her parents couldn't at the time.
Their kids deserved the world and since they couldn't give their oldest that anymore, who were they to try and take it away from their youngest as well?
"Can I hold you?" He held out his two hands as he slowly trailed towards her. "Hey, there." He let out a soft chuckle when she held up her arms, giving him the most adorable smile. "You wanna say hi to your mommy?" He swept her up off the floor, immediately planting a kiss on her chubby cheeks.
Stevie let out a tear filled laugh, reaching out once they were close enough to tickle Penny's tummy. "Hi, my sweet angel." Her eyes studied the girls face, trying her best to remember every detail.
She knew Penny would never be that little again, so she wanted to make sure she had everything memorized... The brown eyes, the little smile, the button nose, long lashes and chunky cheeks.
She couldn't forget a single thing.
"Jess is back with your rental car." Lindsey slightly turned his head towards Barbara, letting her know that the time was getting down to the wire.
Her shoulders fell, nodding lightly. "We should probably get on the road to miss the afternoon rush." She announced as her hands met her legs before she began to push herself back up to stand.
Stevie's heart sank, never looking away from those identical eyes. "I'm going to miss you." Stevie told her daughter as she used her index finger to carefully trace the circumference of her face.
"You wanna hold her?" Lindsey started to pry Penelope off his side, but Stevie stopped him, shaking her head 'no.'
"I don't want to hold her, because I won't be able to let her go." Stevie admitted, watching Penelope's little hand wrap around her index finger. "I love you, baby girl." She whispered to her, slowly kissing Penelope's cheek. "I love you to the moon, around the sun, even mars and all the way back to your heart."
They didn't know how long it was going to be, but they knew how fast babies grow, and change. They both knew that their baby would be babbling, and maybe even walking by the time they saw her again.
"Alright, Mom." Stevie wiped her tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand, motioning for Lindsey to hand the baby over to her grandma.
"I love you with all my heart." Lindsey whispered into her ear.
And as soon as he handed her over to Barbara, almost like she knew too, a loud cry erupted through the room.... it was the cry of a baby that wasn't ready to leave her parents.
"Oh, it's okay, honey." Barbara slowly bounced the baby up and down, kissing her head to calm her down, but it wasn't working very well.
Stevie and Lindsey followed her down the stairs and out into the driveway, where Jess was waiting.
She didn't say a single word to him... She didn't have any. Instead, she half heartedly helped Barbara buckle Penelope up and then she stepped back.
It took everything in her to keep from grabbing her daughter and running back into the house, where she would lock the doors and never come out... She wanted her baby all to herself, but she had to understand that she had so much on her plate and Penelope needed something that her parents were unable to give her...
She needed Barbara and Jess, who were going to be her saving grace.
