Lustful Alchemy

25. SHARP

I watch Cassandra walking, hugging her dark blue wool coat to shield herself from the wind, turning her head at every sound and voice that catches her attention, letting the smooth, fair skin of her face be kissed by the sun's rays, and in this moment, I admit that I have been a fool to have ignored her all this time, keeping her away without allowing her to get close to me despite my feelings for her growing more substantial and taking on a clear shape.

I was sincere when I told her that with her, I feel alive in a way I haven't felt in years, but to be intellectually honest, I must admit that I didn't convince myself to loosen the tight cords around my heart. There was someone with wise words who decided to wear me down. The same someone who practically forced me to live and work with Cassandra.

«Professor Sharp?», Matilda said, peeking into the Potions Classroom a few days after my return to Hogwarts. «Can you come to my office at the end of the lesson?», I nodded, and at the sound of the bell, I did as she requested.

Matilda made me sit down with her usual benevolent smile, which soon gave way to a stern expression: «So, Aesop, do you think you can go around kissing people and then ignoring them as if nothing ever happened?». A phrase I honestly would have expected from Cassandra, not a colleague who, yes, is also a friend, but with whom I've never shared such details of my private life.

«Matilda, it was just a moment of weakness», I replied, already exhausted from the conversation just begun.

She unexpectedly let out a sarcastic laugh: «I'm old but not senile. Believe it or not, I can recognize a kiss given with love when I see one. And that was certainly one of those kisses»

«Be that as it may, you can rest assured it won't happen again, especially in common spaces, if that's why you called me. I'm sorry for letting it happen».

She looked at me, perplexed: «Apologize? Aesop, do you really not understand why I wanted to talk to you?». She rested her elbows on the desk, clasped her hands, and after a brief pause continued: «Why do you think I chose you to accompany Cassandra on her first assignment? Because I thought she was really incapable of doing the job alone? Of course not. I did it because I know her as well as I know you, your traumas, and I knew it was necessary for you to get to know each other because I know you need each other to shine»

«She manages just fine on her own», I said in one breath, while my heart pounded in my chest, naked and weak in the face of the evidence of my feelings.

The shadow of a smile crossed her face, but fortunately, she made no mention of my statement, continuing her persuasive work: «Don't you see how she lights up when she's with you? Don't you realize how you do the same when she's around?»

«You sound like Abraham», I replied sarcastically, dodging her questions because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of admitting she was right. «And anyway, with all due respect, you shouldn't have played Cupid and interfered in my love life».

Matilda gave me an impatient look but then became more serious: «Aesop, just because you're feeling something for another woman again doesn't mean you're disrespecting the other».

She confronted me with my feelings without any ceremony, almost violently, so that I couldn't deny them. «Yes, but all of this scares me. I don't know how to handle it», I replied with a lump in my throat.

Matilda's gaze became understanding: «You will never overcome it if you continue like this, if you persist in ignoring what you desire and force yourself into a life of solitude. I understand that you're afraid of love, but love is lived and that's it, without any rules and taking risks—and you should be well-versed in risks». She extended her hand across the table to hold mine and give me the comfort I needed, and continued: «Aesop, Mabel would want to see you happy»