She paused for a moment, heart sinking into the pit of her stomach when she felt his lips meet the top of her head. "You want the whole story?" She wondered, titling her head up in order to see those deep blue eyes a little better than before.
He bit down on the inside of his cheek, shrugging nervously... Maybe he shouldn't have asked but he'd been so curious since the moment he'd laid eyes on her, it was hard not to wonder.
Nodding softly, she slowly brought the crystal glass up to her lips to take a sip as she started to sink back into the couch. "I didn't want to leave Penny..." she began, using her free hand to lace her fingers in his.
She had never really talked to anyone about it- just a couple of old therapists, but no one that actually meant much to her, personally... She didn't have anyone to talk to about it- no one that would understand, or be able to truly sympathize. And she never, ever thought that she would find herself explaining it to Lindsey, out of all the people in the entire world.
"I know." He did, even if he had spent the last two decades trying to figure it out... Lindsey knew that it had never been easy for her- it couldn't have.
"I didn't want to leave you either," she admitted in a low tone of voice as her brown eyes got a little weaker, obviously already growing emotional. "But I couldn't risk dragging you two down, not after everything we'd already been through together." Stevie had always felt that if she hadn't left that night, nothing would have come easy for them for many, many years and that wouldn't have been fair.
She would have never found sobriety if she continued to surround herself in that environment, not when they had all seen her through the most challenging life experiences.
"I ended up getting a cab to take me all the way back to California that night," she announced, biting down on her lower lip to keep it from trembling. "And I was still at the house when you came over the next morning..." she admitted, heart sinking when she saw a hint of sadness already lingering in his eyes.
He remembered that well... It was hard to forget. The morning after Penny's birthday party, Lindsey had woken up on Barbara and Jesses sofa, obviously shocked to hear that Stevie had left early the night before. He was headed west half an hour later, after leaving Penelope, who was screaming for him, wailing in Barbara's arms when he was pulling out of the driveway... He had figured that he would be back with Stevie in tow, but when he got to her house in Venice Beach, she didn't come to the door.
He sat outside in his car for hours, hoping he'd catch her, but when the sun started to go down, he had a feeling that she was already gone... Where ever she was headed, she'd already left.
He was wrong, apparently.
"I watched you from the bedroom window all day and even though it hurt so bad, I really thought that I was doing the right thing for me and for you." She had regrets at that point in life, but she knew that they would have never made it where they were if she hadn't made some kind of change. "I stayed with a friend for the first couple of weeks," she lingered, hoping he wouldn't ask who. "And then I bought a little house in the Canyon, where I've been for the last twenty years." She continued with a soft shrug of shoulders, making it sound almost mundane and in a lot of ways, it had been... To some extent.
For the most part, it had always just been her, doing her own thing. Of course, she had dated, but the only one she ever saw a real future with was Dan and she still wanted to keep her own house and her own life in the Canyon...
She always needed an escape route, just to be safe.
He creased a brow, eyes falling down to his knee where their hands were still tangled together. "Hm," he nodded lightly, not exactly sure what he was supposed to say to that.
He felt like that answered none, but also all of his questions.
Sighing softly, she carefully handed the glass back over to him, knowing he needed it much more. "I had some help getting it together, obviously..." she added, hinting at the fact that there was still someone she kept in contact with through the years, but she didn't want to actually mention them.
She didn't want Lindsey to lose trust, not in someone he loved so much.
"Didn't you want to know Penny afterwards?" His voice was gentle- he wasn't mad, or upset, or anything like that... He just wanted to know and he wanted her to be comfortable enough to share.
Stevie brought her hand up to her face, very lightly wiping away the small tears that had been blurring her vision. "I came to Penny's first ballet recital when she was in kindergarten." She announced, knowing that would come as a surprise to him. "Her blonde curls were pulled back into those two pigtails and was wearing that huge fluffy tutu." She reminded him, letting out the most sad giggle as her mind drifted back to that afternoon.
She had always been able to pick Penny out of a crowd, but there was no way she could have missed her that day. She was only six, but she had always stood out, especially to her mom.
"She was so happy, Lindsey." She whispered, finally looking back up, just for her gaze to meet his instantly. "Penny was all giggles the entire time." It still made her heart feel light when she recalled that... Seeing her baby that afternoon was everything she needed at the time.
Lindsey shifted lightly, not sure he really remembered the afternoon quite like she did.
"She had a whole row full of people that just totally adored her." Stevie continued, seeing how he still hadn't quite found the words he needed in order to reply properly. "And I did want to say something after, even though I knew it would have been crazy, but I really just couldn't." She wasn't afraid to tell him that, even though she should have been a little embarrassed... She still trusted Lindsey and him judging her was her last concern. "When I saw you all gathered out in the hallway, she was already wrapped up in Carols arms, half asleep and my mom was carrying all of her flowers..." her voice cracked, tears streaming down her cheeks at that point. "She was so loved and I knew that uprooting her would not have been fair." She shook her head, heart still as broken as it was when she left that day.
It was hard the first time leaving Penny, but the second time really destroyed her. She cried the entire drive back up to her house in Laurel Canyon that night, regretting everything in life that led her to that moment... Stevie had experienced a lot of things that made it hard for her to understand why she did what she felt she needed to do, but that particular time was one of the worst ever.
Lindsey used one hand to reach out, carefully taking her chin and bringing her eyes back to his. "Don't cry." He used the pad of his thumb to gently wipe a couple of tears off her cheek.
He wasn't sure what to say, not in the slightest and maybe it was because his memory of that time did not align with the way she recalled it.
Lindsey could remember that night like the back of his hand and not because it was good. It was the Fall when her dance recital came around and that year, Carol and Lindsey had just recently decided to break up, but Barbara still insisted that they come together for Penny, who had been having such a hard time adjusting to school.
It was actually a very difficult situation, but he was relieved to know that it looked like they had it put together... He hoped Penelope remembered it that way too.
"I'm sorry..." her voice was soft and low as she slipped her arm around his neck.
He didn't hesitate to wrap one hand around her waist as the other got lost in her blonde hair. "Stop being sorry." Lindsey whispered back, eyes falling closed when her forehead met his.
They didn't say a word for a long minute, both of them so caught up in that moment of being that close for the first time in years... They had both forgotten that when they held each other like that, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire world.
"Will you stay?" He wondered as his eyes slowly began to scan over her sweet face.
"Stay where?" Stevie blinked heavy, eyes so tired from all the crying she'd done.
Lindsey paused for a second, aware of how wrong it was to ask, but not caring enough to refrain. "Just stay here with me for a little while longer...."
