"Open the door, Stevie." Lindsey jiggled the knob, shifting awkwardly as he stood outside her bedroom.
He had let himself into her home with the spare key that he never gave back, but he only did that because she hadn't answered calls in days and she missed their meeting at the studio, which wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary for her, but at that time, he didn't want to risk it.... She was too delicate.
"Come on, Stevie." He didn't mean to, but he couldn't really help it, so his open palm met the wood hard. "Just let me know you're okay in there." Lindsey sighed lightly, giving the knob one more good tug before he turned around.
He waited for a second, back pressed against the door as he tried to listen for movement on the other side... Nothing.
"This is tough," he admitted as he slowly began to use the door as leverage and slip down to the floor. "This is really tough, but we can make it through this together." Lindsey's voice grew much softer, trying to be more sympathetic than he had been a few minutes before.
He should have known coming in and demanding that she listen to what he had to say wouldn't work... It had never worked.
Biting down on his lower lip, he stared down at the wood floor as he stayed slouched back against the door. "I try talking to Carol Ann, but she doesn't understand." He admitted, tears lingering in his eyes.
They hadn't seen each other since Jess and Barbara took Penny to Arizona, so they hadn't really had a chance to talk about any of it... He didn't come over with the intention of spilling everything but he needed to.
"No one else in the entire world loves those kids as much as I do," he shrugged lightly, actually heartbroken by their situation. "No one, except for you." He really felt for her... It felt like they were the only two people in the entire world that understood what the other was going through. "And I'm sorry that things are going this way, but-" just as he was getting ready to finish his sentence, the door came open and since he'd relied on it to hold him up, he nearly fell backwards.
"What do you want?" Her voice was raspier than usual, but he had inkling of what was causing that right off the bat.
And of course, he wasn't too surprised that she was still in her silk nightgown, hair pulled back into a messy clip with no makeup on at four in the afternoon. Her eyes were so red from crying and tired from no rest, it shocked him that she could even see out of them.
He quickly started to push himself back up, a sigh of relief immediately escaping him to see that she was alright on the other side of that door. "No one has heard from you in days, baby." He didn't mean to call her that, but with the way he was feeling, he couldn't help it.
It took everything in him not to reach out and pull her into his arms... He thought it would be easier to figure it out together, but she would have hated that.
"Well as you can see," she motioned towards herself as she kept her forehead wrinkled. "I'm fine." She added with a soft shrug of her shoulders. "You can report back to everyone else and let them know." She didn't plan on answering any phone calls, so if they were all as worried as he made it out to be, he had to be the one to tell everyone.
Lindsey paused for a second, eyes roaming her face before they met her brown eyes once more. "Let's go downstairs and talk for awhile?" He wasn't ready to leave, not in the slightest.
Something about Stevie's presence made it feel better... Obviously it wasn't easier, but to be with her and in the house that they had started off their family together, it felt lighter.
"Um," she nodded lightly, even though she was kind of hesitant. "Sure." She mumbled, wrapping her robe around herself a little more.
She followed him down the hallway, neither of them saying a word as they traveled through the home they had purchased together during the ugliest part of their relationship... A home where they had planned to raise their kids, but Lindsey didn't last six months there.
"Have you eaten today?" He pulled open the refrigerator as soon as they stepped into the kitchen, eyes scanning over the only stuff in there- condiments.
It might not have been Lindsey's house anymore, but he still felt awfully comfortable.
"I'm fine." She mumbled... She'd been on a liquid diet.
He pursed his lips to the side, shutting the refrigerator door as a sigh escaped him. "I'm gonna order something for lunch." Lindsey had his own share of issues in that department, but with Carol Ann, she wouldn't allow him to sink into a hole like that.... He couldn't let it happen to Stevie either.
Her eyes grew dim as she sank back into the counter and watched him make himself right at home.
He wasn't nervous to dig through her drawers, finding the stack of take out menus from local restaurants.
"Why are you here?" She asked in a more gentle tone of voice, feeling incredibly thankful for him even though she wouldn't have dared to tell him... It would be way to much of an ego boost and that was the last thing he needed.
Lindsey glanced over, well aware of the fact that he had never seen her look that distraught. "I'm sad." He told her, which wasn't much of a shock. "And I've really missed you." He didn't expect to say that, but he had been feeling it.
They had gone from seeing each other nearly every day between work and their kids, and without either of those things, Stevie and Lindsey were merely just acquaintances... They were nothing but ex lovers.
"And I don't want it to end this way." His voice had shifted- he was getting a little more sentimental than before. "I know we have our problems, but we have to stay in contact with each other." Lindsey felt like she was the only piece he had left of their family...
Brady was gone, Penny was in Arizona- it was just the two of them and of course, he wanted to protect that.
She pushed herself away from the counter, reaching up to open the cabinet. "Do you want something to drink?" She decided to ignore what he had said and instead focus on what she'd been distracting herself with for weeks.
"Did you hear what I said?" He knew she had, but he wasn't going to let her get out of that conversation.
She needed to talk to someone and so did he, so what was the harm in taking to one another?
"Yes, I heard what you said." She mumbled, shaking her head lightly as she pulled out a bottle of brown liquor. "And I really don't think I'm ready to talk to you everyday, like we're living a normal life." Stevie wasn't being mean when she said that- she being serious.
He sighed softly, watching as she carefully pushed one of the glasses his way. "Come on, Stevie, don't do this to yourself." Lindsey reached out slowly, one hand meeting her waist to rub it gently.
"I don't deserve a normal life, Lindsey." She admitted a second later, not even giving it a second thought. "I couldn't be a good mom and now I don't-"
"You are a good mom." He cut her off, not at all interested in hearing that. "You are a great mom, and to blame yourself would be crazy." Lindsey was blaming himself too, deep down, but that wasn't the time to bring it up... He wanted her to go easier on herself.
"I should have been with him." She already had tears in her eyes as she brought her cup up to her lips. "It should have been me with him, not Carol." She felt that familiar feeling of guilt wash over, causing her heart to sink into the pit of her stomach.
"No." He shook his head as he saw those thick tears begin to stream down her flushed cheeks.... She'd been doing more than drinking to numb the pain. "You didn't know, and you couldn't have prevented it." He assured as he carefully took her sweet face in his hand. "You still have the chance to be a great mother to Penelope..." he whispered, looking down into her eyes.
He loved her so much, even though it had never been simple for them.
"Don't let this ruin your life." Lindsey knew it was easier said than done.
"I love you," her voice cracked, eyes falling closed so she didn't have to look at him. "But I don't think we should see or even talk to each other right now."
